Anxiety coping strategies - thought I'd be feeling better

[cherryrose]

Hi, thank you for clicking on my post, I am new to the community but I have been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks for 2/3 years.

I have been seeing a counsellor while at university as my anxiety and panic attacks were getting really bad with exam stress, deadlines, social obligations, a mean housemate etc. My boyfriend is at home and I am always so much happier at home so I thought that if I could just get finished I would feel so much better and I wouldn't have this problem anymore. Especially because everything at home is so familiar and I didn't think I could feel scared like I do while I'm away. Now I'm finally finished and I'm home but my anxiety is getting worse. I've talked about it a bit with my boyfriend and he's lovely but he doesn't really understand and I don't want to scare him with it because all this time he'd been saying 'it'll be so much better when you're home' and what if it isn't?

I think one of the main problems is that I start my new job in a couple of weeks and until then I don't feel like I have a purpose and if I don't feel like I need to do something it makes me more anxious about what to do and whether I'm wasting time. I suppose I'm sort of looking for ways to distract myself or coping strategies to make myself feel better.

Thank you :halo:

[Nowuccas]

Hey cherryrose,

A previous post on anxiety follows, modified for you:

Limit "worrying time" to 30 - 45 mns, daily, possibly when you get home, or after your evening meal, but not too close to bedtime, after which, resolve firmly to refuse to worry again on that day. Understand that to do otherwise would be counterproductive to your mental health, and enjoyment of life. Having had your "worry time" for the day, you can just write down any more thoughts that come to mind, and say to yourself: "Well, I'll just have to worry about that tomorrow, won't I?".

It's important to regularly monitor, and deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, images, impulses, or emotions, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately.

Technique For Re-Programming Negative Thoughts: When you notice something negative, such as: "I can't do this/ am never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so useless/such a loser?" or even an image, emotion, or a memory; recognise that it is being generated from the negative part of your mind. After identifying, and labelling it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version.

Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method.

I'm aware of the opinion that inflicting pain doesn't prevent fear, but the intention is to reprogram, and establish a different way of thinking, by commitment to repetition. It usually takes around 25 to 40 repetitions to establish a new habit.

Try replacing a negative thought with a positive affirmation of your choice, like: "I am a unique individual, with my own set of skills, and good points", or "I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can, right now".

Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm
or www.wikihow.com/Meditate and/or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga.

Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at *http://eft.mercola.com or www.tapping.com (13 free videos) or YouTube EFT. Professionally instructed is best. There is a version for use in public places*, (you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage/tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself."

Herbal remedies, such as chamomile, passionflower, or St. John's wort, (many brands contain insufficient hyperforin to balance its hypericum content; Kira, Jarsin, and Perika brands are recommended; take with a meal) are often effective, but the idea is (as with anxiolytic medication) to use them like water wings, or training wheels on a bicycle, providing initial support, and giving time for other treatments, such as therapy, and relaxation techniques, to take effect. See http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/conditionsatod/a/Anxiety.htm

Imagine, as vividly as you possibly can, that your concerns, anxieties, worries, fears, your self-recriminations, all the agonizing "I'm-so-Stupids"; every painful "I-can't-do-it", etc., are huge raging, hurtful bulls snorting and charging at you. You see them coming at you and you hold out your red matador's cape at arms length and simply let them charge right by. Every time they come at you, hold out your arm with the red cape and let them rage and snort and go right on past. A free E course in CBT for anxiety is at: http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

85% of people are suggestible, to some extent, so consider professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are at: http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/i.html where this came from; see the rest.

Try your bookstore, Amazon.com, or BarnesAndNoble.com for: How to Control Your Anxiety before It Controls You, by Albert Ellis, & Self-Coaching: How to Heal Anxiety and Depression, Joseph J. Luciani Ph.D., & Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, by Edmund Bourne, & Natural Relief for Anxiety: Complementary Strategies for Easing Fear, Panic & Worry by Edmund J. Bourne, Arlen Brownstein, and Lorna Garano, & The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques: Understanding How Your Brain Makes You Anxious and What You Can Do to Change It by Margaret Wehrenberg, & Managing Anxiety. Kennerley, Helen., and/or "Calm : a proven four-step process designed specifically for women who worry" - Denise Marek, Hay House, c2006. and/or "Women who worry too much : how to stop worry & anxiety from ruining relationships, work & fun" - Holly Hazlett-Stevens.

[Nowuccas]

"There are some differences between anxiety and panic attacks. While books are written on this topic, the following will attempt to summarize some basics here for a brief overview".

Anxiety Attacks:
An anxiety attack, sometimes referred to as a panic attack, is an unforeseen periods or incidents where there is a sudden fright or fear of intense proportions. These attacks focus on fears that are most often not rational; however the person with the disorder believes he or she is in terrible danger or at extreme risk. Most often these anxiety attacks occur all of a sudden; i.e. they are not planned nor do they come with any type of warning mechanism built in for advance action. Results are that
the person suffering the attack will feel about to faint or near death's door. People who suffer anxiety attacks report the following symptoms, listed in no particular order:
Discomfort or pain in the chest Vertigo or
Dizziness Upset stomach / Nausea Loss of
Control, Loss of Mental Stability Stress
Cold or hot flashes Heart palpitations or
near heart attack Shallow breathing Shakes / Trembling
Anxiety disorder is characterized as having anxiety feelings that are "always there / all inclusive," make people want to isolate themselves from society and hamper everyday activities with others.

Panic Attacks:
On the other hand, a panic attack does not carry with it that "always there" association. In fact, panic episodes generally burst forth, peaking after roughly 10 minutes or so, then ending after about 25 minutes. During a panic attack, 4 of the symptoms listed below (in no particular order) generally make an appearance:
Hyperventilation, Shallow breathing, even to the point of
suffocation sensation...
Increased heart rates Tightness of chest, Chest pain or discomfort
Shakes / Trembling / Sweating Choking
sensation Upset Stomach / Nausea Vertigo
Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)
Surreal feelings Loss of Control, especially
of mental faculties Death coming on Numbing
Cold or hot flashes

The Difference:
The main difference between anxiety attacks and panic attacks is in the duration of the attack and how intense it is for the person with the affliction. While anxiety attacks are less hi-stress, they tend to last longer than the power-packed panic stressors".

If panic, learn an anti-panic breathing method before another attack, so you are proficient.

Advice from a clinical psychologist about panic attacks is to breathe in to the count of 3: ( count: one thousand one; one thousand two; one thousand three) each takes around a second to say to yourself, in your mind, and out to the count of 3. Keep repeating this until the panic subsides, (up to 25 minutes) which will deal with the hyperventilation aspect. Learn to recognise the thoughts which trigger attacks; challenge and reprogram as shown*.

Also learn, and employ either Progressive Muscle Relaxation ( http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html ) or acupressure tapping / EFT, whichever you find most effective.

Give the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via mercola.com or www.tapping.com (13 free videos), or www.eftuniverse.com or www.emofree.com or one of the many YouTube videos. Google: "YouTube; EFT videos".
Professionally instructed is generally preferable (Google: therapists; EFT; [your location] ). - There is a version for use in public places at http://eft.mercola.com (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage / tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I suffer from anxiety / panic attacks, I deeply and completely accept myself)."

* REPROGRAMMING:
Use the Technique for Reprogramming Negative Thoughts: It's important to regularly monitor, and deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, images, impulses, or emotions, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately. Technique For Re-Programming Negative Thoughts: When you notice something negative, such as: "I can't do this/ am never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so useless/such a loser?" or even an image, emotion, or a memory; recognise that it is being generated from the negative part of your mind.

After identifying and labelling it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version.

Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Try replacing a negative thought with a positive affirmation of your choice, like: "I am a unique individual, with my own set of skills, and good points", or "I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can, right now".

I'm aware of the opinion that inflicting pain doesn't prevent fear, but the intention is to reprogram, and establish a different way of thinking, by commitment to repetition. It usually takes around 25 to 40 repetitions to establish a new habit.

"Even if we have some vague idea that we are not our feelings or our thoughts, when we are experiencing painful feelings or painful thoughts, we believe we have to feel them or think them just because of the fact that they are occurring to us. But painful feelings can be indirectly controlled by physical action, and changing our present thoughts for different thoughts (since feeling occurs as a result of thinking.) Painful thoughts can be directly controlled by choosing replacement thoughts for the ones that are troubling us. Sure, it takes some practice to change a habit. But it can be done. Of course it can't be done if we choose to believe that it can't be done. But, since the choice is ours, why not choose to believe it can be done, and do it?"

Read: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, & Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman, & "Feeling Good." The New Mood Therapy. Harper Collins.1999. ( updated sequel to his US bestseller about treating depression & anxiety; very comprehensive), by David D. Burns, M.D. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind; view http://myfavoriteinterests.com/hypnosis/ about what it is, and isn't. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has one about stopping negative thoughts.

Check out http://www.wikihow.com/wikiHowTo?search=stop+negative+thoughts such as: "How to Get Rid of Negative Thoughts: 9 Steps", & "How to Use Switchwords to Clear Negative Thoughts: 5 Steps".

"I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside" - Dr. Wayne Dyer*.

[Nowuccas]

WORRYING

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/mind/worrying-doesnt-solve-your-problems-it-is-the-problem/news-story/3d08078c2d45c669695d6b4821a8fab3

DO YOU worry too much? Do you find yourself worrying excessively about your health, your finances, your job security, what people think of you, or if you will be able to get to sleep?
Worrying excessively can lead to a host of physical and mental problems such as hypochondria, muscle tension, chronic indigestion, poor sleep, irrational fears, panic, self-consciousness, stage fright, compulsive behaviours, and perfectionism.
You may think that worrying will help you avoid bad things from happening, lessen the impact of bad things, or help you come up with solutions. But worrying is actually the problem, not the solution.
The following strategies have been found to help worriers break the cycle and eliminate unhelpful thoughts.
1. SET ASIDE A WORRY PERIOD
Rather than be held hostage to disruptive worrying thoughts throughout the day give yourself permission to postpone worrying until later.
During the day (or night) jot down any worries or anxious thoughts that arise and then at a prearranged time, preferably when you’re in a good mood as this will promote realistic and creative problem-solving thinking, sit down for 15 minutes and address each worry.
By the time you return to thinking about the worry you’ll probably discover that it’s not such a problem after all.
Setting aside a worry period allows you to think things through clearly.
Setting aside a worry period allows you to think things through clearly.Source:istock
2. DETERMINE IF THE WORRY IS SOLVABLE

A solvable worry is one that you can take action on right away. For example, you may be worried about the content of a presentation you have to give next week to a manager. However, by phoning the manager you can take immediate action to clarify the details of the presentation.
An unsolvable worry is one over which you have no control and there is nothing you can do now that will lead to a solution. For example, thinking “What if I don’t get to sleep?” or “What if I get cancer?”
To help distinguish whether your worry is solvable or unsolvable ask the following questions:
• Is the problem my problem? If not, don’t worry about it.
• Do I have control over the problem? If not, don’t worry about it.
• Does the problem need solving now? If it does, take action to solve it. If not, don’t worry about it.
3. IF THE WORRY IS SOLVABLE, WORK ON A SOLUTION
Once you determine that a worry is solvable brainstorm as many possible solutions you can think of. Make sure you stay focused on the things you can change and not on circumstances or other people which you can’t change.
Aim at finding a realistic and achievable solution and avoid looking for a perfect solution. After you have evaluated all of your options choose the most reasonable one and then make a plan of action.
4. IF THE WORRY IS UNSOLVABLE, MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS
Sometimes you can’t solve a problem because either it’s not your problem (you are worried about your daughter’s failing marriage), it’s uncontrollable (you are worried whether it will rain during the picnic), or it can’t be resolved right away (you are worried about your factory closing in two years’ time).
When this happens focus on managing your own emotions using the following techniques:
• Mindfulness: Because worrying is usually focused on what might happen in the future mindfulness keeps your attention in the present and thus worry-free.
• Social support: Talking to friends about your worry can help as long as you don’t get stuck in shuffle mode where you replay over and over again your problem.
• Exercise: This is one of the best ways I know of for burning off pent-up anxious feelings and for gaining perspective about a worry.
• Relax: Because worriers tend to be in a constant state of tension, it is important that you regularly try to relax using music, meditation, time outdoors, or leisure activities.
5. EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY TO REDUCE WORRYING
Chronic worriers have trouble tolerating uncertainty or unpredictability. “What will I do if I don’t get the promotion?” or “What if my blind date doesn’t like me?” However, thinking about all the things that could go wrong in your life won’t keep bad things or unexpected events from occurring.
The solution is to accept that uncertainty is a part of life and then choose to focus on the parts that you can control and put all of your energies into making the most of them and appreciating them.
6. CHALLENGE WORRYING THOUGHTS
Chronic worriers tend to have two types of thoughts. First, they over-estimate the possibility that bad things will happen, and second, they underestimate their own ability at handling these things. These thoughts aren’t based on reality or fact and are totally irrational.
You can break these bad thinking habits and develop a more balanced and healthier perspective of your worries by asking the following questions:
• What is the evidence that the worrying thought is true?
• What is the probability that my worry will actually happen?
• When have I successfully handled problems like this before?
• Am I focusing on solutions to my worries?
• Is the way I am thinking helping me or making me feel better?
• What encouraging words would I say to a friend who had this worry?

[Nowuccas]

COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS:

( The book: "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D., who was a student of Dr. Aaron Beck's, one of the two co-founders of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, explains the following in more detail: his earlier version, "Feeling Good", was a bestseller, with 5 million copies in print. The following is from About.com):

Here are the 10 most common (and officially recognized) cognitive distortions, with examples of how they relate to stress. You might find yourself smiling as you recognize one or two as familiar "friends." If, in the coming days, you look for them and gently correct them, you’ll be well on your way to reducing your reactivity to the stress in your life.


All-or-Nothing Thinking
This type of distortion is the culprit when people think in extremes, with no gray areas or middle ground. All-or-nothing thinkers often use words like "always" and "never" when describing things. “I always get stuck in traffic!” “My bosses never listen to me!” This type of thinking can magnify the stressors in your life, making them seem like bigger problems than they may, in reality, be.


Overgeneralization
Those prone to overgeneralization tend to take isolated events and assume that all future events will be the same. For example, an overgeneralizer who faces a rude sales clerk may start believing that all sales clerks are rude and that shopping will always be a stressful experience.


Mental Filter
Those who use mental filtering as their distortion of choice tend to gloss over positive events and hold a magnifying glass to the negative. Ten things can go right, but a person operating under the influence of a mental filter may only notice the one thing that goes wrong. (Add a little overgeneralization and all-or-nothing thinking to the equation, and you have a recipe for stress.)


Disqualifying the Positive
Similar to mental filtering, those who disqualify the positive tend to treat positive events like flukes, thereby clinging to a more negative world view and set of low expectations for the future. Have you ever tried to help a friend solve a problem, only to have every solution you pose shot down with a "Yeah but..." response? You’ve witnessed this cognitive distortion firsthand. (My Note: "Yes, But" is one of several "games" listed in the book. "Games People Play", by Eric Berne, M.D. - some others are "Uproar", and "Rapo". He classifies human social interactions as generally being classifiable under Pastimes, [playing cards, Scrabble, etc.] Rituals, Intimacy, or Games)


Jumping to Conclusions
People do this one all the time. Rather than letting the evidence bring them to a logical conclusion, they set their sights on a conclusion (often negative), and then look for evidence to back it up, ignoring evidence to the contrary. The kid who decides that everyone in his new class will hate him, and ‘knows’ that they’re only acting nice to him in order to avoid punishment, is jumping to conclusions. Conclusion-jumpers can often fall prey to mind reading (where they believe that they know the true intentions of others without talking to them) and fortune telling (predicting how things will turn out in the future and believing these predictions to be true). Can you think of examples of adults you know who do this? I bet you can.

Cognitive distortions and negative thinking styles are common, and they keep us stressed-out and stuck. Page 1 of this feature covers 5 common negative thinking patterns and explains how they contribute to stress. Here are the other 5 negative thinking patterns that you need to look out for:


Magnification and Minimization
Similar to mental filtering and disqualifying the positive, this cognitive distortion involves placing a stronger emphasis on negative events and downplaying the positive ones. The customer service representative who only notices the complaints of customers and fails to notice positive interactions is a victim of magnification and minimization. Another form of this distortion is known as catastrophizing, where one imagines and then expects the worst possible scenario. It can lead to a lot of stress.


Emotional Reasoning
This one is a close relative of jumping to conclusions in that it involves ignoring certain facts when drawing conclusions. Emotional reasoners will consider their emotions about a situation as evidence rather than objectively looking at the facts. “I’m feeling completely overwhelmed, therefore my problems must be completely beyond my ability to solve them,” or, “I’m angry with you; therefore, you must be in the wrong here,” are both examples of faulty emotional reasoning. Acting on these beliefs as fact can, understandably, contribute to even more problems to solve.


Should Statements
Those who rely on ‘should statements’ tend to have rigid rules, set by themselves or others, that always need to be followed -- at least in their minds. They don’t see flexibility in different circumstances, and they put themselves under considerable stress trying to live up to these self-imposed expectations. If your internal dialogue involves a large number of ‘shoulds,’ you may be under the influence of this cognitive distortion.


Labeling and Mislabeling
Those who label or mislabel will habitually place labels that are often inaccurate or negative on themselves and others. “He’s a whiner.” “She’s a phony.” “I’m just a useless worrier.” These labels tend to define people and contribute to a one-dimensional view of them, paving the way for overgeneralizations to move in. Labeling cages people into roles that don’t always apply and prevents us from seeing people (ourselves included) as we really are. It’s also a big no-no in relationship conflicts.


Personalization
Those who personalize their stressors tend to blame themselves or others for things over which they have no control, creating stress where it need not be. Those prone to personalization tend to blame themselves for the actions of others, or blame others for their own feelings.
If any of these feel a little too familiar, that’s a good thing: recognizing a cognitive distortion is the first step of moving past it. See this article for tips on cognitive restructuring, the process of moving beyond cognitive distortions.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Dr. Burns addresses all of those cognitive distortions in detail, and provides various coping methods*, so you may want to get either book, from your local library, Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com

* Some are shown at http://stress.about.com/od/professionalhelp/a/distortions.htm