Grad School Anxiety/Fear

[AJ89]

Advertisement


Hello everyone,

I am sure a lot of people have written about this topic before, but I feel like I need to vent. This is my 2nd semester as an MPH student and I had moved 2 hours away from home to a completely new city where I don't know anyone. I have terrible anxiety and have been extremely depressed since moving away from my family and friends. The first semester went great. I was only a part time student because they could not offer more classes in the summer and I got to go back home every weekend since I had a lot of free time. I got all A's and overall the professors were helpful and the courses were was easy, so everything was good. However, now I am a full time student and my classes require a lot more work and studying so I do not visit home very often anymore. Also as I mentioned earlier, I have terrible anxiety and I am completely terrified of failing my classes even though this is only my 4th week of class and there is no indication of me failing yet. I attend every class, ask my TA's and professors questions about homework assignments and class materials to the point where I feel like I annoy them. However, sometimes I get extremely depressed for days to the point were I don't do anything at all. I had 4 days off during labor day weekend and barely did any readings or studying and now I feel like my work and studies are piling up. Then my anxiety kicks back in and I become terrified of failing and I study all day to the point where I burn myself out. Its a vicious cycle and I am literally having nightmares about failing my classes while sleeping. Even when I visit home (which is once every month now or on holidays) I am still depressed, anxious, and feel like utter crap because I know I have to go back to an empty apartment, and so I don't even enjoy going back to visit home anymore. It was to the point were my mother saw me crying and wanted me to skip my Monday class so I can stay home for an extra day.
I try to be social as much as I can and interact with my classmates. I go to events, libraries, and zumba/gym classes so I don't have to be stuck alone all day. However, it does not help at all. I still feel terrible and start crying because I feel like I want to quit to go back home. I am not used to being far away from family and have always interacted with my friends on a weekly basis. I only have a year left to graduate and I know time flies, so I don't want to give up either and I know ALOT of people that would want to be in my position right now. But I also feel so isolated and alone here and I don't know if I am doomed to fail especially since the lowest passing grade is a B-.
I can't afford counseling at the moment and I really don't want to go on any meds. I also just came down with the flu, so Im completely freaking out because I know Im going to be down this entire week and I'm just going to fall behind even more. Everyone says my feelings are normal and it will go away with time, but I am also afraid that it is going to have a bad effect on my school performance. I don't if anyone has any advice or past experience that can help, but if you do please let me know. :/

Thank you!

[Nowuccas]

Hey AJ89,

Welcome to the forum; I've never seen a post begin with "Advertisement" before, and am wondering about its significance.

To me, the fact that you have the 'flu makes me suspect an insufficiency in vitamin D. A deficiency in it can cause anxiety, and seniors with the lowest levels are 11 times more likely to be suffering from depression.

Check out https://www.google.com.au/search?client=opera&q=vitaminDcouncil.org%2C+flu&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 such as:

Vitamin D and influenza | Vitamin D Council
https://www.vitamindcouncil.org/health-conditions/influenza/
Find out how vitamin D can help prevent influenza and what research shows to date. ... [email protected]. [Turn on JavaScript to see the email address].

Vitamin D and influenza | Vitamin D Council
https://www.vitamindcouncil.org/health-conditions/influenza/
[1] In 1918 the flu killed 50,000,000 people and there is nothing, including flu shots, ... respiratory infection, but this virus generally does not cause flu epidemics.

"Vitamin D3 Cured my Anxiety, Depression, and Panic Disorder", (by another forum member) is at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?12695-Vitamin-D3-Cured-my-Anxiety-Depression-and-Panic-Disorder&highlight=vitamin

My post on it is at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34912-I-can-t-breathe-or-relax&p=228476#post228476

If you want to minimise your chances of becoming infected, or having a recurrence of existing ones, you can make your body an inhospitable environment for the microbes causing them to reproduce in; see http://alternative-health.weebly.com/homemade-antiviral-antibacterial--antifungal-product.html

----------------------------------------------------
Previous relevant posts:

GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER: See http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33964-New-to-the-site-and-looking-for-help&p=223989#post223989

DEPRESSION: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?32707-has-this-happend-to-you&p=216510#post216510

DEPRESSION; FEMALE: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?35164-Psychology-Advice

-------------------------------------------------

Does your college / university have a psychologist, or counsellor?

CO-COUNSELLING: Although counselling by someone properly trained in the procedures is far more preferable; those unable to access it, may benefit by getting together with a similar sufferer nearby, and using the advice at www.rc.org/ Statistically, around 5% - 10% of people would be experiencing some degree of depression, and if there are notice boards or other ways of contacting someone that you feel comfortable with, you could both benefit almost as much as with a trained counsellor, just by listening when it's your turn to, or talking when appropriate, and it would enable you to avoid being alone.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Anxiety:

Learn, and employ either Progressive Muscle Relaxation ( http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html ) or acupressure tapping / EFT, whichever you find most effective.

Give the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via mercola.com or www.tapping.com (13 free videos), or www.eftuniverse.com or www.emofree.com or one of the many YouTube videos. Google: "YouTube; EFT videos".
Professionally instructed is generally preferable (Google: therapists; EFT; [your location] or mercola.com has a locator). - There is a version for use in public places at http://eft.mercola.com (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage / tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself)." or words of your own choosing.

Once proficient in the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT, you could try employing it by tapping your thighs as you walk, stand or sit, subvocalising using your chosen wording. If anyone asks, you could say that it's just a nervous habit.

[ssjkarigan]

I experienced a great deal of anxiety and depression when I went off for undergrad - I was miserable every moment I lived there, because I didn't know how to make friends. I was only about 45 minutes to an hour away from home, and I went home every weekend, but Jesus, I hated being away from home... I eventually started just commuting from home because I couldn't figure out a way to deal with it. The only things that made me feel better were asking friends to come visit, and looking forward to eventually going home.

I will say, I also had a lot of trouble in graduate school as well, but it was much less severe since my classes only had 16 people, and they sort of... forced me out of my shell and would plead with me to hang out with them. I became good friends with many of them and started going to the bar after class. My suggestion is... don't give up. Even if you get B's or miss a few classes, everything will work out in the end. I'd hate to tell you to just white-knuckle it, but that's really all I was able to do.

ONE THING! I almost forgot. I used to go to the Wal-Mart in town because all Wal-Mart's look exactly the same, and I would pretend it was the one close to my house and wander around for a few hours. My homesickness was the worst in my apartment, so wandering around chain stores and the like seemed to help. Idk, it just really sucks feeling that way. You sound like a really intelligent individual, and I think you'll be able to finish school. The voice of anxiety in your head is a bully - that's what my therapist always tells me. Even if you can't drag yourself out of the swirl of anxiety and depression, you can at least tell the bully to shut up and leave you alone. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It's okay to cry and feel sorry for yourself - there's nothing wrong with addressing and validating your own emotions. What you're doing is difficult, damnit, and you have every right to cry.

Does your school have social workers to help? They are usually free of charge, and can help you find ways to cope. Also, depending on your relationship to your professors, you can tell them you're struggling with anxiety and depression, and they may be able to help.

I don't know if this was helpful at all, and I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. I know how difficult it can be.