Loneliness

[Vicky_220]

Hi everyone,

I'm just wondering if anyone else is really struggling with feeling lonely? I broke up with my long term partner over Christmas and moved into a flat by myself, I do have a couple of friends dotted around the country but we don't talk much and I don't really feel close to my family. I'm having problems at work too and the only close friend I thought I had near by seems to have cut me off and that has been really difficult to deal with over the past couple of months. Unfortunately I still have to work closely with that friend so although I see people there, I'm feeling really isolated at work too.

I'm trying really hard to stay positive and concentrate on myself and look for things to do but I can't help feeling completely alone. I suffer with anxiety and depression and in some ways I thought these had both improved a little bit recently but I can feel myself slipping back into the downwards spiral now. I've been trying to join classes to meet new people but everyone already seems to be in groups or have someone there and it's just making me feel worse about myself.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get past this and move on?

Thank you x

[TreeStar]

Yeah, I have experienced that. I'm trying to put myself out there a little more though.
Going to classes is really intimidating, you are very brave to do that. Especially going to them alone. I have been wanting to go to Yoga, but too scared. I am gearing myself up to go to Tai Chi on Monday night (been trying to go to that for the last few months).
Maybe going to a class where you need to contribute would be good. Do you like poetry, or reading? Maybe you could join a discussion group?
I go to a writing class that I have found is really helpful. Keep trying, you are doing the right thing my putting yourself out there.

[ovian]

Yeah I know this feeling well . Im surrounded by people all the time ,both in work and at home , but often feel so alone , Im not sure why that is , and I enjoy my own company but sometimes we just need to feel someone understands what we are going through right ??? And I don't feel that , I have tried explaining anxiety to people but they just don't get it and think you have the ability to just switch it off .

[Vicky_220]

Thank you both, in a way it's good to know that other people feel the same and I'm not going crazy but I'm sorry you feel like that too! I think this is the worst part about anxiety/depression, I can cope with the physical symptoms and side effects but I hate feeling like I'm alone and I don't quite fit in. I know people mean well but unless you have this, I don't think people do fully understand what's going on and how it feels and sometimes it's hard to act happy and 'normal' just to fit in with everyone else.

Treestar - Did you manage to make it to Tai Chi? I agree classes are intimidating alone, especially when it involves being in groups or pairs (I try to avoid those) but I know exercise is a good way to meet people and feel a bit better about myself. I haven't been to a class but I use yoga videos at home and I find them really relaxing. I just look for beginner ones YouTube and pick a category to try eg. Yoga for relaxation or morning yoga and try to copy the moves. Maybe you could try that before you go to a class to get some confidence first? I haven't thought about a reading group or a class like that but I think I will look into it and see what is in my area.

X

[TreeStar]

I always find it bittersweet finding other people feel the same. It's comforting know you aren't alone, but sad knowing other people have felt the same way.
Ovian is right to say some people just don't understand anxiety. I find it's worse when they say 'oh, yeah I get nervous sometimes too!' But you're like 'Yeah...I feel like ALL THE TIME!'

Hopefully you live in a place where they offer something you can attend. Do you like comedy? Comedians can be fun to go and see.

I did manage to go... I almost didn't as I was having an unhelpful thoughts day. I messaged the instructor before the class and told him I was nervous, but he said no to worry and it will be ok. Then I was late, and couldn't find a way into the building. I almost went home, but then I found it. Luckily the class hadn't begun yet as the other class over ran. It was good though, I won't wear jeans next time.

[Prince Romeo]

Hi everyone,

I'm just wondering if anyone else is really struggling with feeling lonely? I broke up with my long term partner over Christmas and moved into a flat by myself, I do have a couple of friends dotted around the country but we don't talk much and I don't really feel close to my family. I'm having problems at work too and the only close friend I thought I had near by seems to have cut me off and that has been really difficult to deal with over the past couple of months. Unfortunately I still have to work closely with that friend so although I see people there, I'm feeling really isolated at work too.

I'm trying really hard to stay positive and concentrate on myself and look for things to do but I can't help feeling completely alone. I suffer with anxiety and depression and in some ways I thought these had both improved a little bit recently but I can feel myself slipping back into the downwards spiral now. I've been trying to join classes to meet new people but everyone already seems to be in groups or have someone there and it's just making me feel worse about myself.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get past this and move on?

Thank you x

You're a heck of alot braver than me. I am going to school for medical office administration...online. That's because my social anxiety is so severe, I am certain I would not have done as well as I did online, sadly. Also this just works alot better with my schedule. Do you have any support groups nearby? I hear that it's good to try and be a part of something where people have things in common with you. Maybe join a club.

-P.S. Cayman

[Vicky_220]

Well done for going to the class :) That is a big step and I know it would have been so tempting to turn around and go home after all that happened but you did really well to manage your nerves and go anyway! Once you were there, did you find the class helped with your anxiety all and do you think you will go again?

I do like comedy, thank you, I've not really thought of going to see a comedian but I think that might help with my low moods. Since me and my ex partner broke up, I suppose I have just been avoiding anything that seems like a couple or group event. I love going to the cinema but I can't imaging going to one any time soon. I know this is something I need to get over to move forward but I feel stupid going alone and my anxiety sometimes makes it hard for me to get the courage to ask people if they would like to go with me. I always imagine people saying no if I ask them to do anything and I think they will have something better to do or more important people to spend their time with. I know this is me being paranoid and I can't know what people will say unless I ask them but I find it really hard to stop these thoughts from going round my head and I usually end up talking myself out of asking people anything x

[Vicky_220]

You're a heck of alot braver than me. I am going to school for medical office administration...online. That's because my social anxiety is so severe, I am certain I would not have done as well as I did online, sadly. Also this just works alot better with my schedule. Do you have any support groups nearby? I hear that it's good to try and be a part of something where people have things in common with you. Maybe join a club.

-P.S. Cayman

Thanks Prince Romeo but you are brave too! :) You have the courage to push yourself and learn on your course when a lot of people would find that really daunting. I think social anxiety is my main struggle too, I struggle in social situations and I'm constantly worrying about what other people are thinking and I find that effects everything! I know I become closed in when I'm feeling low and anxious because there is so much going on in my head and I'm worried I will say or do the wrong thing. I think I will have a support group somewhere nearby so I will look into that, it would be great to meet new people who understand and a place where we can help each other too x

[Kirk]

I would try joining some type of group, club, etc. Maybe get involved with your place of worship, etc.

[TreeStar]

Well done for going to the class :) That is a big step and I know it would have been so tempting to turn around and go home after all that happened but you did really well to manage your nerves and go anyway! Once you were there, did you find the class helped with your anxiety all and do you think you will go again?

I do like comedy, thank you, I've not really thought of going to see a comedian but I think that might help with my low moods. Since me and my ex partner broke up, I suppose I have just been avoiding anything that seems like a couple or group event. I love going to the cinema but I can't imaging going to one any time soon. I know this is something I need to get over to move forward but I feel stupid going alone and my anxiety sometimes makes it hard for me to get the courage to ask people if they would like to go with me. I always imagine people saying no if I ask them to do anything and I think they will have something better to do or more important people to spend their time with. I know this is me being paranoid and I can't know what people will say unless I ask them but I find it really hard to stop these thoughts from going round my head and I usually end up talking myself out of asking people anything x

Thanks. It would have been too easy to walk away! It did help a lot actually, helped balance my Chi.

You sound a lot like how I have been until recently. (I broke up with my b/f before Chritmas and he was always the out going one. The extrovert to my introvert.) I went to cinema back in January with my baby sister, and hadn't been since-I had the same fear. I used to go alone to the cinema before my b/f, but then when were together we went with eachother all the time. I also was too scared to ask people in case they said no. Then... I did ask someone and they said 'no', but I was actually ok with it. And then went I on my own anyway (This was actually Tuesday of last week, I went to see Captain America, so pretty recent). But I can totally relate, it is weird doing things on your own you used to do with someone (I'm also sad that I seem to have missed out so much these days. I used to do a lot on my own before I had a boyfriend. That's actually how we met. I was going to go to the cinema on my own, and he thought it was weird and came too-THERE IS NOTHING WEIRD ABOUT GOING TO THE CINEMA ON YOUR OWN-OR DOING ANYTHING ON YOUR OWN-I wish I'd had the nerve to tell him this).

Don't feel stupid, it will take time, and in the meantime some really wonderful things can happen. I accidentally found out about a book group in my local book shop yesterday, they meet monthly . I had no idea about it. I went in to order a book and started chatting to the lady behind the counter about things, and she showed me the book they are reading at the moment. I said I was scared cos of my anxiety (which isn't something I discuss but it slipped out), and it turned out she has suffered from it in the past too! It was really weird, I have lived in this town for 4.5 years!

The talking about youself thing, I think it's because you are intelligent and you probably don't like small talk. Makes you highly interesting :)