Diary Of A Recluse

[Fear]

This is not a place for advices,so don't ask when you write here.If you need to answer,PM.
This is a place for your mind,a place to listen what our brains has to say.Because our brains aren't empty,and unless what we could think most of the time we are someone.
Come here when you have thoughts you want people to here,like you would do with your own diary.Write here about what you wanna do in your life but can't,about your perception about others and others ' perception about you.Who you want to be.Everything that's in your mind and wanna share.
I probably will never write,but don't worry about that.This isn't my post but everyone's.

[scatmantom]

hey this is a nice idea

I wanna be able to go without a panic attack for more than a year, once ive got that far ill think less and less about my anxiety. I also want to be more confident within myself. Shyness is irritating because im a out going party person who wants to get out there!!!!

[Fear]

There's another person inside of me and that I feel is the real me.It's kind of useless to talk about that to other people,they wouldn't believe me;they only see who I am apparently.Sometimes the person inside pushes to come out and I'm about to burst. She is the regular person who feels the need to don't care about what other people think of what she does.But she's still sensitive anyway.Maybe she tries to be perfect but she doesn't do it to feel superior to others or look better.She doesn't want to hurt anybody.She cares a lot,about everybody and just tries to be good.Sometimes she feels she's shelfish,trying always not to mistake.She only learns too many lessons,you know.She takes things on a personal level and would like to make everyone happy.She's a transparent person who keeps secret.I tell you guys this is what I see inside,I think it's good but I don't wanna be a constructed one,that's just what I see in me and would like to be able to extern.
When I'm between other people I forget who I am and all the beautiful things I'd like to do and in which I believe a lot.They are important,but maybe I'm too serious and maybe that's why I would feel too stupid to say.Nobody ever at my place would think or care to that.I simply think to those things at every moment of the day,even in the middle of a party where everyone's happy and me not,for a kind of melancholy,that's always there.I envy.I hate it.And so think I should try to punish myself in some way and I know how because I feel those kind of feelings,which I shouldn't.I'm not too serious to myself,I just try to do what's there to do for others.

[Angel]

Im sitting here at 4:19 in the fucking morning, still not able to go to sleep. My panic and anxiety is getting a hell of alot better, but i was diagnosed with Schizoaffecktive bipolar disorder also.

So sometimes these voices are a bit overwhelming but nonetheless,
i will get sleep eventually...once they all bekome mended into one voice and bekome my own.
They dont tell me to do anything harmful to myself, i think i might be the most dangerous one of them all, haha... but its alright, im getting through it.

My musick is my passion, its my purpose for striving. I would not be hear if it wasnt for it. Lock me in a room, My footsteps and heart beat are like drums. Beat me half to death, Your fists pounding against my flesh keep the rhthym flowing, drown me in the sea, the water gives me the ambience i need.

But if you do all that, im probably going to give it to you worse, if i get a hold of you, HAHA!

I enjoy helping people who are going through what i do everyday. I enjoy knowing that i kan make a difference in someone.

Im sleepy, but i kant sleep.

[scatmantom]

hey man

I can relate partially to that story
I often struggle to sleep but i dont hear voices. I often picture myself getting sick or picture wotever it is thats causeing the anxiety. My solution is to stick on the office DVD, close my eyes, do my relaxation techniques and all these things combined mean i hav no room to think of wotevers distracting me..eventually i get to sleep.

often works but not always.