Anxiety, perfectionism and procrastination. Never feeling happy.

[janana]

So, I'm pretty new here, but kind of amazed to find there actually is a name for what has plagued me my whole life.

I am wondering if my attitude towards work and school has to with this as well.
The deal is:

1- I'd like to be the best, top performer
2- I am super afraid of failing
3- I can't get myself to start because I think I won't do good enough
4- I finally get myself to start and realize how well I could have done if I started earlier
5-I settle with the result because "given the cirumstancesm it's quite ok" but am not really content or happy with them.

I also think it didn't help my parents' idea of motivation was "you could do better", no matter how good I did in whatever aspect.

Also- and this is not exclusively performance-related- I have a horrible 'program' in my head at any given time.
It basically analyzes what's going on right now and tells me what could be better and why I shouldn't be content right now.
It's horrible because even at really good times (nice dinner with friends, birthday parties, just cycling in nature, reading a good book) it will always tell me "there's something that could be better. Something's not perfect. Not the way you imagined it to be."

I hardly ever truly feel happy because of that.I compare myself to the most successful people in the world - politicians, pop stars and the like. I can only lose doing this. But also, I can't stop it.

Social media is the worst because I do want to check it in order to not miss out on anything, but then get all these impulses and thoughts:
"Oh, they went boating. I need to go boating. WHY did I not do it before this summer?! WHY did I not think of it?"
"Oh, he has friends over. I never have friends over. I should plan a dinner party. Why do I not have enough friends who want to come over?"

[Kirk]

It is not necessary to always be the best, but to just give your best effort and no one can really ask more of you.

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome :)

I can really relate to this. I have standards for myself that I wouldn't dream of putting on anyone else. I'm pretty sure I'd think I was a failure even if I was President of the US (and I probably WOULD make a better one than Donald Trump!)

Also, like I was saying on my post about waking with anxiety - social media generally makes one feel worse because most people only put up good things that happen, and act like they have such great lives. I talk to people on there in private and the stories are very different.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[MiST]

Look at hob goblins to help cheer you up 😂

[gypsylee]

Look at hob goblins to help cheer you up ��

Hobgoblins LOL!

[Boo Bass]

Hi there

Easy to see how perfeçti9nism leads to anxiety. You exert such pressure on your self that you leave no room for failure or change. This is unrealistic.

CBT will help you examine your core beliefs and change your thoughts

BB

[Kirk]

There was a woman I worked with who had to have the towels in her house folded in a certain way. If someone else
folded them and they were not up to her standards, she would unfold them and refold them. That I beleive is a
combination of perfectionism and OCD. My wife tells me that she is happy that I just fold them. She used to be more
of a perfectionist, but as we have aged, she has stopped being one. I have never been a perfectionist as I prefer to
just do my best and put forth a good effort.

[MiST]

Yep, that's what's important. Perfection is overrated.

[Anne1221]

Maybe it would be helpful for you to see a therapist and talk these things over. The fact that you know some of these things are not good but you can't stop means therapy could be helpful. I don't know if you need cognitive therapy, medication, learning new techniques to deal with self defeating ideas, or what, but maybe some professional help would be good.

All of your post indicates some anxiety, perfectionism, and even depression, but that last part goes for everyone, including the non-anxiety ridden people. Everyone posts the highlights of their lives on facebook, not the day to day realities, so it's easy to conclude that others have a better life. Some psychologists are telling people to stay off facebook so they won't keep comparing themselves.