Trying to figure this out

[Sandymaus]

Hello everybody!
I might as well jump right in. I don't recall ever having to deal with anxiety in my life. I know I suffer from depression and was on Lexapro for over 10 years. About 7 months ago I noticed that I wasn't feeling myself. I thought it had to do with all the stress I had from dealing with my elderly parents. My mom got diagnosed with Leukemia and since I'm the closest child of three, I got most of the calls. My husband has been a great support for me. However, I wasn't really sure what was going on with me. I felt "off". Not really sure why I started to feel that I'm strapped in my marriage. I have no reason to think or feel that. My husband is wonderful in supporting me and the kids. I suggested to take small weekend trips with my husband to find out what's wrong with me. It only seemed to get worse. At one point I broke down and told him what I was going through. That's when it happened and I started to shake uncontrollably and I think I had my first anxiety attack. I felt so bad, not understanding why I feel like I need to get away from my family. I just feel the need to run. I feel like the worst person there is and that I am putting my family through all this hurt.

I don't think that this is going to get any better, unless I do leave. I don't even know what's real and what's not real. If I don't leave it will not get any better. When I travel for my job, I don't have any issues with anxiety or night sweats. As soon as I come home my anxiety goes through the roof. I am on a new depression medication, but it is not helping me with the anxiety.

Is there anybody else that had a similar situation and can recommend anything?

[Shells9]

Have you tried meditation or yoga? I have similar feelings. I feel a sense of relief when I have time alone.
I have aging parents and a husband/kids etc, work full time.
When my plate get too full my mind does crazy things. Almost like my brain is exhausted from firing neurones. You are not alone. it seems like you are balancing a lot.

[Sandymaus]

I tried meditation. It just seems that every day I'm loosing the battle. I also have the issue of not caring for anything, or anyone anymore. I'm getting frustrated quickly, upset about things that usually don't bother me. Have no interest in the things I used to enjoy. But most of all I seem to have lost any care for my husband. I know I love him, but I am not in love with him. He never gave me any reason to feel this way. He is super supportive and has never held me back from doing anything. I know it's not my husbands fault, only mine. But why am I going through this? I just don't understand.

[Anne1221]

Well, you have two separate issues but I would recommend you get the first one resolved before you make a decision on the other. You do have anxiety and depression and you need to work with your doctor until you get to feeling better, feel more like yourself, recover interest in things and don't feel anxious when you come home. I have had to change medications before, adjust dosages, etc but it is worth it to find what works.

The second issue is something that happens to a lot of women without any anxiety. They find they are unhappy in their marriage. But they usually have reasons. But you don't seem to be able to pinpoint what exactly is wrong. Maybe if you get the anxiety/depression under control, you'll be able to see more clearly what it is you do want. If you don't like your doctor, find a new one.

[Sandymaus]

Anne1221,
The medication I'm currently taking is making me swat so bad that it is unbearable at times. I have played with the thought of tapering off and using St. John's Worth instead. I totally agree that I need to get my depression and anxiety under control, before I can figure out why I'm felling the way I do. I am seeing a therapist and my husband is going with me. I just feel I'm constantly hurting him with the things I say on how I feel, better yet the lack of feelings I have.