Did I do the right thing?

[xxfairybluxx]

Hi all. Sorry about my recent bombardment of posts but talking on here always makes me feel a little better.

I've been suffering from anxiety for at least 2 years. I've not been to a psychologist and don't want to go to one, i'm trying to sort my problems out on my own. The thing is, when I start feeling anxious I can't think of anything else and feel terrible. But when im not thinking about it, I feel ok.

It began when I started thinking about stuff id done in the past and thinking how abnormal and weird some of it was (even though I was only a kid and kids do weird things sometimes). It built up into thinking I wasn't normal and must have had something wrong with me.
Then I started feeling anxious about my boyfriend and whether I loved him. I constantly questioned how I felt and whether I meant it. We were great together and had loads of fun but my anxiety was always at the back of my mind. This all came together to form a constant worry of not feeling how I should be feeling and not being normal. Trying to rationalise it only made it worse. I kept jumping to conclusions and feeling sure that I had worked out why I felt anxious about the relationship but the next day i'd feel totally different.

Well, now i've broken up with him. It came as a total shock to him and everyone else but I felt like I was leading him on if I wasn't in love with him. I've had lots of advice from people and the general consensus is that if I was in love i'd know. I just can't help feeling that this whole thing has been caused by my anxiety and over analysing everything. There was nothing wrong with our relationship and he was absolutely lovely but I just couldn't stand the anxiety and constant doubt anymore. I guess time will tell if i've done the right thing or not.

:(

[Carla]

[b]Hello
Its so difficult isnt it? You will know if your boyfriend is the one for you or not because no matter how much anxiety plays with your mind and thoughts, if you truly do love him. you will miss him and know that you need him in your life. You either love someone or you dont and there are no half measures with love. I can doubt everything there is to doubt sometimes and I know it is the anxiety making me do that. It wears me out at times. I think regardless of anxiety though, everyone questions their relationships at times and it is possible that you having doubts about your boyfriend has nothing to do with anxiety and everything to do with how you feel about whether he is right for you or not. You will know how much he does truly mean to you, anxiety or no anxiety, because if you find you are really missing him and want and need him in your life and it is unbearable without him around then he is right for you, but if you find you dont miss him and all the rest then maybe you made the right decision. Maybe you need some time out away from being in a relationship whilst you focus on your own self for a while. Anxiety can cloud our judgement I know but I believe if you really truly love someone you wouldnt end it due to doubtful thoughts caused purely by anxiety alone. It can make relationships very difficult and put a lot of strain on them and I appreciate that. I am a nightmare at times but somewhere within me the voice of sense tells me what is worth fighting for and keeping even though I have anxiety. I wont let anxiety destroy a relationship with someone that I love. I wish you all the best. Like you said time will tell.

[xxfairybluxx]

Thats whats so hard, I just don't know if the feeling in my gut was telling me that something wasn't right or was just my anxiety. But I don't think its possible to really know that and thinking about it too much doesn't help. We were great together and he doted on me, taking me out on day trips and telling me he loved me all of the time. I kept feeling that I was doing things out of routine and that I should feel more than I did :cry: I told him that I loved him when I wasn't sure if I meant it which I really regret. Then again, maybe it was love and im just being totally stupid. Its so confusing! Trying to explain why we broke up is so hard because I don't totally know why.

I'm just going to try and focus on making myself feel happier and try to ignore this self loathing. I feel ok when im not beating myself up about silly little things. I think I just need to think positive and forget all the bad stuff because you can't change the past and obsessing over it isn't healthy.