Feeling mentally numb.

[Murakawa]

Ok, some of this might not make any sense so I apologise in advance. I guess I'm after advice or really just someone to assure me that I'm not alone!

I'm 25 and this has been possibly the worst year of my life. I'm sure I've posted about my anxiety/depression before so I won't go into too much detail. To cut a long story short, I was put on meds for my problem. Cipramil - 20mg, which has now upped to 40mg a day. For the first couple of weeks taking it, I was anxious beyond belief. Then it died down and I thought things were improving.

Now I just feel dead. I'm mentally exhausted. I can't think properly. I'm a musician yet I can't be bothered to play. I've cancelled gigs because I don't have the energy. i've cancelled on friends because I can't be bothered to go outside. I feel alone, and afraid; more so than I did when I wasn't taking medicine.

I just can't see how something that is meant to help me is making me feel worse. I've been taking these for over a month now. Surely they would've kicked in...? Should I stop taking them or should I wait a bit longer? I guess I'm feeling a bit desperate and frustrated. I was holding out on meds because I thought they would be the easy option. I always saw them as a last resort. I've tried everything else. Talking to people, improving my diet, meditation, reading god knows how many self-help books. What else can I do? :(

[Carla]

Hello! :)
Your post does make sense! and you are definitely not alone! I am really sorry you are feeling as you are. It sounds like this medication is not suiting you and maybe the dosage is too high for you which can affect the way it makes you feel. It can have the opposite effect almost .I have heard and read abou this lots of times before. Whilst some medications work for some, they dont for others. I would go and visit your doctor and explain how you feel. I know that medications can take a while for the full effects to be felt, but I wld have thought that by now you would have been feeling the positive benefits and not purely negative feelings and like you said, you should be feeling a bit better not worse! I dont take prescribed medication and use natural supplements but I realise that for some people they have no effect. I know that if my anxiety got much worse then I wld take prescribed medication. There are lots of different medications out there and it may be just a case of finding out which one is suited to you. Hoping you have a better day today. Hugs