Can't hold a job, panic attacks, thoughts of suicide

[hawkey]

I've had anxiety for a very long time despite not even being 20 yet. I had to be homeschooled through high school because it got so bad that I couldn't attend my classes. I would make myself sick and have panic attacks, and this has been since about 6th grade. Back then, I didn't know what it was, but now I do and I'm struggling more than ever before. I recently graduated high school and got my first job. I ended up quitting it because of my anxiety. So I got another one, the one I have now. It's a great job in a kitchen with benefits, good pay, great people, etc, but I find myself wanting to quit again, as my anxiety has gotten so horrific that I've already missed days of work. My manager knows about it and is a very friendly, understanding person, but I can't seem to overcome this. I hate myself for it and sometimes think that the easiest way out is death. This thought scares me and I don't want to do anything rash, but I'm seeing no options.

[Kirk]

Welcome to the forum. In your situation I would see a therapist and you may need some form of medication to help you, which is nothing to be
ashamed of.

[Christopher22]

I think that you would benefit from taking a anxiety pill as needed. You sound almost identical to me and I know how you feel but don't think of attempting suicide there's people out that who love and care about you. Talk with your doctor about anxiety meds

[Boo Bass]

Hi there

There are ways to overcome panic attacks. Hopefully someone here will post a link to it on this site. I don't know my way around so well

[Kirk]

Also, death is not the answer either. The only way I would say death would be the answer is if you have an
incurable disease and you are suffering with say, ALS in the end stages or some forms of cancer. My uncle at 85
had pancreatic cancer and was in a nursing home and he went downhill quickly and was suffering terribly.
I told the nurses aid, that he would be better off passing away as soon as possible. You are young and have your
whole life ahead of you to enjoy. Just view this as a temporary bump in the road, which you will eventually overcome
and be stronger for it.

[metal4life]

Welcome Hawkey,
That sounds scary ive been there too at the edge of suicide and my tips are that you should try and think about your family of think
that when youre death youre not seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting or anything you will be like before, disapeared only darkness
which sounds worse than living i know it sounds stupid but that kept me away from doing it, it also made me anxious af saying this hehe.
And i admire you for getting a job, i dont think i wont be able to even search for one so i will try to get treatment or i will live on the streets.
So right now im studying which is something that doesnt apeal to me at all im not made for that (maybe bc of my adhd) but i cant work
bc of my anxiety so im just pushing myself trough life and i dont like it. So i must get treatment and i dont know im gona make it bc things
i need to do sounds terrifing so yes i also think of suicide but the things i told you keeps me away from doing it.

[Kirk]

metal4life, I am sorry you are feeling so poorly and hope you feel better soon. On a lighter note, my wife, daughter and myself went to Madrid and
Toledo Spain on vacation in June 2012. Everyone was very friendly and they had some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.