please help me.

[brittypixi]

this is long, im sorry but i would sincerely appreciate any help or advice, i dont want to lose my boyfriend over this because i know its really stupid..

so, back in july i got sick with food poisoning and it seriously screwed me up, i was sick for about a week and then for about a month after i had really bad anxiety about it and was having a terrible time eating.

so that passed, but then me and my boyfriend started having problems, i was treating him not so well and he told me if i couldn't change that he wouldnt be able to handle it and he would leave, which i understood and said i would work on it. but i had this intense fear that he was going to leave me, and i was terrified since we have always talked about marriage and our future and i just felt terrible when i thought of the fact that he could leave me.

well that also passed, and i was still depressed, so i went to see a therapist and she asked me strange questions about like how i would like to handle it if we broke up and everything. she made me feel really weird and later that night i started questioning and having doubts about my relationship.

now, with my anxiety, my problem is that once something crosses my mind, i can't stop thinking about it and i tend to convince myself stupid stuff is true, when in reality it is not.

so, its two weeks later and im still worrying about these doubts, and keep asking myself if im just comfortable and dependent on him or if i love him. when i think about it i think about all the things i love about him and everything that he does thats great, we have a ton in common, we have fun together, i feel comfortable with him, i love to see him happy, our sex life is great. when i think about things that would make me want to leave him all i can come up with is the fact that when we fight he gets overly mad. i know if i left him that i would come crawling back to him and that i would totally regret it because hes really the best thing and best person ive ever met. so why cant i shake off these doubts? or what do you think is preventing me or causing me so much trouble?

[northstar]

hi brittypixi welcome to the forum :) don't worry about writing long posts, just about everyone here does! it's hard to discuss such problems properly without writing long explinations, just write as much as you need to, the more you share the more we will understand!

i totally understand your position. my own boyfriend had a really tough time when i was going through the rigours of anxiety too, it really put a major strain on our realtionship. so i understand your fears about him leaving, and also oddly the questioning thoughts you're having.

my advice to you is to stick with the therapy. it takes a while to see the benefit of it. the way you can't shake your worries is called irrational thinking, and many many people who suffer with anxiety have the same problem. worries just circle in your head and it seems impossible to let them go. the great thing about therapy is that it should help you with this problem. it definitely helped me! the idea is that you will build on the other parts of your personality that are more rational and you will learn to balance out your worries in a more normal way. it takes time, but i found it worked very well. you just have to stick with it.

i think your therapist is asking you such difficult questions to make you think about yourself and your relationship. she's not questioning your relationship, but shes just trying to get you to think about yourself and how strong you feel. i know in the middle of my anxiety i felt like by BF leaving would have been the end of the world. i realise now that's not really very healthy. it's important to feel strong on our own and to be able to depend on ourselves. its just that you should be able to be ok if he wasnt there, not that you don't need him around - does that make sense?? needing someone around to survive is not a healthy realtionship. your therpist is just trying to get you to think about your own sense of strength i think. i hope thats clear?

when i felt bad i oddly had those same thoughts about my relationship, did i really love him and was i just depending on him? eventually as my mind cleared and i started feeling better i realised that i did love him very very much. perhaps its just something that people with anxiety experience? unfortunately the only person who can really answer those questions is you, but i would wait until you're starting to feel better before making any proper decisions. right now you're stressed out and not really thinking straight. anxiety makes us doubt ourselves, remember that.

good work on finding a therapist and starting to work on it, that's a big step and not an easy one. it takes courage. i hope that it starts to help you out soon :)

in the meantime there are lots of other things you can do to help with the anxiety. the food poisioning may have upset your system a good bit, it might be a good idea to take a multi vitamin and to learn a bit about nutrition for anxiety (i can give you some links if you like). definitely start taking a vitamin B supplement, it's very helpful to a stressed out and strained nervous system. just be careful that anything you take is compatible with and meds you're on. getting exercise and learning to relax are also very helpful to the anxious mind. if you read through these forums you'll find other tips and methods that have worked for people.

let us know how you're doing :)

[brittypixi]

thank you so much northstar! your post was very helpful and lifted up my day just a bit!