Looking for practical advice about re-joining the world.

[NomDePlume]

Hi everyone,

I was writing to ask for advice anyone here might be able to give:

If I give a bit of my background; I'm currently 33 years old, whilst I've suffered from depression and anxiety all of my life the last 5 years or so have been a absolute low point for me. I've been unemployed for the entire time, I very rarely leave the house because I have no reason to do so.

I've entirely lost contact with any past friends and the majority of my family; whole months can go by without me interacting with anyone. My parents emigrated some years ago but allow me to remain in the family home (unaware of the severity of my condition) so I've not needed to worry about bills, but this has in turn made me much worse (as regards anxiety) than I would otherwise have been because it's meant that my world has become incredibly small. I'm currently seeing an NHS provided psychologist on a weekly basis but nothing else.

After years of social isolation and unemployment as a result of social anxiety and a subsequent depression, whenever I have periods of feeling ‘better’ or at least more positive I’ve found myself with no ways to re-join society; I thought I might volunteer to feel as though I was doing something and gain experience but I have no references at all due to the years of isolation; when seeking volunteer or part-time work organisations I’ve contacted reply with standard forms to fill in which don’t leave me much chance to explain my situation. So I’m unable to do anything positive which then feeds back into my depression and feeling of isolation. I feel I’m in a terrible rut I can’t escape from.

The idea of going to the jobcentre for advice terrifies me as I know they have very poor reputation indeed for helping people with mental health issues. I attended a Mind course for anxiety sufferers recently where a woman who’d been an NHS manager before leaving work for five years for a mental health condition told a story of going to the jobcentre and being told frankly she’d only be good for stacking shelves in Poundland if she was lucky, so I with less experience than her would have no chance at all. I worry I’m unemployable and useless and at times I feel there’s little point carrying on.

I have no idea how to escape this situation and was wondering if anyone had any advice.

Thanks.

[PanicCured]

What if this is a great chance to create a new life? Like out with the old and in with the new? This could be a really good opportunity for you. Kind of like moving to brand new country not knowing anyone, and starting a life. Kind of like coming back out of the womb in rebirth. I kind of like it! Maybe to start, get some type of job where you are around people like at a restaurant or something, that isn't too stressful. Build a new community of friends. Start off low and work your way up or just use it as a jumping point for something else. And interaction with people is great for anxiety. Also, people at restaurants tens to hang out after. Maybe get a job where you are around people that you can get hired pretty easily to start, not like a lone desk job.

[Anne1221]

Start out with small steps. Every organization needs volunteers. Each week stop by one church or other place that could use volunteers and just tell them you want to help in any way you can. Each small step leads to new steps. It will be hard but OH SO WELL WORTH THE EFFORT. Please try! Volunteer work can lead to pay work. Each new person you meet will help you rebuild your life. I know it's hard but you need to get out of your house and widen your life. The above post has some great advice! See if you can meet some neighbors too. You can do it, I just know you can.

[Positivethoughtonly]

YOU CAN DO IT. I know you can. I'm sending tones and tones of positive energy your way.

[Nowuccas]

Hey NomDePlume,

You could begin by volunteering online, (Google: "volunteer online, list options)" and after a several weeks to a few months, list your activities and staple an addendum to the forms applying for volunteer work in your neighbourhood.

On the addendum also state that you are keen, reliable, trustworthy, and could begin very soon.

Remember to keep a record of your accomplishments, so that you can refer to it occasionally, and use it, as well as personal references gained from volunteering locally in support of any future application for paid employment.

[gypsylee]

Kind of like coming back out of the womb in rebirth. I kind of like it!

LOL!

I'm not exactly sociable but going months without interacting with anyone would drive me insane. When my social anxiety is at its peak I do things like go out to the supermarket at night or even the convenience store if I can't handle the supermarket. Do you have a car?

[Kirk]

I think doing volunteer work can be a good starting point. Volunteer work can also lead to regular paid employment, once they see what
a good job you can do.

[The Intolerable Kid]

You could try to find something online where you can work from home. You could also try to start with a part time night job. Working nights tends to limit your contact with people and keep stress levels down in my opinion. Frankly, your description of isolation sounds good to me - but then I enjoy solitude. Good luck.

[NomDePlume]

Thanks very much indeed for the replies and positive support. I shall try again to go down the volunteer route as best I can I think.

[Anne1221]

Wow, all of the above posts have given good advice. Our anxiety makes us not want to be around people, but actually talking to other people can be very helpful for anxiety. Volunteer work has actually been shown to be a very effective way to makes us feel good about ourselves. GOOD FOR YOU FOR TRYING!

[Michael24]

This sounds incredibly similar to my situation right now and I feel completely stuck also.

Suffering from OCD for as long as I can remember, I am now 31 and can't get out of the mess I find myself in. I've never had a job and am terrified of even applying for them now as I do not know how to explain the years of achieving nothing. I tried uni straight out of sixth form and during sixth form was when life really started to get messed up. Uni was unsuccessful and after a while of nothing I got the courage to enrol on a college course. Again I messed this up when OCD/anxiety stuff was obviously too much. And since then I've just gong deeper and deeper into my mess.

Last year I finally moved out of home and live by myself now. This has helped with my ocd and I feel like I could actually do a job. I am just terrified of the whole process of getting one and have no clue how to explain myself to people or see any way that people would give me one.

I also somehow manage to have a relationship at the moment but ultimately feel like my issues will effect this soon enough. Since I find it too hard to fully involve myself with her friends and family etc for the fear of any of them talking to me about anything about myself. The dreaded question 'so what do you do?'.