PDA

View Full Version : Anxiety The Friend



raggamuffin
08-01-2016, 04:45 PM
I wrote this the other evening and thought I'd share my experiences. This is coming from someone who's had anxiety for over 8 years now. 6 of those in the beginning were frought with 24/7 symptoms. In the past 18-24 months I've seen huge improvements. I got a new job, moved home, made new friends, discovered meditation, healthy eating and rekindled my passion for art.

So here goes, my two cents on how and why anxiety is a friend and not a foe:

"Anxiety is actually a friend, what an odd statement to make. Over the years I've spoken with many people about their journey with anxiety. The more open I've been with my story the more people have opened up to me to share their own experiences with anxiety and depression. What we project to the world is reflected back to us, an important statement to remember in life.

The more people I spoke to, the more similarities I began to see with those who live with anxiety on a daily basis. Many I've spoken to over the years had their anxiety disorder start with a panic attack. For many it was during a traumatic event in their lives and from that first sudden attack of panic, fear unlike anything ever felt before and an overwhelming sense of impending doom they descended descended into an exhausting daily routine of worry, fear and mental and bodily turmoil.

Many of these people were similar to myself, creative people. The imagination is a wonderful asset to each and every one of us. It enables us to draw, paint, sculpt, write music, think up stories and jokes, cook and all manner of other endeavours. But on the flipside, our creativity and imagination can work against us.

"What if..."

How many times have you asked yourself a "what if" question. How many times has that one simple, yet often unanswerable question sent you down a rabbit hole of question after question until you become so self absorbed that you lose sense of yourself and the anxiety begins to rapidly build and build to a point where you feel physically sick, or as if someone has wrapped a belt around your chest and is pulling it tightly against you.

With one event our lives can feel like they've changed forever. A panic attack and anxiety disorder can rob us of our sense of self. Imagine, in an instant you no longer feel safe in your own body. That is a rather terrifying and dehumanising experience to have. It hits home hard and soon we begin descending into a self absorbed bubble of paranoia and fear as people around us and indeed reality itself becomes ever more distant.

When life seems to be turned on its head we tend to look back to times before panic attacks and the physical symptoms with longing nostalgia. We wish to get back to the "good old days."

What we fail to realise is that anxiety disorders take years of poor stress management and emotional processing before they erupt and affect our body physically. Those good old days were actually the foundation for the anxiety disorder and were anything but good for our mind.

Anxiety is a friend because it's an instigator of change. A rude awakening as it were. If the mind is consistently stressed and struggling, the body will soon follow and become a stressed, aching mess.

Whilst symptoms can be painful and terrifying (I had 6+ years of 24/7 symptoms) it is there to tell you that you need to change - for the better. Whilst we often feel jeopardised and fragile when anxiety hits us, in reality it's trying to make us stronger. I spent years convinced the aches and pains were disease and death was waiting around every corner. I felt feeble, angry at myself, and resentful that it had to happen to me.

The more I began to reflect on the past and my life as a whole I realised that I really was not happy before I started having panic attacks and began that 6 year journey of aches and pains. I used drugs to try and eradicate boredom, I dated people back to back to avoid spending too much time alone and I flunked college and uni because I felt like I had no idea where I was going in life or what I'd ever amount to.

It's no wonder anxiety comes along when things are at their worst. Initially we will assume it's kicking us whilst we're down. It's no lie to admit that struggling with the day to day of life whilst aching and constantly fretting when you'll freak out next makes life that much harder.

But again It's showing us we're not happy where we are in life. Our anxiety is our own. Without us our anxiety doesn't exist. But remember that life is a mirror. It reflects back at us what we put out into the world. For years when I felt like death each day I saw the world and the people in it as scary, unsympathetic and increasingly frustrating. But that was because in myself I still assumed the pains caused by anxiety was disease. That I was genuinely sick and the confusion of it all brought about a lot of negative emotions.

When facing the uncertainty and fear anxiety brings about, many say we should accept anxiety and it's symptoms. Acceptance can certainly take the sting out of the tail. But we should also realise it's not a foreign invader to be ignored or bargained with. Simply saying my chest hurts because of anxiety and not a heart issue won't make the pain stop.

I never thought I'd get better, yet for all those years I endured I can safely say the past few years I've suffered with symptoms less. That's not to say I don't get symptoms daily. But they're less intense and don't last nearly as long as they used to.

I knew the road with anxiety would be a long one. But it's not a road to recovery as anxiety isn't ever really going anywhere. We all get anxiety from time to time.

When I envision anxiety now as I'm walking along the road of life. I view it as someone approaching me at night. Initially there is that fear of the unknown. "Who is this person?" "Am I in danger?" "Can I escape?" But when this stranger walks past me they simply meet my gaze and smile at me.
So don't give into anxiety. Don't assume it's ruined your life or made you weaker. Don't barter with it through acceptance or hide from it with substances or prescription drugs.

Deep down we know whether or not we are truly happy. And, often instinctively we know what changes, however big or small we need to make to get where we want to be in life.

Above all, allow yourself to feel. Do not assume a bodily sensation is anxiety, or disease. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes your way. Whether internally or externally. There's no shame in feeling anxious, angry, upset, or indeed happy. Anxiety is empowered by negative emotions because it's these negative emotions our mind and body wishes to move away from, to evolve beyond.

You are supposed to feel good - that's what feelings are for. Don't hide from the bad emotions or try to shun them. They are just as valid as the positive emotions. But they are not the foundations that our life should be built on, and they are not the constructive emotions we should continue to build our lives with."

Ed

Kirk
08-02-2016, 07:08 AM
Excellent post.

aml0017
08-02-2016, 09:43 AM
Wow! What an insightful post! I admit I almost didn't read it because, well I'm lazy and it looked long lol. I'm glad I did though. I feel you have put into words a lot of things I have been working out for myself lately, but not so precisely. I have suffered from anxiety since I was about 15 or so. I had a rough 5-6 years during college in which my anxiety was nonstop. I am 35 now, and I am still dealing with it but I am past the point of constant fear. I am no longer afraid of the anxiety itself, I don't think I will die if I have a panic attack, but it is always just under the surface. I feel I've gotten so good at suppressing, avoiding, and altogether ignoring the anxiety, I am not living my life fully because of it.

"But again It's showing us we're not happy where we are in life. Our anxiety is our own. Without us our anxiety doesn't exist. But remember that life is a mirror. It reflects back at us what we put out into the world. For years when I felt like death each day I saw the world and the people in it as scary, unsympathetic and increasingly frustrating. But that was because in myself I still assumed the pains caused by anxiety was disease. That I was genuinely sick and the confusion of it all brought about a lot of negative emotions.

When facing the uncertainty and fear anxiety brings about, many say we should accept anxiety and it's symptoms. Acceptance can certainly take the sting out of the tail. But we should also realise it's not a foreign invader to be ignored or bargained with. Simply saying my chest hurts because of anxiety and not a heart issue won't make the pain stop."

This really resonates with me. I have fully "accepted" my anxiety but I am doing that by also accepting my life won't ever get better, or that I don't deserve happiness. That I have no sense of self worth. That I just have to stay in the safe little bubble I have created for myself to keep the bad feelings at bay. So I have spent my life just "being ok" but there is no real happiness, no growth, no meaning. The uncertainty is the most terrifying thing for me I think. Anxiety feels less to me like a chemical imbalance or mental illness and more like a existential struggle inside of myself. I am trying to move past that at this point in my life.

Anne1221
08-02-2016, 11:25 AM
There are definitely "upsides" and "downsides" to anxiety. I worked at a place where I was the "anxious one" but that made me do my job super well. I watched while two other managers were let go, I guess they didn't worry enough to take their jobs seriously and do a good job. I did and when I left I had a huge party. When they left, the were just walked out the door.

Aml0017, I wouldn't lump having no feelings of self-worth in with anxiety. I think you could get counseling to find out why you don't have self worth. But if you feel fear and panic and anxiety, well, that's different. That's anxiety.

gypsylee
08-02-2016, 08:36 PM
Hey Raggamuffin :)

I've thought about this a lot as well, in that my anxiety has not allowed me to stay in situations that are bad for my "soul". The perfect example is my marriage to a man who was (and still is, because we have a daughter) emotionally abusive. I think many women would have stayed and by now (15 years on) would be complete shells of their former selves. I've suffered immensely simply having to deal with this man, and would give anything to have cut him off, but I'm still better off than if I had stayed with him - I'm pretty sure he would've become physically abusive as well.

That said, I think it's tempting to "romanticise" anxiety when you're in a good place with it. I ended up in intensive care for a week with alcohol-induced Pancreatitis because my anxiety was that bad I drank like a fish just to try and cope. I'm insulin-dependent now from Pancreatic Necrosis. That's the reality of severe anxiety. Again, this was a bit of a blessing in disguise because alcoholism is a living hell and it forced me to face it while I was still pretty young.

So I enjoyed your post and on one level I totally agree but just wanted to add that when anxiety has a hold of you it's really, really nasty.

All the best,
Gypsy x

aml0017
08-04-2016, 10:38 AM
My low self worth and my anxiety are all intertwined for me. One does not necessarily lead to the other but my low self worth is definitely a trigger for my anxiety. It makes me feel so powerless and indecisive about every thing I do or say and I have to over analyze everything. Everything that goes wrong in my life is viewed as some sort of personal failure, even if it is something I could not have controlled. I don't deny there may be an underlying chemical imbalance causing anxiety, but I cannot separate the two issues, my emotions are not compartmentalized that way.