Family triggers

[pillgirl82]

Right now my mind is like a video on fast forward.
Can't stop grinding my teeth and want to smash something.

Spent the afternoon with my mother and sister, my sister has a cute new baby. I like this baby. It is super cute.
I don't like my mother. She is horrible.
She doesn't understand mental illness and says incredibly insensitive things to me - also, good luck getting through a sentence without her interrupting you. Whenever I spend any time with her, it takes me days to recover!! I am sitting her stewing and obsessing over everything she said.... coming up with sharp comebacks now that it's too late.

This inevitably spirals into thoughts about how much student debt I am in; how much I hate being in school.... and then how fucked up the world is in general. It's this spiral that lands me in the mental wing of the hospital on occasion....
I know I'm not saying anything new or unique here. Just need to vent. I just don't know what to do with myself.
I'll probably end up drinking some wine which will ultimately make it worse.
What do you do suggest for these situations? Any words would be so very appreciated.

[MainerMikeBrown]

Pillgirl, what steps are there that you can take so you don't have to listen to your mother's ignorant comments? Could you stay away from your mother for a while?

[gypsylee]

Hi Pillgirl,

I can relate to this so much. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder I think, and can say the most horrible things. The amount of shame and guilt that woman has put on me is unbelievable. She's in her 70s now and I'm in my 40s, so I don't think it's worth cutting her off at this point, but I would have if I'd realised how toxic she was years ago. I also know that spiral so well. I've never ended up in hospital but I've been so anxiety ridden I've come close. So thank you for posting this.. It's always good to know there are others out there with similar problems.

Also, I'm quite anxious right now because my father is coming tomorrow. He isn't half as nasty as my mother can be, but I still have to put on this act around him, which I absolutely dread. Ugh.

[Kirk]

My mother was passive/aggressive and was never wrong. I believed she was depressed and was unhappy with her life.
She verbally and physically abused me a bit when I was a kid, which was a long time ago as I am 59 now.
She passed away in September 2012 and I have forgiven her a while ago.

[Anne1221]

Well, if you can make a choice of drinking wine or going to the gym, or any type of exercise class, do something positive that will make you feel good about yourself.