Hi... I can't take it anymore... go away suicidal thought!!

[anxietysecret]

Hi... I really need help. Not officially diagnosed with anxiety but I know there is something wrong with me. It is definitely in my gene. My sister has depression but thank God she's getting better ( I hope). But since around that time (two years ago) when she was diagnosed with depression I can feel my anxiety getting worse. I don't go for medication. Instead,I tried to use different approaches. But lately it was getting out of hand.
I cannot control 'it' as I did before. It robbed my time each time I need to go out. For the time being I was obsessively checking my gas stove repetitively.And even I successfully get out from the house and get in the car... I will go over and over again my mental checklist... Gas stove(ok). Windows and doors (ok) Rice cooker(ok)..yada..yada...
I don't know how long I can cope with this..
Last week I had the suicidal thought.. this time even more real than before.

[Carla]

Hello!
I am sorry to read how down you are feeling. How long have you been feeling this way? There are a lot of people on this forum who will be able to relate to the way you are feeling who can really be of help with advice. I have only been on the forum for a short while but already I have had a lot of really good advice given to me. It is a very friendly forum where you can share experiences. I think that if you are feeling so depressed that you feel suicidal then you need to take medication at this stage. You say the natural remedies are not helping. Please for now dont rely on natural remedies to get you through this time in your life. You need medical attention. I hate taking medication and I no longer take any but when I was severely depressed I took medication. It was a serious situation and with the best will in the world natural alternatives were not going to help at that time like prescribed medication did. Are you depressed or have anxiety or both? I can relate to both although I suffer with anxiety mostly. I went through depression a few months ago, to the point of wanting to harm myself one day, I was absolutely suicidal and I contacted the Samaritans here in the uk who were good and I confided in someone. I told my doctor too. I broke down and let it all come flooding out. I didnt want to die but the depression was making me feel like I did. Looking back now thank god I didnt!!!! My family and my son wld have been devastated.You need to let someone know how you are feeling. It is so important. You can and will get better. It takes time but you will get there and there is a lot of help out there for you too regarding this.. It is not going to be like this forever no matter how much you think it is right now.. I know that it is truly awful to feel so low when life just seems pointless and there can be no enjoyment found in anything anymore and you jsut seem to be so unhappy and miserable constantly. However, you can get better and you dont have to suffer like this. Have you told your doctor how you feel? Have you got support in the way of family and friends or not? You said your sister came through depression. You can too. Can you talk with your sister? As she has experience of depression she will be able to offer help I am sure with the way you are feeling. Life does get better, although when you are so low and down, it seems impossible. That is due to how you are feeling tho at the moment. Has anything triggered the way that you feel, or not? Please keep posting and let us know how you are. You are not alone in what you are going through.