mindleech
05-17-2016, 05:00 PM
Hello. I just registered here and want to share my story with you guys, to give you a hope and simply to meet someone who struggle with the same issues and feel like the feel of being worthless and doomed. First off, from my observations, I am a very sensitive person which I have accepted, because I feel like it is important to accept yourself and everyone has their flaws. I was working a very stressful job during summer as a waiter, that is the time when I noticed that something is not right with me. I had some hard periods before and emotional breakdowns. I started having tremors and tics, my head would tremble or shake almost constantly when I was surrounded by people. I wasn't able to drink from a cup if someone was watching me, my head would shake, my hands would tremble and I would be shaky in general. So my summer job turned out to be a nightmare after which I couldn't feel normal anymore. I became obsessed with my symptoms and I was googling 24/7. I couldn't feel normal and I was constantly nervous, even when I was alone, although it became less severe when I was able to calm myself. I was sure that I have a neurological condition even though neurologist said that it is just because of stress. I believe what I experience was that my body was in a constant "hypersensitive" state and it was harder to remain calm and I was having the shakes even when I was alone. I quickly dropped the AD's that my neuro prescribed me because of the feeling that they don't help. Afterwards I went to a psychiatrist, while I was aware that I have anxiety and depression problems, I was sure that tremors were causing it all. I was constantly checking my hands from different angles, during different times and so on. I was obsessed and couldn't do anything about it. Psychiatrist prescribed me coaxil (tianeptine) and venlaxor (effexor). After 3 weeks when my mood swings, anxiety and depression remained unaffected I was getting even more depressed. Through some interesting observations I was able to slowly calm my self and in the 4th week after using my meds, I am feeling better than I would ever be able to feel If I wouldn't seek any help. I noticed that some people who have seen my nervousness tended to become more self-conscious during interaction with them. And then it hit me - I don't care. I felt a bit of a relief, that I'm not the only one who can feel nervous or have these psychosomatic tremors, I just made it worse myself, by paying more and more attention to it. I concluded that if I don't really care whether someone is nervous or trembling and I don't judge, because I realized that everyone faces difficulties and gets nervous in their daily lives, the important thing is - observe your emotions and don't pay attention to what others might think of you, because people are egocentric and they have their own problems and even if they do it will only be a few seconds, really. I know that it is easier to be said than done and I probably wouldn't be able to feel better without the medication, but these things are in my opinion always important to keep in mind. Also, have a goals, even if they are small. And it is important - achieving even the smallest of your goals benefits you, since it is related to dopamine release in your brain which makes you feel more uplifted. I felt the need to post this here, because I have been through embarrassment and I have felt worthless and it is indeed a sickness which can harm you physically and limit yourself greatly. Spend less time reading about anxiety and your symptoms, you aren't a doctor and you shouldn't self-diagnose yourself. I regret that I didn't seek help earlier since it badly affected my last year of high school, so I hope some of you find my experience and advices useful, thanks for reading.