Anxiety and Dating

[Dubc5000]

One of my biggest struggles has been with dating and anxiety. As a man, I feel like the anxiety and panic makes me weak and I always try to hide that from the women I've dated. Then when I try and hide it, it puts more pressure on me and the symptoms start coming out. Thus I put myself on the sidelines most of the time because I figure once they see the issues I have they will want to run. I know I'm a very eligible bachelor but I struggle so much with insecurities about my anxiety and panic. How has everyone navigated dating and your anxiety issues? How quickly does it come out with the other person and how have they reacted?

[metal4life]

Hi Dubc,
Well im only 17 years old and i havent got a girlfriend yet (maybe because the fact that i cant even talk to one) but i think that,
if you can, should tell her about your problem because if she has a problem with that, then she isnt the right one because she
is the one that will be there when youre not having a good time. Obviously the first time she wont know what to do and maybe
will her take it slow but let her time and if she understands it then she is the choosen one. :D

Have a nice day/night.

[MainerMikeBrown]

I find that the more I'm attracted to a girl I'm dating, the more nervous I am with her on the date.

[Kirk]

When I was a young man I was also nervous when asking a girl out on a date, but I believe everyone is at one time or another. Many people who have anxiety have had girlfriends and are married like myself.
Just say to yourself, if Kirk can do it, I can do it.

[gypsylee]

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say this has made me think how hard it must be on guys to have anxiety (or depression or whatever). At least as a woman it's more acceptable to show vulnerability and ask for help..

[MainerMikeBrown]

Sometimes a person you're on a date with is just as nervous as you are, which can, in turn, calm you down some and give you some peace of mind.

[Dubc5000]

Yes, exactly! That's my biggest struggle and what effects my with my self esteem. It not at all powerful and manly to have panic attacks and my fear is as soon as they see me have one then all attraction is lost in their eyes. The fear is so strong that I end up saying no to many opportunities to protect myself from that. I had one girlfriend that had really bad anxiety like I did and she broke up with me saying that my anxiety was too much especially since she had her issues. That probably messed me up in some ways...

I know the right person should be able to accept that about me and that it's a pretty small thing considering all of my other awesome qualities!!!

[gypsylee]

Just a bit of a different perspective..

People seem to see being in a relationship as the "default" way of being, in other words if you're single there's something wrong with you. I must admit I've never had any trouble finding men to be in a relationship with, but I have had a LOT of trouble finding men to be in a GOOD relationship with. So about two years ago (after another bad relationship) I decided enough is enough and made a pact with myself to be single for a good amount of time. I'm still single but I've started to meet a different type of man (I'm guilty of being one of those women who is attracted to "bad boys" ie. assholes).

Anyway, I'm guessing you're younger than me (I just turned 43) and being in a relationship is much more of a "thing" when you're young. But there really is way too much pressure to find this perfect partner and trust me, they don't exist! Being comfortable with yourself and ok being single is an awesome thing. I just wanted to put that out there..

:)

[Zena]

I know the right person should be able to accept that about me and that it's a pretty small thing considering all of my other awesome qualities!!!

Boom. That right there. That's the attitude.

I deal with fear of abandonment myself and have missed out on quite a few opportunities because of feeling like no one would want to stick around and deal with my issues (anxiety being a major one). I have felt unworthy of love.

You shouldn't think that having anxiety makes you any less of a man because it absolutely does not. You should feel safe to be vulnerable with a romantic partner and trust that they will support you the best they can. There are women who wouldn't think you're less of a man and leave you high and dry. It's just about finding someone who is compatible with you and is willing to support you the same way you're willing to support them. Easier said than done, I know. Now I am far from an expert when it comes to this dating thing, but I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. Work on being the best you that you can be and what is meant to be will be.

[Ponder]

If all else fails ... Just be yourself. It's often surprising how the latter works out. ;)

[Dubc5000]

Good information from everyone. Gyspy I know what your saying about the pressure of being in a relationship and I certainly know how to be single. And Zena, your saying all the right things and I know that's how you have to feel.

I haven't ever felt shared love yet in my 32 years and it does upset me and makes me feel unloveable. On paper, I have absolutely everything going for me. But the anxiety and panic that I have drops me down low in my eyes which I'm sure is the main problem.

[gypsylee]

Good information from everyone. Gyspy I know what your saying about the pressure of being in a relationship and I certainly know how to be single. And Zena, your saying all the right things and I know that's how you have to feel.

I haven't ever felt shared love yet in my 32 years and it does upset me and makes me feel unloveable. On paper, I have absolutely everything going for me. But the anxiety and panic that I have drops me down low in my eyes which I'm sure is the main problem.

Oh you're a bit older than I thought :) Well I hope someone nice comes along for you..