Rock Bottom? -- Advice Needed

[cori_p]

It's been five years since my best friend Chris, my boyfriend Ian and my entire crew of friends decided to stop being friends with me. When asked, no one would tell me why they decided to leave but they did anyway. I had left for grad school that month and turned to alcohol to get me through. I drank, and drank and drank until I howled out Hootie and the Blowfish at three in the morning. I drank until I found happiness again, and then it was sunrise and my head throbbed, each night on repeat. Since then, I stopped drinking so much but my lack of trust in people and my social anxiety have taken over. It's been five years since then and I still have zero friends. I'm socially awkward, and can't help but feel like I need to build up walls to protect myself from others. I've tried, believe me I have, to stop this nonsense. I've tried to be mindful of the fact that just because those jerks did that to me that the rest of the world isn't like that. I've tried to ask others out to join me in catching a show I want to see. I've tried to talk to others about themselves, because lets be honest, most people are interested in themselves. I've tried to make friends but each time somehow seem to fail. I'm almost 28 years old and I have no friends, no interests and no life. I've tried medication and it always made it worse, according to my family. I've been in therapy for god knows how long and each meeting was filled with advice like, "go get a dog for animal therapy", "push yourself to get out there". I feel like such a disappointment. My family keeps telling me, "you need to be more sociable", "you need to try", "i know it's uncomfortable but surely you're being too hard on people". So I ask you this, as I sit here depressed, just getting over a massive panic attack, how the hell do you learn to trust people again after five years of being in a sealed tight bubble?

[Dahila]

yes it is sad what happened to you, but........I am the last person to advice on it. I was doing the same thing as you in my younger years. I do believe a lot of anxiety I caused with my risky life style. Now I am old and I think I have a social phobia. I make friends, I mean people want to be my friends, but I have problem with it. I can not to trust anyone, only to certain extent. I think best friends are here, you talk to them when you chose to;), and books, movies, hobbies. I can not complain on lack of hobbies........... never bored.
Being 28 and not having friends to go out or to have a nice time together doing nothing is sad. I think you were so hurt by the situation, that you fear any social events or contacts. I do to but I am like a tank, pretending I am brave and it works each time, people are warm toward me , then I relax. Maybe you should try the shot?
Welcome to the forum

[cori_p]

Thank you for your reply, Dahlia!

[Kirk]

Join a club, a group, a religious institution, a bowling league, etc. Try something until something works and it will, but never give up.

[Kirk]

Years ago when I was a young man, my fist wife cheated on me after we were married only 3 and a half years. She was screwing someone every night of the
week and I was devastated. I cried and was depressed for a while. I overcame this and so can you overcome your issue, if I can. Just say if Kirk can do it.
so can I.

[Anne1221]

I echo what Kirk said. The more groups you join in, the better your chances are of meeting new people. Maybe a new/better therapist. But I like the dog idea and maybe volunteering at an animal shelter to meet people. Religious institutions are good because you can volunteer and instantly have a group of people to hang around with. (and they won't abandon you). Most people are good and do not abandon friends and I guess you know if they all left you, they weren't the kind of friends you want in the first place. Join, join, join places and meet some new (and good) people in your life.

[Dahila]

Being anti religion , I think maybe you do not need more of brainwash, but you must have a passion. Everyone does. Joint the watercolor classes, maybe gym, it would bust up your self confidence. Animal shelter is a splendid idea.
Volunteer in YMCA it is a place full of young energetic and friendly people. Book reading group.

[encourager101]

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I agree with that others have said--just keep trying new things! You never know what might be fun (I am the most boring, non-adventurous person ever, but I went skydiving for my 21st birthday and LOVED it! My mom was freaked out and VERY ANGRY with me for going, but once I told her how much I loved it, she was encouraging of me going again!).

Hang in there, the world is full of wonderful things to do and experience; keep trying them, I have confidence you will find something wonderful, and a new group of true friends to do it with!