Deeply Depressed

[Obelysk]

Here I am again, :( sorry it seems that I only come here for problems but I am just so depressed right now. I didn't get any sleep last night and when I fell a sleep for an hour I had a nightmare regarding my insecurities (anxiety always finds a way to hit me where it hurts) and left me very startled and quite frankly disoriented. :( Now I am afraid to go to sleep tonight and I feel very depressed but in real weird kind of way (may be because I am tired too), I am scared and I am not sure what to do. :( I am usually able to talk myself through this stuff but this time I can't, my anxiety is eating me and I am not sure what to do. At least once a week I don't sleep for one full night and at least once a week my anxiety feels unbearable and I just can't take it anymore, its driving me crazy. :x I feel like crying at times and my mother is getting a little tired of hearing all my problems but she tries real hard to help me. I am not sure if my counselor is working to well and I think that I am going to jump on the medication because I am completely lost right now.

[northstar]

dearest obelysk, i'm so sorry to see you hurting so much :( especially when sometimes you feel like you are making such progress. not sleeping is so frustrating, it totally burns you out especially when it comes with anxiety. you must feel worn out, i know you've been struggling hard.

don't be ashamed to try out medication, i know you've been trying lots of other methods, so it's worth giving it a try if absolutely nothing is working for you. talking to your doctor is probably the best idea, they should know at which point you need that kind of help. it is said that a combination of meds and the kinds of lifestyle changes you are making like getting in exercise, changing your diet and going to counselling can do wonders for people. as long as you're not depending totally on the medication and continue everything else that you have been doing, but i think you're aware of that already.

just also be aware that counselling can take quite a while to see the benefits of, so i wouldn't advise that you give it up if you start taking drugs. counselling is hard and it takes work, but it's important to work on your mind as well as your body. it took me several months till i saw the benefit and over a year until i felt mentally strong enough to not need it anymore. at the beginning i even thought it was a mistake because it forced me to own up to and connect with the anxiety and depression i had been trying to suppress for years. but in the end it turned out to be one of the best things i've ever done for myself.

one other thing i will suggest is have you looked into acupuncture? during my sleepless stage i had a couple of sessions and it helped me to relax enough to get in some healthy sleep, the practitioner also gave me lots of other advice so it was a great help. you may not find it the same but you might like to think about it. oh and the needles don't really hurt lol, or at least they shouldn't really hurt unless your practitioner isn't doing their job correctly! i'm not suggesting you try acupuncture over drugs, only that you could try it to help out with the lack of sleep in the meantime while you figure out what you what and talk to your doctor.

and also i can't remember if you're taking a vitamin b supplement or not? you may have told me that already? if not then give them a try, make sure they're ok to take with a medication if you choose to go that route.

you also might like to take a look at the kinds of things you are doing/eating/consuming/thinking about the one night a week that you're not sleeping? is it after really stressful days? or are you doing something different in your night time routine? or is it after a particular kind of meal? there could be lots of reasons for it, it can be helpful to take a look at whats different about the day/night you're not sleeping. i don't want you to over analyse, but just to think about it a little and you might find some clues.

remember it's ok to have bad days too, you've got to allow for that, even people without anxiety have rough days. i know how frustrating it is though and understand how overwhelmed you're feeling, but you've also got to be proud of yourself for working so hard and really trying :) ok before this turns into another one of my mega posts i'll bring it to an end. if i could i'd give you a hug lol. i really hope you're feeling better soon and like i said there's no shame it trying out meds if you feel like you've reached that point where nothing else is working for you. sometimes we all need a little help! talk to your doctor about it and i hope you come to a happy solution :console: