I was a 38 year old male virgin until last night!

[sorrownomore]

I grew up in a religious fundamentalist Christian background. The narrative that I was indoctrinated with was "you'll never find a better woman than the one you meet in church." As my life has progressed throughout the years I have, of course, learned the hard way that life doesn't work out the way you were taught as a child, sometimes.

Over the years I've increasingly become sexually frustrated. My sex life has consisted of websites and masturbating to facebook "friends" who've I've found attractive, meaning I didn't have one. Last night I finally worked up the gumption to say "F-it" and crossed the line. I went over to a friends house who invited me to "netflix and chill". I took all the advice that I got from youtube motivational videos and talked my friend (F 44) into having sex. I bought condoms prior to arriving at her house. All my years of "Christian" education there wasn't one sex ed course. I didn't even know how to really put the damn thing on. After foreplay we went into her room and I put the rubber (incorrectly I'm sure) on and I proceeded to pretend to know what I was doing (I never told her I was a virgin). After a failed attempt we laid in the bed and talked. I finally got an erection and talked her back in to having another go. I was finally successful and on the inside. I did my thing for an estimated 5 minutes and then pulled out. The thing is, which has me worried sick, is that I took the rubber off because I couldn't get hard with it on. After the "successful" attempt, come to find out, I learned my friend is sexually active and the men she's been with never use a rubber.

Aside from the slight possibility of getting an older woman pregnant should I be worried about the STD factor? I think I already know the answer to this and I'm just posting this damn thread for a false sense of security. I know I messed up, and I shouldn't excuse myself and accept personal responsibility, but I am a human being and going without sex for years is demoralizing and debilitating. I had thought about doing a "massage session" on backpage.com but knowing my luck I would've been busted in a sting operation, tazed, beaten, publicly humiliated, heavily fined, end up with 3 years probation and a minor jail sentence where I become Tobias Beecher from the HBO prison show Oz.

I've also learned that maintaining an erection is hard for me (no pun intended). Is it because of nerves you think or other factors? The thing is I never usually take risks like this in my life! I'm good with my money and finally figured out what I want to do with my future. The thing is I possibly threw that all away because my friend is kind of woman who would keep the child if she were to get pregnant. I think I may have tied myself down all because I had to cross one major thing off my bucket list before I move away out of my hometown.

This morning I feel like complete crap and don't know what to do!

Feel free to lecture me, offer advice, delete the thread, or whatever.

[Kirk]

In the future a condom would be the way to go whether oral or vaginal sex. Hopefully you won't get any STD's,. It may make you feel better to discuss it with your physician.
Hopefully she won't get pregnant, as that may just be luck anyway. As far as the ability to get an erection, that is just nerves as don't forget it was your first time. Don't beat yourself
up about it. I will tell you a funny story that happened to me when I was around 21 or so and I am 59 now. I had this cute little blond girlfriend. We had not been going out long and
we had not had sex yet. We went back to my apartment and we went into the bedroom. For the life of me I could not maintain an erection. She tried everything she could to no avail.
Boy was I embarrased. I remember wishing I could hide and go back into a shell like a turtle. She was pretty nice about it and I made up for it next time. I attribute it to nerves, the same
as you. I used to have the girl put the condoms on as it was easier for me.

[Kirk]

By the way, I forgot to welcome you to the forum.

[sorrownomore]

By the way, I forgot to welcome you to the forum.

Thanks Kirk! Aside from sexual frustration I also suffer from depression. I'm definitely going to seek out professional help for my issues like I've done in the past!

[Ponder]

I can tell you those churches damage a lot of good people and do so in many ways. The only screwing concept they have is that of screwing with peoples heads. It comes as no surprise to take in your introduction and then read what you have written. I would say I understand well the urge you had and also the mindset you took. It takes a huge amount of courage after being manipulated by the church like that. It's taken me a life time to heal from the side effects of having endured similar churches / religious establishments.

You did well all things considered. Let me tell you it get's easier now. Just make sure you make your moves for the right reasons ... reasons that feel good to you and from a place that makes you happy. Now that you have shifted that terrible burden, it should be easier to move and eventually you'll lighten the load with each new experience. Just be sure not to give in to depression by making a concentrated effort to seek out new experiences ... mostly those that you that make you feel good about yourself.

Welcome to the Forum. I also guess congratulations is in order. You probably feel like crap because you know you've been robbed of experience and also affected by the church ... thing is, you have now moved on and although perhaps somewhat late, I again urge you to get up and keep moving on. Don't focus too much on the events.

You've done well all things considered ... now is the time to keep moving!

[Dahila]

I am signing under above post. Welcome to the forum, From now on it is going to be easier, and happiness is around the corner :)

[HookTheCodfish]

It's definitely better to get to know your partner before going all the way, and not just because of pregnancy or disease. Like you I'm anti-social and a late bloomer, and I lost my virginity at 25, on a first date with a guy who I'd vaguely known back in high school. He was really sweet, kind and intelligent, and we were *not* a good match, and I was having mental problems at the time, so I dumped him about two or three weeks later. Three years later I still feel horrible for getting that close to him right away only to dump him weeks later.

[Kirk]

As I have aged, I try not to be hard on anyone as we all make mistakes. I have made plenty myself.
My daughter who will be 26 soon, has gone out with some real winners. She was duped by a player
type guy when she was in high school, if you know what I mean and she took it hard initially, but recovered.

[Jennie88]

You gotta relax, dude. That's it. That's my advice. Chill. Enjoy life. Wrap it up, of course, but relax. It's not that serious.

[sorrownomore]

I can tell you those churches damage a lot of good people and do so in many ways. The only screwing concept they have is that of screwing with peoples heads. It comes as no surprise to take in your introduction and then read what you have written. I would say I understand well the urge you had and also the mindset you took. It takes a huge amount of courage after being manipulated by the church like that. It's taken me a life time to heal from the side effects of having endured similar churches / religious establishments.

You did well all things considered. Let me tell you it get's easier now. Just make sure you make your moves for the right reasons ... reasons that feel good to you and from a place that makes you happy. Now that you have shifted that terrible burden, it should be easier to move and eventually you'll lighten the load with each new experience. Just be sure not to give in to depression by making a concentrated effort to seek out new experiences ... mostly those that you that make you feel good about yourself.

Welcome to the Forum. I also guess congratulations is in order. You probably feel like crap because you know you've been robbed of experience and also affected by the church ... thing is, you have now moved on and although perhaps somewhat late, I again urge you to get up and keep moving on. Don't focus too much on the events.

You've done well all things considered ... now is the time to keep moving!

This is exactly what I needed to read when you posted it, but for the past week I've been suffering from guilt and remorse and the possible "what if I got her pregnant" question. I guess I made my bed and I may have to lye in it. If growing up the son of a Pentecostal minister didn't inflict enough guilt in my psychology just for existing, and having Asperger's to boot, I guess an unwanted child makes sense.

[Anne1221]

I sincerely doubt that woman is pregnant. If I read it right and she is 44, the last thing she probably wants in her life is a child. I don't think you have to worry about that. Plus, it sounds like you've had no contact with her since that night. Keep it that way. I may be wrong, but I think as women get older, they don't get pregnant as easily. I really wouldn't worry any more about that and don't feel guilty either.

[PanicCured]

Listen to me buddy! You have a lot of accumulated guilt about sex. Sex- the most natural thing all species do. Religions know that sex is personal creative power, so try and stomp it out for control. What I suggest, is get in a serious relationship built on trust and openness, and work through your problems within that. Many of your sexual problems physically and mentally will resolve itself within a long-term serious relationship.

I want you to understand this: Men need practice. Many of us sucked at sex for a long time until we not only had more experience and matured, but the girls sometimes told us what we did wrong and how to get better. We aren't so intuitive like women are. You aren't going to be Casanova overnight. Get really good at munching that box, and pleasing the woman. If you focus on pleasing the girl and really listening to her, than a lot of it will fix itself. You have to give it time, but go in there with the mindset that you want to please the girl as this is the doorway to being the bomb in bed. Eventually you will get it right, where you and the girl can both enjoy sex equally as much and make it a mutual great thing. But you need to learn some skills.

Find a girl you can be in a trusting long-term relationship with and work it out. Get really good and rubbing the clit and eating her out. Trust me! Then when you start boning, she's already super into it, breathe calmly, and make it about pleasing her. Eventually when you get good, you can make it more mutual pleasure, but really, for a guy, I don't think you can ever really get away from putting out the effort to please the girl. But eventually it can be more unity. It's a balance for guys to make sure the girl is satisfied while at the same time creating a unified sexual experience. Just try your best.

About STDs, obviously the odds are you are ok, but you can always take a test in a few months. Lots of people do not use condoms, so I am not saying the os good, but the odds are in your favor. In a fe months take a full STD test and you will see.

I recommend NOT paying for any sexual anything and really get in a committed long-term relationship with a girl that knows your sexual history and you can work it out. with But remember, you will suck in bed for some time. It's ok. We all were there t one point. But you are older so you have the maturity and understanding to be attentive, so it won't take you so long if you put out the effort. In a relationship you can have sex like 5 times a day if you want. Don't be an insecure wimp, just try you best.

Hint: try a couple beers before sex. Not always, but a few times. The alcohol and hops relax you. More relaxed, better boners!

Have fun!

PS- Never tell her she looks fat in that dress even when she asks you.

[gypsylee]

Listen to me buddy! You have a lot of accumulated guilt about sex. Sex- the most natural thing all species do. Religions know that sex is personal creative power, so try and stomp it out for control. What I suggest, is get in a serious relationship built on trust and openness, and work through your problems within that. Many of your sexual problems physically and mentally will resolve itself within a long-term serious relationship.

I want you to understand this: Men need practice. Many of us sucked at sex for a long time until we not only had more experience and matured, but the girls sometimes told us what we did wrong and how to get better. We aren't so intuitive like women are. You aren't going to be Casanova overnight. Get really good at munching that box, and pleasing the woman. If you focus on pleasing the girl and really listening to her, than a lot of it will fix itself. You have to give it time, but go in there with the mindset that you want to please the girl as this is the doorway to being the bomb in bed. Eventually you will get it right, where you and the girl can both enjoy sex equally as much and make it a mutual great thing. But you need to learn some skills.

Find a girl you can be in a trusting long-term relationship with and work it out. Get really good and rubbing the clit and eating her out. Trust me! Then when you start boning, she's already super into it, breathe calmly, and make it about pleasing her. Eventually when you get good, you can make it more mutual pleasure, but really, for a guy, I don't think you can ever really get away from putting out the effort to please the girl. But eventually it can be more unity. It's a balance for guys to make sure the girl is satisfied while at the same time creating a unified sexual experience. Just try your best.

About STDs, obviously the odds are you are ok, but you can always take a test in a few months. Lots of people do not use condoms, so I am not saying the os good, but the odds are in your favor. In a fe months take a full STD test and you will see.

I recommend NOT paying for any sexual anything and really get in a committed long-term relationship with a girl that knows your sexual history and you can work it out. with But remember, you will suck in bed for some time. It's ok. We all were there t one point. But you are older so you have the maturity and understanding to be attentive, so it won't take you so long if you put out the effort. In a relationship you can have sex like 5 times a day if you want. Don't be an insecure wimp, just try you best.

Hint: try a couple beers before sex. Not always, but a few times. The alcohol and hops relax you. More relaxed, better boners!

Have fun!

PS- Never tell her she looks fat in that dress even when she asks you.

Most of you suck at sex forever LOLOLOLLLL.

[PanicCured]

Most of you suck at sex forever LOLOLOLLLL.

Well send those guys to my post and we'll get them sorted out.