getting over my ex

[sazco]

I need help guys I've been missing my ex for about 10 months now and I'm doing everything I can to move on but it doesn't seem to go by fast enough. I have dreams about us breaking up at night and when I wake up I get real angry and upset about it. I stopped talking to her all together about a month ago but she's still in the back of my mind. What should I do?

[Mr Hall]

Hi Sazco
It must be difficult to stop thinking about someone you used to care about. It seems to me however that your thoughts about your ex might be obsessive. There are ways to overcome these thoughts.

The most important thing to remember is that learning how to stop thinking about your ex is a habit that you CAN break. It takes energy and dedication at first, but you can stop the obsessive thoughts about the person you broke up with. Another thing to remember is that you are NOT alone– other people have gotten over their obsessive thoughts of their ex’s, and so can you.

A popular technique for overcoming obsessive thinking is to wear a rubber band around your wrist. When those obsessive thoughts come up, snap the band and replace your obsessive thought of your ex with a different thought, which you planned in advance. Your replacement thought should be something that makes you feel good. Learning that you can control your thoughts is a good tip on how to stop thinking about your ex.

Another way to stop thinking about your ex is to schedule time to think about your ex. This may seem confusing, but bear with me. If you can’t bear the thought of not thinking about the relationship breakup, then set a specific time to let your obsessive thoughts about your ex run wild.
This could be 20 minutes at any point in the day if you want. Just remember that if your obsessive thoughts start happening at the wrong time just remind yourself that you have time scheduled in the day to obsess. During your obsession time, you must sit and do nothing but think about your ex. After a few days of this, you will find it boring to sit and do nothing but think about your ex.

Finally Instead of focusing on the fact that you’re obsessed with love, just allow these thoughts to happen. Don’t try to stop them. Instead, accept the thought and then replace it with a different one.

It will determination and self-control to control the direction your thoughts take. But at the end of the day, you do have control. You just need to find the willpower and the right technique for overcoming obsessive love.

I hope this helps.

[Kirk]

My first marriage ended in divorce back in 1983 after only 3 and half years of marriage. She was cheating on me.
I have now been married almost 30 years and I am 59. You will get over this, believe it or not. You will meet someone
new and make a new life for yourself. You will, take my word for it.

[sazco]

Since I've wrote this I've talk to her and found out that she'll never want to get back together for what reason I have no idea but her saying that and being straight forward with me made me think there is absolutely no point in feeling this way about her anymore and I am just torturing myself by doing so. It's so crazy how I had such a hard time before, but now things are looking up, and i will find someone better that better suits me and loves me as much as I love them someday. The obsessive part really puzzled me and I hope it doesn't happen again because I felt it was getting out of control, but for now the storm has passed. Thanks for the replies guys, I really appreciate it!

[Mr Hall]

I'm glad to hear you have conquered your obsessive thoughts. I have faith you will meet someone to share your life with.

"The world is your oyster!!!"

[Lerxst72]

Sazco - I'm glad you're feeling better. I can definitely relate to how you'd been feeling. My girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me last weekend. She was supposed to come up the week of the 4th of July and go to a wedding with me in Aug. All of a sudden, I'm dreading the rest of the Summer! And although, it wasn't a long relationship but we've known each other since H.S. (I'm 44) and we reconnected after more than 20 years and it became a whirlwind, albiet, long distance relationship. And this was on the heals of my divorce. I think my falling for her helped supress a lot of me having to deal with my feelings over the divorce and when my gf broke it off, it was suddenly like I was facing the emotions of my divorce AND a breakup on top of it. I have learned alot about myself and my dynamics when it comes to relationships. In fact, I started a chat room on this site called "anxious attachement". There are links in the chatroom to resources about learning about different attachement styles. It describes how I've always been.. to a "T". It was a revelation being able to read about what I go through with relationships and learn why it happens. It's gonna take a ton of work on my part, to change myself to get to a health attachment style, but I really want to change. I hate feeling the way I feel right now.

Best of luck on the continued healing. I would love to hear anyone's thoughts as talking about it helps me heal.

~ Lerxt

[sazco]

The world is my oyster?

And it does sound like you're now dealing with both. I don't understand why my obsessive thoughts were so strong I've never been like that before but now it seems like she never really mattered in the first place. My therapist tells me I have RAD and it seems like I do but it's just strange. I hope someone here can tell us ways to cope because if mine come back for any reason after the next breakup I'm in trouble too.

[overthinker1990]

Hey man ive been having very similar issues. Not sure if you read but if you do you have to read "no more mr. nice guy" from doctor glover as well as "models" from mark manson. I swear both of these books changed my life regarding anxiety your self worth and overall how to deal with women and how to simply get over them. Also join the " no more mr nicce guy" forum. A girl broke up with my 2 months ago and I was in the exact situation as you. Overthinking 24/7. I run a business and it slowly started going down the drain. Its worth a try

[sazco]

I'll take a look, can't hurt me any right?