eposcatharsis
07-11-2016, 04:22 AM
I am new to this forum, and naturally this is my first post. I've been drawn to this website on the basis of seeking a place whereabout I may discuss my troubles, which are both psychological and social in essence. I hope to provide myself an outlet with sincere regard for these hardships that I encounter on a very daily origin, and have only recently sought out aid for my condition. What this condition genuinely is I do not know, but I have selected this network on the assumption that my challenges are at least treatable via therapy and proper care.
I adore the process and aesthetic of writing, as is surely evident in the style I've adopted in typing this post. Words and symbols to me are a very sublime medium, holding a power I fancy is yet to be fully realized in human society. As something of a transcendentalist, I am enamored with ideas and possibilities. In fact, the more ridiculous and bizarre these ideas, the better. This attitude renders me especially apt in generating fictional works, even considering most of my chronologies are fairly trivial in length. Regardless for how I feel on the magnitude of my artistic toil, I am nonetheless incredibly imaginative and original in the content I develop.
This is where my difficulty arises, at least in part. I am what may be best described as outrageously introverted. My best work is done in isolation, yet beyond this feel I am grossly dysfunctional. The source of this stupor I suspect is more than simple introversion, as my need for solitary activity is particularly potent. To elaborate, I find my capacity for normal daily functioning to be horribly restricted in the company of any persons whatsoever. Even the presence of my closest family members affects me in a way I can neither control nor remedy.
What is frightening to me is that in severe cases, the effects of people merely in my line of sight border on the psychopathic or sociopathic. I have experienced both of these attitudes on occasions of extreme distress, and it is a principal source of my regular anxiety. When I am in particular need of sanctuary away from others, but simultaneously am unable to fulfill this need, I grow desperately angry and must fight to refrain from behaving openly violent toward strangers, friends, and even family.
It would be simple enough to hold a job and get my life in order if I lived alone, but at the moment I am unemployed and living with my mother, her spouse, and my two siblings. There is enough guilt and pressure placed on me by my parents regarding employment, however, it is doubly taxing being disabled from finding a location that isolates me. Rarely is the house ever emptied such that I am the only person home, and I am expected to be productive in an environment which strips me of my only real facility to contribute the best I can.
This relates to my work such that I am generally unable concentrate when around others, and this has been a problem since the onset of high school. Even to this day I struggle immensely maintaining focus on acquiring employment or keeping up with simple appointments. The stress alone concerning income is well enough of a burden, yet the persistent worry that I may lose my temper and attack an innocent or hurt someone dear to me is debilitating. There have been a few close calls this past month, and I don't want to risk what may happen the one time my temper slips.
To conclude this posting, I would truly appreciate honest and diplomatic feedback on what I've discussed herein. Any advice on how I can approach either matter about my lack of solitude or psychopathic tendencies would certainly not go to waste. Thank you very much for listening.
I adore the process and aesthetic of writing, as is surely evident in the style I've adopted in typing this post. Words and symbols to me are a very sublime medium, holding a power I fancy is yet to be fully realized in human society. As something of a transcendentalist, I am enamored with ideas and possibilities. In fact, the more ridiculous and bizarre these ideas, the better. This attitude renders me especially apt in generating fictional works, even considering most of my chronologies are fairly trivial in length. Regardless for how I feel on the magnitude of my artistic toil, I am nonetheless incredibly imaginative and original in the content I develop.
This is where my difficulty arises, at least in part. I am what may be best described as outrageously introverted. My best work is done in isolation, yet beyond this feel I am grossly dysfunctional. The source of this stupor I suspect is more than simple introversion, as my need for solitary activity is particularly potent. To elaborate, I find my capacity for normal daily functioning to be horribly restricted in the company of any persons whatsoever. Even the presence of my closest family members affects me in a way I can neither control nor remedy.
What is frightening to me is that in severe cases, the effects of people merely in my line of sight border on the psychopathic or sociopathic. I have experienced both of these attitudes on occasions of extreme distress, and it is a principal source of my regular anxiety. When I am in particular need of sanctuary away from others, but simultaneously am unable to fulfill this need, I grow desperately angry and must fight to refrain from behaving openly violent toward strangers, friends, and even family.
It would be simple enough to hold a job and get my life in order if I lived alone, but at the moment I am unemployed and living with my mother, her spouse, and my two siblings. There is enough guilt and pressure placed on me by my parents regarding employment, however, it is doubly taxing being disabled from finding a location that isolates me. Rarely is the house ever emptied such that I am the only person home, and I am expected to be productive in an environment which strips me of my only real facility to contribute the best I can.
This relates to my work such that I am generally unable concentrate when around others, and this has been a problem since the onset of high school. Even to this day I struggle immensely maintaining focus on acquiring employment or keeping up with simple appointments. The stress alone concerning income is well enough of a burden, yet the persistent worry that I may lose my temper and attack an innocent or hurt someone dear to me is debilitating. There have been a few close calls this past month, and I don't want to risk what may happen the one time my temper slips.
To conclude this posting, I would truly appreciate honest and diplomatic feedback on what I've discussed herein. Any advice on how I can approach either matter about my lack of solitude or psychopathic tendencies would certainly not go to waste. Thank you very much for listening.