Lost all feelings of love, anxiety is killing me

[unluckynoob]

It's a long story but I'll try to explain in a nutshell. I am 19, I am a girl and I'm in my first year of college. I used to be a very happy person, always energetic, social, smiling, etc. But one day, I suddenly woke up with no happiness left, anxiety and constant worry. It all started when I lost my feelings for my best friend (who is a guy), who I used to love very much, even though he's an internet friend (we met in real life like 3 times). Actually, he was the first person I ever loved with all my heart. I don't even know, perhaps I was in love with him, or maybe not, but we used to be REALLY, REALLY close. We would always talk sweet things, tease each other, and he always told me how much he loves me, that I am like a sister to him and he would smile and get all fuzzy and warm when talking to me. We used to spend several hours a day talking on the phone, playing online games or texting each other. I have to admit, I was always thinking about him when we were not spending our time together, I would be restless until he texted me and I was always going to sleep with him in my mind. Same for him. We were basically dedicated to each other. We never had a romantic relationship, but we consider each other "brother-sister", even though we both realise we have really strong feelings. But this isn't an issue, I never wanted a romantic relationship with him, our close friendship was wonderful and I did not expect more than that. However, about a month ago I woke up suddenly with no feelings or interest for him. I have NO IDEA how it happened and why it happened. I just...went to sleep thinking about him, smiling, and the second day when I woke up, I was totally numb. His morning texts didn't give me that "warm" feeling and I did not smile anymore when thinking about him. For him nothing changed, he was the same and he loved me with the same intensity as before. But for me the feeling just...wasn't there anymore. And I started to feel guilty as hell because he was so sweet and caring and I just couldn't love him anymore. All the guilt and panic caused me a lot of stress. No day would pass without thinking about my loss of feelings and thinking about how to get them back, or how to explain to him what happened without hurting him. All that constant stress made things even worse. I started having panic attacks whenever he was texting me and I started to avoid him, thinking that it would make the situation better. Sadly, he felt ignored (and I totally understand him), and he was extremely hurt by my actions. One day he wrote me that we can't continue anymore, he is very hurt and he does not recognise me anymore, we can be simple friends but we can't be best friends, or "brother-sister" anymore. I told him we should take a break and see how things change in time. We took a break, and during that time, I could not stop crying, I had severe anxiety, panic attacks, I threw up several times, I couldn't sleep and I was tense all the time. I started to realise how much he means to me and I was always hoping he would come back to me telling me that we could be best friends again. It took him two days, after those two days he called me telling me how much he loves me, apologizing for what he's said and telling me that he will never leave me no matter what. I started to feel warm again, I started to recognise my feelings for him and I felt extremely happy because I was talking to him and things were finally fine. I went to sleep thinking about him, like in the good old days, thinking about how good it would feel to have him in my arms. I was finally happy. Then the second day, the terror strikes again: the emotional numbness returned. I could not feel that intimacy anymore when talking to him. No happiness, no desire to talk to him, no emotion. And now, thinking that this thing has been going on for one month already, I really lost all my hope and my anxiety has gotten worse. I can't stop being tense, my head hurts all the time, I have blurry vision and my right arm hurts SO BAD. I just want to bring those feelings of love back, I know that would be the solution to my issue, but I don't know how. Why is this happening to me and what can I do? :( It's driving me insane, and I cannot bear the anxiety anymore.

[Boo Bass]

Hi there

Delression and anxiety can hit anyone out of the blue for no reason whatsoever. In fact it might not have anything to do with him at all, you are just searching for a cause. Seems odd you never got it tovether romantically but I'm not you.

Blurred vision and aching arms areamxiety symptoms.

You need to go to the doctor and your student counsellor.

Good luck

BN

[Shineshelly]

Hey there, sorry you are experiencing anxiety surrounding someone who has been close to you. The euphoric feeling of first love is a wonderful experience, so in many ways its can be disappointing to feel your 'happily ever after' wearing off. It sounds like you are at that point where you are questioning whether you invested your time and energy into the right person. Everyone eventually comes down off the romantic high of love. The euphoric feelings dissipate, and couples are faced with reality as their differences emerge. This doesn't mean you'll lose all emotional feelings for each other, but you'll need to work toward a deeper sense of emotional love in your relationship.

It comes down to love being a choice and not simply an emotion. We can love a person we don't even like! I believe there is hope even when you find yourself on this spectrum of excitement and disappointment. If you think there is a potential for marriage down the road with this person, or even just a continued close connection, I would encourage you to consider counseling to safeguard your commitment to one another. Good luck to you! Prayers.

[verDominai]

Sounds a bit strange that you had such a dramatic change overnight. Are you sure everything was back to normal again? Maybe you were just momentarily relieved that things didn't feel as awkward between you two anymore? Anyway, it sounds like you need some space. You can still be friends while also not messaging each other every waking moment, right? I used to have a person I constantly traded messages with ALL THE TIME throughout the day (and night) and I got burnt out pretty fast.

[Anne1221]

I would highly recommend counseling to you. This is something you need to talk through with a professional and get some help.
Clearly you're discovering you have anxiety issues, like so many of us. Whereas other people can handle things ok, those of us with anxiety react by being very anxious and it affects us. One thing that sticks out to me that may be a cause is that there are usually two types of relationships: one being a love relationship and the other being pure friendship. Your relationship with this guy was a mixture of both. At times you talk about him like a boyfriend and other times he's just like a brother. The lines are clearly blurred. I hope you can get a counselor to help sort this out and also get some help with your anxiety.