Dr Feelgood
05-25-2016, 11:51 AM
I love my Family dearly, so I could never take my own life .
It belongs to them and is not mine for the taking and and I would not cause them so much pain and loss .
Even though I don't want to end my life ,I feel like the place I'm in now within my deppression ,it would push many people over the edge , and has of course taken many poor souls from their loved ones .
The random visions I have sometimes are glimpses of the past ,and some are just bizarre and meaningless .l
I have developed a fear of eating ang struggle to have a decent meal each day ,I'm forcing what I eat and fear the sight of food or even hearing people talk about it ,the weight loss is worrying and I'm frightened by it .
I'm upsetting my family and the burden of guilt is hard to carry ,no matter how hard I try I cannot get over this period of terrible darkness .
The cold harsh grip of this silent ,invisible illness has a tight hold on me and I struggle to breath in this choking dark place.
I try to watch tv or read but I cannot concentrate ,I have lost all interest in my life and spend a lot of the time laying down and in turn I'm wasting my days away .
I do say at times I wish I was dead but this is the pain and torment talking ,I pray all the time not for help but for guidance ,I don't know if there is a god but I do believe in the force of life itself .
After all we are all driven by the electrical impulses sent from our brains to our bodies,a force so powerful it can create and end life ,my will to survive is great but the pain is also great ,the constant battle between them is tiring but sleep does not come easy ,and the brain goes on and on ,and the depression tells me lies and upsets me ,it is a terrible thing we have to live with as anyone who reads this will understand , there are no days or nights in my life just one continued barrage of torment and confusion .
My wife thinks my mind will be that overcome that I will take my own life ,but I promise her this will never happen .
For as blind to all I have good in life this thing makes me ,I will continue to battle on and maybe one day I will hold my wonderful life in my hands again .
So hear this ,read it this is the chaos in my mind .
Hear my prayers whatever wherever you are and show me the way and I will do the rest .
It belongs to them and is not mine for the taking and and I would not cause them so much pain and loss .
Even though I don't want to end my life ,I feel like the place I'm in now within my deppression ,it would push many people over the edge , and has of course taken many poor souls from their loved ones .
The random visions I have sometimes are glimpses of the past ,and some are just bizarre and meaningless .l
I have developed a fear of eating ang struggle to have a decent meal each day ,I'm forcing what I eat and fear the sight of food or even hearing people talk about it ,the weight loss is worrying and I'm frightened by it .
I'm upsetting my family and the burden of guilt is hard to carry ,no matter how hard I try I cannot get over this period of terrible darkness .
The cold harsh grip of this silent ,invisible illness has a tight hold on me and I struggle to breath in this choking dark place.
I try to watch tv or read but I cannot concentrate ,I have lost all interest in my life and spend a lot of the time laying down and in turn I'm wasting my days away .
I do say at times I wish I was dead but this is the pain and torment talking ,I pray all the time not for help but for guidance ,I don't know if there is a god but I do believe in the force of life itself .
After all we are all driven by the electrical impulses sent from our brains to our bodies,a force so powerful it can create and end life ,my will to survive is great but the pain is also great ,the constant battle between them is tiring but sleep does not come easy ,and the brain goes on and on ,and the depression tells me lies and upsets me ,it is a terrible thing we have to live with as anyone who reads this will understand , there are no days or nights in my life just one continued barrage of torment and confusion .
My wife thinks my mind will be that overcome that I will take my own life ,but I promise her this will never happen .
For as blind to all I have good in life this thing makes me ,I will continue to battle on and maybe one day I will hold my wonderful life in my hands again .
So hear this ,read it this is the chaos in my mind .
Hear my prayers whatever wherever you are and show me the way and I will do the rest .