Newbie in a very very dark place.

[iurod]

Hi all.

I'm a 31 year old male going through what seems like a break up of the love of life of 2.5 years. We basically live together (although we have our separate apartments). We have been fighting a lot about really dumb things for a while (mostly because of my insecurities and the way she handles certain situations). I constantly want to talk about our relationship and when we do she has nothing to sya other than I'm sorry or I don't know what to say.

last Tuesday night she came over and we made dinner, watched TV cuddled and went to bed. Thursday I saw she left her Facebook open on my laptop so i went through a message with her and one of her girlfriends. Her girlfriend just left her boyfriend of 5.5 years my girlfriends response was I'm about to do the same. i was completely shocked because the times we spoke she seemed fine and said I love yo to me every time. We have barely spoken in the past two days and I have not been able to get out of bed. I need to constantly take Klonopin to make me less anxious. I cannot eat, sleep, laugh, or throwing up. I have suffered from anxiety and depression my entire life and I know these are my symptoms. I haven't see a doctor in years and have not been on medication minus Klonopin for flying.

I met up with her Friday and asked her if she was done with the relationship and she said no, but deep inside I don't believe it as we haven't communicated in 2 days.

I'm here in my bed lonely as ever and have no one to go to. Just thought I could possible find someone to talk to on here and help calm me down.

[gypsylee]

Hi there :)

Sorry you are in such a bad way. I know what it's like to have anxiety so bad I can barely do anything. It's a nightmare.

Hang in there..

Gypsy x

[ssjkarigan]

I know that feel. I'm engaged to the love of my life, and we've been together 2.5 years, but he was super pissed at me yesterday because of an interaction I had with his family (no fighting, shouting, name calling, just me walking outside to get some air because I was really frustrated and panicking)... so I was driving around, not knowing what to do, so I tried to go visit my mom's grave. I never visited before and I couldn't find it... so I tried to call a friend but she was busy. I went home and took half a bottle of my zoloft, which just made me feel sick.

I dunno what I'm saying. I'm so fucking depressed and anxious and afraid my fiance will leave me... I guess what I'm saying is, I know how you feel, and it sucks so bad.

[iurod]

Gypsylee thank you for the support.

ssjkarigan, I know exactly how you feel. If your husband is understanding of your anxiety and you communicate with him I'm sure everything is going to be great (communication is key). Communication was something lacking in my relationship.

Update: We have decided to take a break from each other. She tells me she loves me and doesn't want to see other people but cannot understand why she treats me terrible or the way I deserve. I called her tonight crying and asked if the break is a settle way of breaking up. she said no, I told her I think of her every 5 minutes and worry about her. She said thats the problem that I give her so much and don't focus on myself and she would like me to be selfish and focus on myself. sad thing is I miss her dearly this past Sunday was terrible as it was always our day, one where we just hung out and enjoyed each other. She told me it was hard not call me, but that would have been the only thing that would have made me happy.

The situation sucks. But I HOPE and pray that everything works out for the best and we can get back together after a couple weeks and go back to how things use to be, which were perfect.

She is the love of my life and I couldn't image myself with anyone else for the rest of my life.

Does anyone when they get anxious get extremly nauseated to the point they vomit. This has been me for the past couple of days. My appetite has also been terrible, as in non-exsistent.

[Kirk]

I know exactly how you feel. I have been married almost 30 years now, but I was married before at a very young age for 3 and half years.
My first wife and I just got back from vacation in Toronto and we were sitting in the kitchen ready to eat dinner in our apartment. She had
cooked dinner and was handing me my plate of food when she suddenly said, by the way, I am leaving you as I have found someone else.
She had been sleeping with this guy for weeks. Anyway, I could not eat my supper and felt ill, was devastated and began to cry. I was depressed
but pushed myself to go to work, etc. She then began to sleep on the couch and did not leave right away. I told her to leave and on a Sunday, I went out for
the day and when I returned, everything was gone except for the kitchen table and chairs and the sofa and love seat which we still owed money on. I went out
to a rent a center and got a roll away bed and ordered a new bed from a now defunct furniture store. I then went and got a TV. I remember a big neighbor
who was around 6'7" tall helping me take my TV up three flights of steps. We had gone to a marriage counselor before and the counselor said our problems were
nothing unusual for a young couple and could be worked out. My first wife used to cry and say she was not happy, but could never tell me why. Thw whole episode was
awful, but in the end looking back it was the best thing that could have happened to me as my wife now is much nicer and easier to live with.

[K8LN]

Relationships are very hard. I am currently not in one. My ex was verbally abusive and he really messed me up. But I can tell you experience from the female side. If she isn't talking to you for days at a time. It could be a sign that it's over. And honestly if she isn't willing to talk about your relationship and work through things and she just pretends that nothing happens after an argument then she isn't worth your time. Everyone deserves someone that is willing to fight for them and she isn't doing that. It might be time to move on. Try something new. Sometimes being alone is better. It's just getting over that initial break up that is hard. It's like detoxing from your favorite drug. I wish you luck! But everything will work out the way it is supposed to. And you seem like a caring person, so you can find someone else if it doesn't work out

[iurod]

So we sat down and talked and came to a decision that we need a break from each other. She thinks that some space might make her be a better person to me and in general. I agree that space was needed, we spend every day together. She told me that if nothing changes and if we don't do anything differently that eventually it'll get to the point where we both hit a will and have no choice but to walk away - something she doesn't want. She made it very clear that, that is not whats she wants.

I'm really hopeful she works her emotions and works through what she wants to do in life and comes back to me and our relationship is stronger. But in the meantime I'm going to take this time and work on myself. Work on all the things that cause me anxiety (haven't traveled by subway in over 6 years and I live in New York City). Find the things that make me happy that I lost as I put all my intention into her and worried about her well being and lost sight of my own.

This past weekend we both checked in on each other as there was a "terrorist" attack in the city and we wanted to insure we were both ok. At then end of the text conversation she said "I love you - Thank you for checking on me. I was legit checking on you when you texted me" All this makes me happy and hopefully but again this is time for me to be selfish and work on myself and just hope that we can get back to a good place in some time.

[K8LN]

I think that is the right decision for both of you. Now both of you can go and work on yourselves and then if you do end up getting back together you can have a stronger relationship than you did before.