Haven't been here in quite a while

[Kuma]

I see a number of long-timers here, and many new. I suppose that's the way to goes.

I thought I was doing better with anxiety, and working on some other aspects of my life.

But more recently, I have been back to an old and destructive pattern: I do or say something that I shouldn't have, later regret it, and then worry intensely about the potential consequences. (This is sort of understating the problem, as these feelings of regret and worry are often extremely intense, and all I can think about for days on end).

I find these feelings draining and exhausting and all consuming. And it makes me sad.

Occasionally, I will take a Xanax to try to calm down, but I try not to do that more than once a month or so, and I take a very low dose. I don't want to get anyplace near dependence or tolerance...

I guess I will go back to therapy. Have done that in the past, but maybe I stopped too soon. Or maybe just did not find the right therapist. Or maybe I need meds too, though (1) I don't the feeling of having to be on meds, and (2) I like to have a couple of drinks (not abuse, just social), and meds and drink don't always mix very well. So I prefer not to be on the meds. But, in the end, my mental health comes first, so if I need to be on meds, then I guess...

I hope you all are well.

[Kirk]

Medicine never worked for me, so I have had to deal with things the best I can. In an emergency, I do have Valium, but thank goodness
I have not needed it in quite sometime. I have tried therapy in the past, and it has helped, but ultimately, it is up to me to deal with
my HA better.

[annemieke87]

I am sorry to read you are not feeling well right now. I think you should go for therapy! You can ask your doctor for a dual therapy (meds & cbt). What therapy did you receive in the past?

[Kuma]

Hi annemieke87. I did psychotherapy about 4 years ago, along with a low dose of Lexapro and a beta blocker. Did about 6 months and then felt like "things were stable" so I stopped. A couple of years later, I did CBT, but that was mostly to deal with a particular health related concern. I would say it was moderately helpful. And I have done marriage therapy with my wife, which is different. It has been very helpful. So done a few different things in the category of therapy. But I REALLY need to deal with this cycle of doing something I wish I had not done, deeply regretting it, and intensely worrying about potential consequences. I am hoping a therapist can help. I could say "I hold myself to too high a standard." That may be true but it sort of oversimplifies the problem, I think. The feelings of castigating myself and worry are very intense. Sometimes I even punch myself in the face because I am so angry at myself. And i replay the events over and over and over again in my mind, thinking about what I said or did and how I could have said or did things differently.

[cloudy black]

hello Kuma. anxiety its the nature of the beast i guess. to keep on with repeating itself. i see the doc this week and i still haven't picked up the prescription from 4 weeks ago. lost my way with meds. i just fink fck it.

really no point going...wot can anybody do really ...that is the bottom line. i mean like a med is gonna change my life... not Pygmalion likely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSKv2PSXfaY

[Kuma]

I hope you are wrong, Cloudy black. I mean, I hope that some combination of therapy and/or medication can be life-changing. I don't think that means I will never have a moment of anxiety again. But maybe it won't destroy as many of my days.

[SanFranLarry]

Totally agree with Kirk. The only thing which helps me is me.

[Kuma]

Totally agree with Kirk. The only thing which helps me is me.

It is terrific that there are people who can find within themselves whatever they need to overcome their anxiety. But I guess there are some of us who need outside help, from pills or therapists, or both. For a long time, I thought I was in the former category. But after many years I have concluded that I am not. Whatever works, for each of us...

[Dahila]

Hi Kuma welcome back, however I would prefer if you are not here, so I would know that you are well. :)

[Kuma]

Thanks Dahila! You were among the first to welcome me here when I joined. And you were one who urged me to stick around, despite the periodic "religious wars," the Seth Chronicles and other supernatural stuff, Panic Cured's diatribes, and some other distractions from the past. So, it is good to hear from you.

[Olives]

Kuma, you seem confident and determined enough to try and solve your anxiety issues and you've worked on it in the past so I have no doubts that you will get better soon again! Good luck. :)

By the way, I relate a lot with regretting your actions and I'm also constantly reliving situations thinking about how it all could have been better by imagining me doing something else instead of what I did over and over again.

[annemieke87]

Hi Kuma, sorry for my late response. But a dual therapy, like I suggested could be working for you. I think most people stop therapy too early when they think they have achieved their goals and feeling better. I am sorry to read that you are castigating yourself, I think you really need to find good help soon. For CBT, I am not a fan of diagnoses, but if you have one you can get a fully CBT treatment for your complaints. Make sure you will find a good therapist/psychologist to help you finish the treatment. The same therapist can help you build off you medication if you are ready. I wish you all the best!

[Kuma]

Hi Kuma, sorry for my late response. But a dual therapy, like I suggested could be working for you. I think most people stop therapy too early when they think they have achieved their goals and feeling better. I am sorry to read that you are castigating yourself, I think you really need to find good help soon. For CBT, I am not a fan of diagnoses, but if you have one you can get a fully CBT treatment for your complaints. Make sure you will find a good therapist/psychologist to help you finish the treatment. The same therapist can help you build off you medication if you are ready. I wish you all the best!

Thanks for your response. Maybe one reason people stop therapy early is its very expensive. (I guess some people have health insurance that covers it, but I do not). I think I should try CBT. Maybe I need medication too. I would certainly prefer to be able to be well without medication, but I don't know if that is in the cards. If I have to take medication, I would prefer something that I can take prn, rather than every day. I know the SSRIs are taken daily. I am not sure if there's a good prn option. The only one I know of are benzos. Maybe that is OK, but I would not take it often because I do not want to become dependent or develop tolerance or have withdrawal symptoms.

[annemieke87]

I think you are right. Sadly, good healthcare is very expensive. I am not a psychiatrist, but I helped people build off benzo-use. A good psychiatrist will register the amount of benzo’s you are using and will inform you about common side effects. Some people just need medication to start therapy good. I think your mindset about benzo use is good, so this probably will not be a problem if you decide to stop using them.
How are you doing so far?