I feel worthless

[maryysaa]

Hello everyone :) I've been having this problem for quite a while now but I just kept enduring it thinking it will go away and this problem I deal with every one to two months. I'm not sure where or how to start but I'll start from here...I am 21 year old Pakistani girl I'm going to turn 22 on the 5th of this month. I am an only child. My father is not mentally stable, he doesn't beat me or anything he's actually a little weak mentally i think he has something along the lines of Asperger's Syndrome but I can't be too sure. He does love me because I'm his only daughter but we're not close at all we're very distant. I am very close to my mother. I study in an art college and my struggle there is another story but I want to include a few bits here and there. I have two best friends and they're like siblings to me. One is a girl and the other is a guy, who is my cousin, but I share my problems with the girl the most... but this time I don't feel like bothering her anymore I feel I've become obnoxious I'm constantly complaining to her, I try to be a good friend too always remembering theit birthdays, doing tiny things for them and trying to make that laugh. I have social anxiety and every symptom that comes with it but I try to live with it because I have college where everyone thinks I'm shy and a little weird but thankfully I have a few friends there too, and a crush who completely ignores me xD but that's not that important right now. Oh and I also have hypothyroidism. I am average heighted and my build is average too I guess not too fat not too skinny. Well... there is this time every one or two months I hit rock bottom, mentally that is. I constantly cry, I always feel that my future is bleak, that I'm not good enough, that I wish I weren't born at all. I'm not that suicidal though and surprises me. I mean I do wish that I died before my parents did so IFpol wouldn't have to endure the pain and sometimes when I'm really upset I want to get run over by a car or something like that, but not really suicide. But yes it gets really bad I feel this strange pressure one my chest too. I also think I'm going to fail at life. I am very polite and I let people affect me around I really can't help that I prioritize people before myself but that's the way I am. I'm nice to people and I guess you can call me boring. I'm not daring at all. And people often scare me, especially the moody type, because I've been treated like crap a whole lot in my life, family politics included. I'm having this "phase" I talked about right now... I feel worthless, taking everything people say to heart especially my best friends. Reading between the lines way too much. I'm going crazy. I'm on this med called Fabionil and I don't think it's working on me. I don't go out very much only with my close friends when they have the time and normally in my vacations we often go on trips with the rest of our family but we didn't go anywhere this time. I want to get out of the house and the same time I don't. I'm not really sure what to add and what not to add but right now I'm not in a very good state I hope I'm making sense since I didn't add all of my life story I think I made this confusing xD Thank you for reading I really wanted to get this off my chest and again I'm sure I didn't make any sense xD I sound like a confused teen. And one more thing... I avoid talking to people especially on holidays. Those people mostly include people from my college. I turn off my phone and stay away from facebook. I become antisocial and I can't help it I guess it has a lot ti di with my confidence.

[Kirk]

Welcome to the forum. First of all you are not worthless. Your life has meaning to your friends and family. You are just going through a
tough time right now and with the right help and support you will overcome this. Try to remember you have your whole life ahead of
you to live and enjoy.

[Nowuccas]

Hey maryysaa,

Hypothyroidism has symptoms similar to depression, such as low mood, social withdrawal, and feelings of worthlessness.

You don't mention whether you are taking Synthroid (synthetic thyroid hormone) or natural thyroid hormone.

A previous post follows:

THYROID:

Enter HYPOTHYROIDISM & THYROID at www.mercola.com Prescribed thyroid hormone is usually only synthetic T4, like synthroid, but a reasonable proportion of sufferers (like me) benefit more from natural T3 + T4, from compounding pharmacies, via naturalists, but check out www.about.com which has directions to the best thyroid doctors in the USA & Australia. I suggest that you check out their info, and sign up for Mary Shomon's regular email, and join the forum there. In either case, it takes several weeks for the hormone to build up to effective levels.

Check out https://www.google.com.au/search?client=opera&q=about.com+hypothyroidism&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#q=+hypothyroidism%3B+vitamin+D and
http://www.vitamindwiki.com/Thyroid+and+parathyroid

My previous post about vitamin D may be viewed at: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34912-I-can-t-breathe-or-relax&p=228476#post228476

"Vitamin D3 Cured my Anxiety, Depression, and Panic Disorder", (by another forum member) is at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?12695-Vitamin-D3-Cured-my-Anxiety-Depression-and-Panic-Disorder&highlight=vitamin

Useful websites; www.feelingfff.com & http://thyroid.about.com/library/hypoquiz/blhypoquizi.htm
www.stopthethyroidmadness.com & www.realthyroidhelp.com & http://www.peertrainer.com/LoungeCommunityThread.aspx?ForumID=1&ThreadID=40858 & http://www.thyroid.org.au/ThySoc/ThySocReplce.html & http://www.naturalthyroidchoices.com/Bromide.html

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I copied and pasted Fabionil into drugs.com & mediguard.org with no results, so it's either new, from overseas, or a misspelling.

https://www.mediguard.org/medication/not_found?missing_drug_name=Fabionil

https://www.drugs.com/search.php?searchterm=Fabionil&sources%5B%5D= Did you mean: Fabior

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"I feel this strange pressure one my chest too" -

Another forum member provided the following useful information:

Common Anxiety Symptoms - AnxietyCentre.com

Here are some of the many symptoms associated with anxiety disorder (because each person has a unique chemical make up, the symptoms and their intensity will vary from person to person).

The Member's area of this website contains explanations on what causes many of these symptoms and why they occur:

Chest

* Chest pain or discomfort
* Concern about the heart
* Feel like you have to force yourself to breath
* Find it hard to breath, feeling smothered, shortness of breath
* Frequent yawning to try and catch your breath
* Heart – beating hard or too fast, rapid heartbeat, palpitations
* Heart - Irregular heart rhythms, flutters or ‘skipped’ beats, tickle in the chest that makes you cough

Other symptoms are described as:
Being like a hypochondriac, muscle twinges, worry all the time, tingles, gagging, tightness in the chest, tongue twitches, shaky, breath lump, heart beat problems, head tingles, itchy tingling in arms and legs, and so many more.

[Nowuccas]

SELF ESTEEM:
Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as: (free) http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate or Yoga Nidra, (no flexibility required) at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34171-Questions-relating-to-troubles-with-meditation&p=224951#post224951

They will enable you to emotionally centre yourself, when practiced regularly, and can also help you become a person who is less influenced by the words and behaviour of others. Learn them at least a few hours apart, and preferably on different days, in the morning, or early afternoon. Use the one you find most effective. A minimum of 10 mns is recommended; 15 is better, and 20 is ideally preferred. Learn them at least a few hours apart, and preferably on different days, in the morning, or early afternoon.

I have recently become aware of the opinion that, just as it is important to build a house on a solid foundation, so it is with self esteem. Learn to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and failures, or inadequacies. Accept that you, too are just a human being, with the frailties, insecurities, and tendency to err, occasionally, that the rest of us have. That is the beginning of self love, self acceptance, and self esteem.

Regularly monitor your internal monologue (self talk): write down the negative ones: "I'm really ugly" and then the converse: "I'm fairly good looking", and next time you become aware that you are thinking the former, visualise, as vividly as possible, a big "STOP!!!" sign, and/or a stern faced person wagging a finger at you, and deliberately repeat 5 times, either aloud, in a big voice, if alone, or subvocally (to yourself, in your mind), the converse affirmation. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary.

Volunteer, even from home, at first, to provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I... (insert activity here).." Google: "volunteer from home" Edit one page of an Ebook daily, at: http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page "Did you know that you can help us produce ebooks by proof-reading just one page a day?" Go to: Distributed Proofreaders see: http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Category:Volunteering Write letters in support of prisoners of conscience, for Amnesty International. Many innocent people, whose only reason for incarceration was that they were a thorn in the side of a repressive government, have had their release secured as a result of a flood of letters, from all over the world. Also see http://www.supportpath.com/ and http://www.neoteen.org ELSEWHERE: Help for 2 hours per fortnight, at Meals on Wheels. Other suggestions are: As a literacy volunteer, animal shelter, Red cross/crescent, soup kitchen, Greenpeace, nursing home/hospital, Habitat for Humanity, United Way, or as a Big Sister, or Big Brother. Make a list of all your good points, strengths, and achievements. Put it somewhere so you can easily refer to it, from time to time; perhaps on the refrigerator door, or print it; (large typeface, or capitalise) have it framed, and place in your bedroom, or in a position of prominence, such as on the television, or lounge room wall.

See http://www.wikihow.com/Special:GoogSearch?cx=016562026678751929112%3Aohfd gqnedms&cof=FORID%3A10&ie=UTF-8&q=self+esteem&siteurl=www.wikihow.com%2FMain-Page#1396

Recommended reading: The Self-Esteem Guided Journal: A Ten Week Program (New Harbinger Guided Journal) by Matthew McKay and Catharine Sutker, & Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame by Beverly Engel & Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning & Happy to Be Me!: A Kid Book about Self-Esteem, by Christine Adams, Robert J. Butch, and R. W. Alley, from your bookstore, or Amazon.com.

85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or quicker, cheaper, and more conveniently: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com Self Esteem Booster, & Stop Negative Thinking, or from: http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com Self-esteem, & http://www.instant-hypnosis.com has Self-Esteem Booster.


I suggest that you view my previous post about social anxiety at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33912-My-SA-Dealing-with-thoughts-of-judgement&p=223666#post223666

Note that I didn't select the sad face; it seems to me to be a computer glitch.

[maryysaa]

Thank you so much for reaching out to me :) i didnt think anyone would... But yes I completely forgot to mention that I am on a medicine called Thyroxine and I take it regularly. I even go for blood tests so that they can see my thyroid levels and readjust my med. I've been taking this medicine ever since I was a child.
I haven't heard of Fabior but I guess Fabionil is our local version for this. I will make sure to thoroughly read through all the info you've given me theself esteem part looks really helpful too, thank you so so much for everything and I'll do some research on the volunteering part too so maybe i can participate too!

[maryysaa]

Thank you so much Kirk! I try really hard to tell myself that my life has meaning and yes sometimes I don't beloeve it sometimes when I'm happy I do. But I'll keep yours and Nowuccas' advice and kind words in mind. I'm glad I joined this forum! :)

[bdsxuyenmoc]

Thank you so much Kirk! I try really hard to tell myself that my life has meaning and yes sometimes I don't beloeve it sometimes when I'm happy I do. But I'll keep yours and Nowuccas' advice and kind words in mind. I'm glad I joined this forum! :) lên cho anh em cần

[Kirk]

Try to remember we all have bad days and I have had quite a few myself, but odds are in your favor that
the good days will out number the bad ones.

[Aloha808]

Maryysaa,
I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles and my heart really breaks for you. I understand completely your situation as I myself have had to struggle with general anxiety and depression. You do sound like a very bright intelligent upbeat woman though and I believe you are capable of getting through this. Aside from the medication you said you were taking are you seeing any psychologists/ psychiatrist? If not I would recommend looking into seeing one as they can be very helpful in suggesting coping strategies and ways to overcome some of the things you mentioned like self esteem etc.
I personally found the site focus on the family really helpful as they have heaps of articles and resources on things like depression, anxiety, relationships etc.
I hope today is one of the good days for you, but if you ever need to talk to someone who’s been where you are, I’d be happy to chat with you further.