Fear of Myself

[Steve18]

Hi everyone,


Id like to start of saying that im 24 years old - male. I was diagnosed with G.A.D 6 years ago and having problems since.

I dont take any medication currently but i have in the past. I dont self medicate or drink.

Lately, i have been experiencing a difficult period in my life. There are so many stressors that accompany adulthood.
Jobs, bills, girlfriend/wife, money.

I currently havent been employed for a while and unfortunately the wife has had to hold my weight for that time. I wish nothing more than to buckle up and find a job which is hard because of the economy but also because of my anxiety/mind.

I have the usual feelings of avoidance due to fear and such, but it feels like something more...something i fear more than the world external to me. I get overall feelings of blah and mopiness and confusion and depression. I also experience the fear and the possible situations i would encounter and i also fear the fact of something happening even though i know nothing will happen when i can get back into the workforce. I feel guilty and lost due to how my mind is working this.

Ive spent plenty of time pondering how to remedy this and i have come up with nothing.
Its almost like my mind and anxiety are hand in hand. I just feel absolutely insane so i just retreat into my safety zone.

Im scared of myself, being caught in your own mind is horrific. Im sure alot of you can relate.


If anyone is experiencing this, please come forward and share something with me.



Please.

[KeepYourCalm]

Hi Steve18,

Thanks for sharing your story! :)

First off, let me quote one of my close friends: "Keep your head up. Anyone that is not anxious, in this crazy world, is the one not paying attention."

But yeah, I have a similar sotry that I can share.

I'm 29 years old, male, married. In the past there was a period of time when I was freelancing and it was only my wife that had a "proper" job. I remember that I felt ashamed that I wasn't earning nearly enough at the start and my wife was basically carrying my weight, just like you said. And not only that, but her parents were watching me like a hawk and waiting for me to stop this "nonsense." They didn't explicitely tell me what was on their minds, but I could tell that they really didn't like what I was doing.

I had always been a socially awkward person who didn't hang out with a lot of people. And thanks to this online freelancing opportunity, I started staying at home all day working. Which for my wife's parents seemed like I had become a real shut-in and they kept telling me to leave the house more often and start going to places... for them it seemed that my life was going downhill and there was no stopping it.

Now in retrospect this made me a lot more stressed out about the whole situation that I would have been otherwise. The fact that apart from my wife literally nobody in the family supported me was a huge burden for me. I felt ashamed and depressed all the time - much more so than I would have been if I had people to talk to and support me.

One thing I remember I did that really helped me back then was running. I remember that we bought a treadmill and it was like the best thing that happened to me then. I would run 40 minutes every single day for several months - which was a bad idea as far as training intensity goes - but it worked. What I did was, whenever I felt frustrated and confused and out of control, I would step on the treadmill, set it up, plug in my earphones and put on some self-help course or anything that I found motivational and valuable and knock myself out.

This became my kind of ritual and it helped immensely. I channeled much of the negative energies of frustration, fear and defensiveness into a healthy activity that made me feel powerful, in control and proud. And the audio courses really distracted me and gave my mind some positive thoughts to chew on instead of the incessant self-criticism and self-doubt that I was thinking.

Ironically, it was something that my wife's parents also commented on and approved of so it helped with that, too.

But ultimately by creating a time and space every day where I would do something that's beneficial to me both physically and mentally at the same time really helped.

Anyway, thank you for sharing once again. You sound like a great person! Hang in there. It will be over soon!! :)

[Anne1221]

Great Post by "Keep your calm". If you don't like running on a treadmill, find something that you can focus on and feel good about. In time you'll feel better.

[Kirk]

I agree with the previous two posts, which hit the nail on the head.