Halli
05-10-2016, 01:44 AM
Hi all,
New here, though as a long term sufferer of anxiety I have stumbled upon this place many times.
Basically I've noticed a pattern that has gotten worse and more extreme over the last few years. When things are going really well I will deliberately sabotage it to make my anxieties worse. The latest one has been the worst and I have attempted suicide a few times since. I feel like I did something that is so detached from who i am and expected a backlash when I did it. It's as if I wanted to punish myself and push people away. The thing is what I think I did was an anxiety in itself . Its almost like a bomb went off in my head and I was determined to ruin everything. I have since gone back on medication, spoken to my psychiatrist, boyfriend, friends and family and they have all been so amazing, but I can't get past it. Things were better than ever at the time, it was a real turning point in my life and now I am at my lowest.
I am just wondering if others have felt this way? I know self sabotage is common, but making horrible anxieties a reality in the process with the intention of isolating yourself?
New here, though as a long term sufferer of anxiety I have stumbled upon this place many times.
Basically I've noticed a pattern that has gotten worse and more extreme over the last few years. When things are going really well I will deliberately sabotage it to make my anxieties worse. The latest one has been the worst and I have attempted suicide a few times since. I feel like I did something that is so detached from who i am and expected a backlash when I did it. It's as if I wanted to punish myself and push people away. The thing is what I think I did was an anxiety in itself . Its almost like a bomb went off in my head and I was determined to ruin everything. I have since gone back on medication, spoken to my psychiatrist, boyfriend, friends and family and they have all been so amazing, but I can't get past it. Things were better than ever at the time, it was a real turning point in my life and now I am at my lowest.
I am just wondering if others have felt this way? I know self sabotage is common, but making horrible anxieties a reality in the process with the intention of isolating yourself?