Any advice with dealing with my anxiety/depression?

[Lorelei Noel]

Hi. I'm new to this forum. I came here to talk about some of the problems I'm dealing with and to ask for good advice.To start off, I'd like to say that I've talked with my parents about these problems, but as they're religous, they think I can pray them away or talk to a pastor. They don't believe that therapy would be better with dealing with them, nor can my family afford a therapist/medical insurance. I with all my heart can say I don't believe that talking to a pastor will help me because I get the same type of answer: pray and trust in God. I talk regularly with my friends and family but things don't seem to change. I go to a Christian school, so talking to a teacher will not reap a different result. Now on to the problems. If I don't keep my mind occupied with the Internet, movies, tv, books etc. I get very anxious and have bad nightmares. When I'm on my phone or watching tv, I can forget my surroundings and won't be worried. But if I'm in a group of people or all alone without distractions from my thoughts, I feel like I'm being watched. If I close myself into a small space, I feel I have more control because I can watch everything carefully, but then I start feeling trapped. I'm claustraphobic to the point where I can't wear hats, makeup, tight clothes etc. When Im in an open space, I feel I'm losing control, or I have irrational fears of being cornered. So it would seem the answer to the problem would be to keep myself occupied and interact with small groups of people. My relationships with people bring me absolutely no happiness. I'm at the point where if I let myself feel, I get bad anxiety. I think I've been hurt too much in the past and can't let myself care, or I fall into deeper depression and have panicked/suicidal/self harming thoughts. I can't make myself care and don't have motivation. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to eat, I don't want to talk, I just wanna be in peace. So I stay in bed and avoid thinking. Because thinking hurts. Of course, I know this isn't healthy, but what can I do? I can't stop the thoughts, I can't make them more bearable. I can't motivate myself. I can't want to be around people. I'm just stuck in this place where the only happiness I can find is distractions. I don't think I'm alone in this, I don't think that I'm some kind of victim. I used to blame everyone else, but it made me so emotional. Of course lots of people have more problems then me. And I try to be grateful. But I've been dealing with emotional problems/trauma my whole entire life. I'm closed off into a little religous bubble where I can't get actual help. Can anybody give me advice? I feel I have no options.
Thanks for reading.

[Kirk]

Welcome to the forum. I am not sure if you live in the USA, but if you do, their are many free medical programs which will enable
you to get the help you need to get better.

[The Intolerable Kid]

I was trapped in a religious school for two years. You have my sympathies, that kind of environment only makes anxiety worse. Just keep in mind that you'll eventually get out, like a short prison sentence. Is seeking medication for your anxiety out of the question? I assume you're expected to pursue a jesus-based solution to all your problems. Good luck to you.

[Nowuccas]

Hey Lorelei Noel,

Some suggestions and information follows:

Somewhere between 5% and 10% of the population suffer from depression, so there should be a number of them in your location, and they can learn to help each other.

CO-COUNSELLING:
Although counselling by someone properly trained in the procedures is much preferable; those unable to access it may benefit by getting together with a similar sufferer nearby, and using the advice at http://www.rc.org/ If you are in a city, use the Groups, at Google, Yahoo, & https://www.google.com.au/search?client=opera&q=groups%3B+online+forums&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 in an attempt to find someone similar nearby. In a smaller place, possibly putting in a notice in the local newspaper, or at the shops, town hall, supermarket, etc.

Nightmares / bad dreams are common in people with anxiety and / or depression.

Recurring nightmares:

A previous answer follows: Remember the troubling nightmare in as much detail as you can. Create a scenario in which you manage to prevail. "Tonight, in my dreams, I want to confront the ???/call on a dream ally for help". Write down your chosen form on a piece of paper, at least 3 times, and repeat 3 times aloud, after lights out, and visualise yourself doing it, as vividly as you can, and WANT TO DO IT!!!, with all the desire you can muster, to better communicate this concept to your subconscious mind, through imagery & emotional intensity, so it understands that this is important. Place the piece of paper under your pillow (metaphorically "sleeping on it"). Your subconscious existed before you could walk, or talk. It knows images, muscles/movement, and emotions: communicate with it in terms it can understand. It doesn't understand negatives, and everything is in the present tense to it; there is no past or future. When dreaming, try calling for assistance from a dream character - anyone, alive or long since passed on, even your favorite superhero is available to provide assistance, in the dreamstate.

You can even try the technique of "dream re-entry", and use your new solution in that exact same situation. Try the above for 2 - 3 weeks; I believe there is a good chance they will work. Options, for later: Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are on page O at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com, below where this came from. My experience, however, is that the subconscious mind will re-manifest them in a different form, until what it sees as the problem is satisfactorily dealt with. In dream analysis, we are taught that each character inhabiting a dream represents some part of us. It is an axiom that the sole judge of the interpretation of any dream/nightmare is the person who dreamt it. If the nightmare doesn't respond to the above, after a few weeks of trying that technique every night; then it is time to look deeper for the cause. You may benefit from looking at your normal waking life.

What problems, and decisions are there? Is there something you have been avoiding, or putting off? Your subconscious mind is trying to get you to focus on something which it considers is important, and resolve it. You could try asking for an answer in your dreams, as per the previous answer, writing it down 3 times, repeating to yourself in bed, after lights out, and focusing on wanting the answer. "Tonight, in my dreams, I want to remember what the figure is trying to tell me". This method, if it works, should do so in a week, or two. If not, hypnotictapes.com has one titled "dream the answer", but professional hypnotherapy is always much preferable. Many nightmares result from anxiety, so I suggest that learning to deal effectively with the anxiety in your normal waking life may well have a carryover effect into the realm of dreams. http://sfhelp.org/gwc/wounds.htm may be worth checking out, as well. I have noticed that, since I began using 100mg of 5-htp daily for anxiety, my dreams have become considerably less unpleasant(if you decide to try it, begin with 50 mg, and if no adverse reaction, increase slowly to 100, 150, or 200 mg. I regard 300 mg as the maximum safe dosage, but would advise seeking medical advice beforehand. Avoid protein intake 2 hrs before, until 2 hrs after, or take with a very low protein meal or snack, to maximise the amount crossing the blood / brain barrier).

Eating some things, like large, hot, heavy, or spicy meals late at night, results in nightmares for some people, so be aware of this, and if you experience a nightmare, ask yourself what was it that you ate beforehand, and avoid such "nightmare triggers" in future, unless consumed early in the evening, or before. Avoid coffee/caffeine products within 6 hrs of bedtime; a list is on page F, at weebly.com, below. If you go to http://www.mercola.com and type "EFT" (and EFT therapists) in the taskbar provided, there is an affirmation on nightmares, and this technique is well worth trying, before paying for remedies or professional therapy, and if you give it a good try, but find it ineffective, the alternatives are still there for you to try. www.tapping.com has 13 free videos on it; also www.emofree.com. Read: Banishing Night Terrors And Nightmares: A Breakthrough Program to Heal the Traumas That Shatter Peaceful Sleep by Christopher Raoul Carranza and Jane Rogers Dill, from your bookstore, or Amazon.com More on hypnosis for nightmares is at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/o.html and effective natural treatments for anxiety are shown on pages 1, and i. If stressed, see page M. More about dream analysis is on page O. View http://www.dreammoods.com/dreaminformation/dreamtheory/perls.htm

[Nowuccas]

Systematic Desensitisation Therapy, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy have been shown to be effective in the treatment of phobia. "A fear avoided is a fear strengthened; a fear faced is a fear reduced". Also worth considering are hypnotherapy, particularly from a reputable professional hypnotherapist, and EFT. Give EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at * http://eft.mercola.com - or www.tapping.com or www.eftuniverse.com www.emofree.com or YouTube EFT. Professionally instructed is best. Google: "therapists; EFT, (your location)". - There is a version for use in public places,* (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have a fear of ..........., I deeply and completely accept myself." as you employ the acupressure massage/tapping technique. Anyone from any country should closely examine the advice at the following websites, before beginning their search for a suitable therapist: http://1-800-therapist.com/index.html and http://www.metanoia.org/choose/

View: "How to Overcome Phobia", at http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Phobia

RECOMMENDED READING: Anxiety, Phobias, & Panic: A Step-by-Step Program for Regaining Control of Your Life by Reneau Z. Peurifoy, & Triumph Over Fear: A Book of Help and Hope for People with Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and Phobias by Jerilyn Ross, & The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook, Fourth Edition by Edmund J. Bourne, & *The Tapping Cure: A Revolutionary System for Rapid Relief from Phobias, Anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and More by Roberta Temes Ph.D., from your bookstore, Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com and enter "phobia; media" in their searchbars for more.

"Even if we have some vague idea that we are not our feelings or our thoughts, when we are experiencing painful feelings or painful thoughts, we believe we have to feel them or think them just because of the fact that they are occurring to us. But painful feelings can be indirectly controlled by physical action, and changing our present thoughts for different thoughts (since feeling occurs as a result of thinking.) Painful thoughts can be directly controlled by choosing replacement thoughts for the ones that are troubling us. Sure, it takes some practice to change a habit of suffering. But it can be done. Of course it can't be done if we choose to believe that it can't be done. But, since the choice is ours, why not choose to believe it can be done, and do it?" Read: Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, & "Feeling Good." The New Mood Therapy. Harper Collins.1999. ( updated sequel to his US bestseller about treating depression & anxiety; very comprehensive), by David D. Burns, M.D., & Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman.

Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind; view http://myfavoriteinterests.com/hypnosis/ about what it is, and isn't. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has one about overcoming fear and anxiety, or asktheinternettherapist.com has: Stop Fears and Phobias, CD, & MP3. Professional advice is to use only one, or up to a maximum of 2 at any one time.

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Use the relaxation methods at http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm
or www.wikihow.com/Meditate or the Yoga Nidra, (actually a meditative practice; a series of simple mental exercises only; no flexibility required) at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34171-Questions-relating-to-troubles-with-meditation&p=224951#post224951

Some people are still dismissive of them, but scientific testing has demonstrated conclusively that they increase activity and may, after regularly practising for a couple of months, result in a thickening of the walls of the prefrontal cortex, and better enable it and the hippocampus to control the amygdala, which is the fear centre, where panic attacks originate.

Learn them at least a few hours apart, and preferably on different days, in the morning, or early afternoon. Use the one you find most effective. A minimum of 10 mns is recommended; 15 is better, and 20 is ideally preferred. Optimal results come from use twice daily, morning, and early afternoon, if possible, but once is fine, and is probably more realistically achievable in most households today.
Tai Chi, or regular yoga may suit others better. YouTube has a choice; see https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tai+chi & https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=yoga

Progressive Muscle Relaxation at http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html is more suited to treating anxiety, particularly with people who have difficulty focusing during meditation, or are more physically inclined.

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My previous posts about anxiety and depression may be viewed at:

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33964-New-to-the-site-and-looking-for-help&p=223989#post223989

HERBAL ANXIOLYTICS: (passionflower, valerian, St. John's Wort, etc.) http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34269-5-Powerful-Tools-You-Probably-Haven-t-Tried-Yet&p=225415#post225415

NON HERBAL NATURAL (NON PHARMACEUTICAL) ANXIOLTYICS: (5-htp, etc.) http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34355-Help-Please!!!/page2

DEPRESSION: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?32707-has-this-happend-to-you&p=216510#post216510

PARANOID THOUGHTS: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34250-I-always-feel-like-I-m-being-judged

Hoping something in the above helps.

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Some further thoughts:

"I just wanna be in peace" - meditation should help.

"I'm closed off into a little religous bubble where I can't get actual help" - I'm not a psychoanalyst, but it seems to me to be related to your claustrophobia.

"When Im in an open space, I feel I'm losing control, or I have irrational fears of being cornered" - the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT would be best employed in that situation; you could either use the general term, anxiety for both:

"Even though I suffer from anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself.", or change the wording to suit the situation:

"Even though I have a fear of being in enclosed places, I deeply and completely accept myself."

"Even though I have a fear of being exposed in the open, I deeply and completely accept myself.", or wording of your choice.

Once you are proficient in MTT /EFT, you could try using acupressure tapping in the open, in an unobtrusive way, by tapping on your thighs with fingertips as you walk, and subvocalising with your preference in wording.

[Lorelei Noel]

Thanks for your sympathies. I've been in Christian school for ten years and will get out in three. I'm planning on moving out of my house the day after I graduate like my older brothers have, and getting away from the church. The people in the school/church are definitely anti-meds/anti-physchology. They preach about how physchologist/physchiatrists who aren't Christian based are evil because they want to treat you with science. They think anybody who goes on medication will most likely end up killing themselves as a side effect. Trying to convince people other than what they believe, I'd probably become looked down on by the older people. Honestly,I've always treated it like a prison sentence, I'm just sad that my childhood memories will suck and I didn't get an education that was more open/less biased.

[Lorelei Noel]

Thanks for all the advice, it looks like you had to type quite a bit. �� Ill definitely check out the links and see how things work out. I don't really have recurring nightmares, but if I ever do this seems like good advice

[Nowuccas]

It's gratifying to know that someone appreciates your efforts on their behalf, but most of it is copied and pasted, as my disability prevents long typing sessions.

There may be something in their distrust of antidepressants, which have been shown to considerably increase the chances of homicidal, suicidal, or aberrant behaviour in those under around 24 - 25; see http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2016/06/30/ssri-antidepressants-suicide-risk.aspx?utm_source=dnl&utm_medium=email&utm_content=art1&utm_campaign=20160630Z3&et_cid=DM111937&et_rid=1551550365

[gypsylee]

Hi Lorelei and welcome :)

I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to think.. A lot of the time I wake up and want to go straight back to sleep so I don't have to deal with the anxiety and depression. At some point you have to face it though.

It helps me to keep in mind the saying "don't believe everything you think" - most of our thoughts are automatic and come from our subconscious. So if you've been traumatised/abused you can end up with really negative thought patterns. The trick is not getting too caught up in them. The other night I found myself having pretty severe anxiety (mine gets so bad I can barely function and feel like I'm losing my mind) and I tend to isolate myself when it happens rather than talk to people (and try to numb it with alcohol or drugs). But if I can bring myself to just reach out to someone and tell them what's going on it can make a massive difference.

Anyway, I hope you find some help here. It can be a bit crazy but I've gotten a lot of comfort out of this forum.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[brittly42]

Welcome! I'm glad you're reaching out here. It's important for you to find the support you need, and I want you to know you're not alone in this. Have you looked online for counselors in your area? Perhaps calling them can help steer you towards the resources available in your community. I would like to challenge that your teachers would only seek to evangelize you. As someone who works with youth myself, a teacher's number one concern is for her student's health and wellbeing. Teachers could be a valuable resource in getting you connected with help beyond what you can see or your parents know.

Please know I'm rooting for you. I hope you can find the support you need and so importantly deserve!

[The Intolerable Kid]

"Thanks for your sympathies. I've been in Christian school for ten years and will get out in three."
Yikes, that is a brutal sentence. Cruel without a doubt.
"I'm planning on moving out of my house the day after I graduate like my older brothers have, and getting away from the church."
Sounds like you have a solid plan in mind. Save up your money and take back your life. Glad to know the superstitious brain-washers couldn't get the better of you. Best of luck to you now and in the future!

[DevotedBaker54]

I'm sorry you feel like no one will help you! It's tough when your parents are strict and only believe what they want to believe. I'm sorry you're anxiety is so bad! I had really bad anxiety, but talked to a free counselor at my college, and she really helped me. Maybe when you get to college you can check out the counseling services?
Do your guidance counselors at school also only offer religious advice? Maybe you can talk to them.
If not, I'm not really sure what your options are, but I know you're gonna make it through :)
I will say that I'm a Christian and I do rely on my faith for lots of things, but I understand and respect that you want different help. I don't think your faith is your problem here, but your anxiety is.
One thing I learned in counseling is to ask yourself "What's the worst that could happen?" (Getting backed into a corner, being in a big group, etc.) Once you think of the worst case scenario, ask yourself, "Would I be okay if that happened?" Almost 100% of the time your response will be "Yes"

That's just one thing I remember from counseling and I hope it helps :)