FreeWillWorry300
06-12-2016, 03:44 AM
Hi all, long-time anxiety sufferer here, I think I could really use some help right now.
So as a background; I've suffered from repetitive, chronic anxiety my entire life. I don't know if it's GAD or OCD, and I cannot be diagnosed since 1)my family doesn't take mental illness seriously 2)I live in a heavily religious country and am agnostic. This is also why I'm so terrified from getting depression, I really try to hold on to happiness when I can but it's difficult because of my constant. unending. thoughts. It's always some random topic, typically based on challenging my worldview; from religion to philosophy. Now I've read up on Determinism as a lead on from previous worries I've had about whether or not life is worth living and if I should have been born, and now I've got some brand new anxiety about free will!
Part of me is like, I don't really care, I suppose? I've always imagined my choices were made as a result of past experiences and who I was was shaped by my parents/environment, but reading the free will debate further has been so confusing and anxiety-causing; am I trapped by life? Who am "I", really? Can I look at other people as people, and not just "robots"? Is life cheapened by the understanding that I don't have free will?
It feels like these thoughts are forced, I don't want to have them, but they keep coming, and coming.
I'm desperate, absolutely desperate to talk to someone who has experienced anything similar to this. I have no one to turn to IRL, and I basically live on the internet. If I find myself slipping into depression because of these pointless existential thoughts, I might never make it out....
(I just noticed the typo in the title :eek: )
So as a background; I've suffered from repetitive, chronic anxiety my entire life. I don't know if it's GAD or OCD, and I cannot be diagnosed since 1)my family doesn't take mental illness seriously 2)I live in a heavily religious country and am agnostic. This is also why I'm so terrified from getting depression, I really try to hold on to happiness when I can but it's difficult because of my constant. unending. thoughts. It's always some random topic, typically based on challenging my worldview; from religion to philosophy. Now I've read up on Determinism as a lead on from previous worries I've had about whether or not life is worth living and if I should have been born, and now I've got some brand new anxiety about free will!
Part of me is like, I don't really care, I suppose? I've always imagined my choices were made as a result of past experiences and who I was was shaped by my parents/environment, but reading the free will debate further has been so confusing and anxiety-causing; am I trapped by life? Who am "I", really? Can I look at other people as people, and not just "robots"? Is life cheapened by the understanding that I don't have free will?
It feels like these thoughts are forced, I don't want to have them, but they keep coming, and coming.
I'm desperate, absolutely desperate to talk to someone who has experienced anything similar to this. I have no one to turn to IRL, and I basically live on the internet. If I find myself slipping into depression because of these pointless existential thoughts, I might never make it out....
(I just noticed the typo in the title :eek: )