At a loss

[sluna85]

I'm completly at a loss right now. My anxiety is starting to get a death grib on my life again and I feel powerless to stop it. I've had it since I was a small child, probable my whole life. I've waned in an out of control since then. About a year and a half ago a doctor finaly told me that I was having panic attacks. Since then I've realized everything in my life revolves around my anexity. I fear so many things. Sometimes the fear is sutile, just a random thought of how the building could collapse on me, and then I wince and push it aside. Other times I will break down into tears at the sheer thought of entering the building, for I'm certian it will come down on me. Since I've found out what I have, and have started to research it, I have gained a general control. Not to mention my life has been pretty great this past year.
But now the walls are pressing in on me. Everywhere I turn there are more things to fear, more things that make me feel lost and helpless. Not even praying to the Goddess can sooth this pain. I know I should see someone. I've had countless people tell me I will get better if I go see a counsiler, and living on campus I have access to several. But I cant...I dont know what it is I fear so much about this but I just cant. It's like I have a secreat idenity and if I go see a counciler my idenity will be revealed and my world will shatter. I will no longer be able to stand on my own two feet. But I guess I'm no longer standing anyway. Swaying helplessly, waiting for someone to catch me before I fall.
I'm afraid of myself. I use to cut. I don't want to ever do that again, and in truth I don't hate myself the way I did in those dark days. But I also know the relif it brings. And sometimes my skin crawls, itching from the inside, as if something wants to be let out. I dont really have a goal in life right now. Two months ago I had a goal, and I achived that goal. I have other life goals, but they seem so distant so unrealistic, so unsure, I can't even force myself to think about them becuase all the doubts and uncertianties overpower me. So why am I here? It is so strange to feel this horrible. I know the beauty in life. I watch the beautiful colors of the leafs falling to the ground and now the all is alive. I know the god and goddess are in each leaf and it is gorgous. I know I was born to admire life, to be something beautiful myself. Why can't I enjoy the gifts I've been given?
But I do. There are moments when I am the happiest person I know. Smiling, laughing, teasing, jumping around like a squirl on crack. But I'm detached. I'm no longer connected to life the way I was a few months ago. What will become of me?

[joey9]

You may well find that your anxiety waxes and wanes like this for the rest of your life. When you are under a lot of stress, you will start to feel anxious - even if you aren't even really aware that you are under stress. You anxiety may not be about the real life 'stressor' - but when you are stressing that's when all your fears rise to the surface and make you anxious about those fears. What you can do about it is to 1) most importantly try to become more aware of when you are stressed, and when you are you really need to give yourself a break to calm down, so learn to put things down that aren't immediately urgent, and learn relaxation techniques, meditation and make sure you are healthy, active, and eating properly. 2) Try some thought modification techniqes so that your fears become less powerful when they do surface. If any of your stressors are created by your own mind, it is important to try to prevent anxiety by changing your way of thinking. 3) Take over the counter supplements when necessary to try to prevent or dilute the anxious feelings. Ones that are frequently talked about on this site are Vitamin B complex, magnesium, 5-HTP and GABA. 4) Try to talk about your fears if you can. You may find that talking about them makes them feel less real. 5) Always remember that you can and will feel better. You are just having a bad time at the moment but this will not last, and if you look after yourself you can help prevent future episodes.

[Carla]

Hello!
You have come this far in life with anxiety and so I am sure you can also deal with how you are feeling right now. I have only had anxiety for a while *several months* but I know how awful it is. I use over the counter natural medications and for me they do help to an extent, especially 5-HTP. I think you should seek help from counselling as I am sure it will be of great help to you. I have had CBT and it really changed how I felt and made me feel a lot better. You dont have to spend your life suffering like this and by getting all the help you can by medication, whether it is over the counter or prescribed, counselling, diet, exercise and researching all you can about anxiety and also by using forums like this one, you can ease the anxiety. Keep posting as there are a lot of people on this site who can relate to how you are feeling and who will be able to offer advice and reassurance.
Hugs