Im feeling better but I need to not give up...

[doonbuggy]

Heya everyone, I'm new to the forum, can I say first that I haven't met a friendlier forum, each and every one of you are nice people and its great to see the support you guys give each other.

Sorry for the long post... I'd like to explain it fully.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for 14 months now!! :D Go go go me! And i love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. Like others, for the last four months I've had very uncomfortable and unhelpful thoughts that question my every movement and motion. I will send her a text and I have to question did I mean everything in the text. Do I find her attractive? All negative thoughts that I know in my heart of hearts are completely false as she is the most amazing woman in the world. I dream of getting married to her and she is the one I want to get married to.

This problem started just randomly, I think I was feeling really vunderable about a guy that fancies her and it just spiralled onto a massive anxiety attack. It feels like a stomach ache and instead of the rush of butterflies but theys sinking and dying. My heart beats really fast and it feels like my eyes are so heavy. Im aware of every little thought I'm thinking. Because of this I havent been able to enjoy completely all the fun experiences we planned for the summer, although when we went on holiday for 5 days I forgot all about my anxiety until the last two.

I hate the way ive been feeling because if anyone else said that I didn't love her I'd call them an idiot and have a few more words to say to them. 2 weeks ago I had another really bad patch of anxiety and because I work in a large shop and was always on an aisle by myself putting stock out it felt like i was so isolated. Id rather kill myself than leave my girlfriend, my love is that strong inside me. I decided to research more and more and found some self help methods that have really helped me.

So after my anxiety attack I just made fun of what I was thinking, laughed at it and knew that I wasn't afraid. And I was feeling so much better. Unfortunately my girlfriend was going threw a stressful time and I couldn't show her my new improved self. And now I'm stuck half way between the two. My anxiety is at a level where its copable but I still think about it. I still wake up and worry whether I have it. I want to bring it down to an acceptable level, but because my original method "seemed" to fail, its like ive become ammune to it. I know I sound really bizarre.

The thing is I love my girlfriend, and I never ever want to leave her. Believe me I've had so many bad dreams where I've split up with her and then cried so much because I want her back. I just want to give her the love and care she deserves, to be able to listen to what shes saying to me instead of being so selfish and just self checking myself.

Any support would be appreciated.

Thankyou guys
Doonbuggy

[northstar]

hallo doonbuggy, well done for how far you have come, you sound like a fighter :D

your worries about your feelings for your girlfriend are not unusual in anxiety, in fact there have been some very recent posts from people in the same position as you. the only advice i can give in this situation is to keep working, don't make any rash decisions while you're still a bit clouded with anxiety.

don't think that your method of acceptance has failed, look how far it's brought you :) the truth is that it's hard to do this stuff on our own, that's why places like this forum are a great place to come for support and advice, and you are very welcome to write as much as you need to here. you might like to think about going to see a therapist who can work with you to quell the irrational thoughts, it's difficult to get them under control but it is possible. i found psychotherapy very helpful with irrational worries, others find cognitive behavour therapy incredibly helpful for this too. you can ask your doctor about it or you can look up and see if there are any support groups for anxiety in your area, if you reach out for the help you'll be surprised by what you'll find :)

[brittypixi]

i am so incredibly sorry to hear that you are having this problem. i am going through the EXACT SAME thing and i totally understand your pain. up until my anxiety hit i was madly in love with my boyfriend, always thinking about how great he is and how lucky i am, i missed him whenever i wasnt with him. and now ive gotten these doubts or irrational thoughts that you have as well and it drives me crazy. i almost broke up with him, we took a day break and i missed him like crazy. its so hard sometimes because they can get so strong that i will really believe them and almost do stupid things in turn. my parents and sister and boyfrien know me best and tell me that they are NOT true, but sometimes my anxiety sucks me in. ive started seeing a therapist and its helping a bit. these are some of the styles of irrational thoughts that i have the most trouble with and she gave me a handout on it :).

overgeneralization: you come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. if something bad happens once, you expect it to happen over and over again.

catastophizing: you expect disaster. you notice or hear about a problem and start "what ifs". ( THIS IS A MAJOR ONE).

emotional reasoning: you believe that what you feel must be true-automatically. if you feel stupid and boring, then you must be stupid and boring.

i really hope some of this is helpful to you, but really therapy would help you a ton, its starting to help me and its only been two appointments. good luck and feel free to message me about this.