Christheanxiousone
04-08-2016, 11:19 PM
Hey guys, so I've read a lot of things online (obviously) about anxiety/depression and the cycles people go through with these things. Anyway, I've never once seen a cycle listed in the detail that I am about to go into. I am doing this to see if anyone out there can relate and to possibly comfort someone so they know they aren't alone. I am doing much better now, so don't be afraid lol. Anyway, my "cycles" start with a panic-attack that I don't handle well, I run from it, and then worry about it. Then for a month or so, I am in a constant state of anxiety, worried about an attack's return, but nothing more. This slowly (every time) turns into EXTREME worry about the future and constant 24/7 anxiety. The worry is about stupid far out there things like the future 30+ years down the road for example, what I wanna do with my life, how I am gonna live feeling this way, etc. This part of the cycle is brutal. I just lay in bed with loads of anxiety, Googling and feeling 110% TERRIBLE. Sometimes not even being able to get up to do anything. After this, comes a small hint of hope, I then try to do things I use to do, at least bathe, but even the smallest tasks at this point is still hard to do and the thoughts/worries that I know are produced by anxiety, are still very much there and freaking me out, along with anxiety throughout my body. Slowly, VERY slowly, I make progress. Throughout this process I have odd thoughts/feeling. Like, I will never be normal again, I need more friends to be truly happy, I can never recover because my thoughts are never gonna stop, it'll be an endless cycle, I will end up in some insane asylum or something, there is no end to this, what am I gonna do when someone in my family passes away, what if I'm ever in a place I can't escape, what-if, what-if, what-if, what am I gonna do about this or that, etc, etc. Feelings or thoughts of the past and guilt about them. Just dumb thoughts that I can't brush off anymore, and I certainly can't take things day by day anymore.. Anyway, I continue you on, scary thoughts and feelings throughout. Slowly, I start showing slight interest in old normal activities, but I'm still so inward focused on my condition that it is still leading the show. More progress is slowly made, I almost forget just how bad I really was, but I feel no where near 100% at this point. Now, I am going back and forth, like a tug-of-war, between the thoughts coming in waves, wondering if they mean anything, thinking about my life, the anxiety. Some moments are okay, others, it's like no progress or hardly any has been made. Then, I notice some depression kicks in, the thoughts still linger back they take the back seat at this point. So now, it's waves of anxiety and small waves of depression, thinking I need this or that to be happy, missing the old me who was happy with the little things. Then, out of no where, good starts to outweigh bad and it's like my recovery comes on SO slowly, little by little, that I don't even notice it. The last stage is always that tug-of-war stage. I find some moments to be so bliss & nearly perfect, smiling ear to ear and even dancing! Then boom, I feel odd, strange, and slightly worried and depressed again. Sooner or later however, usually anywhere from 2-5 months, I am my old self again. The thoughts no longer bother me, even if thought. The fear is gone, and I can return to a normal rational mind, filled with logic. I think back and laugh at how stupid most of the thoughts were, or how stupid my reaction was to them and wonder how I could ever let it bother me that much, almost like that person is some person I don't even know.
Well there you have it guys, that is a detailed run-down of how my cycles come. They always follow the same pattern. It is odd. I have went through 3 of these in my life I believe. I am 22. This time, I am nearing the end of a cycle currently. Yes, I still have depressed or anxious moments, they shake me up a little but I can feel the hope and the light. I know this beast is dying now and I really helped myself this time by taking action, forcing myself to do things and be more understanding. I cut out all soda-pop from my diet. I have been drinking only water (1 gallon) a day for a month now. I always do some exercises during the day, along with changing my mindset and tackling negative self talk. I always began accepting the worry the best I could, realizing it was anxiety. I plan on never letting myself go through this EVER again and I plan on doing that by cutting off the head of this thing, the head being how it ALWAYS starts, a panic-attack. I plan on taking these things head on and literally not caring anymore because they are what cause all of the other needless suffering. Anyway, I hope someone can relate to this and I hope it comforts someone out there. Thanks in advance for responses.
One last note. I started a YouTube channel during this cycle to help as many people as I could based on my personal experience. So far, it has received AMAZING feedback and would ya know it? People watch my videos, lol. 240+ subs so far, sweeeet! Feel free to check it out yourself and any subscribers would be awesome, it might just help you like it has helped others. Thank you. http://www.youtube.com/wonderbro
Well there you have it guys, that is a detailed run-down of how my cycles come. They always follow the same pattern. It is odd. I have went through 3 of these in my life I believe. I am 22. This time, I am nearing the end of a cycle currently. Yes, I still have depressed or anxious moments, they shake me up a little but I can feel the hope and the light. I know this beast is dying now and I really helped myself this time by taking action, forcing myself to do things and be more understanding. I cut out all soda-pop from my diet. I have been drinking only water (1 gallon) a day for a month now. I always do some exercises during the day, along with changing my mindset and tackling negative self talk. I always began accepting the worry the best I could, realizing it was anxiety. I plan on never letting myself go through this EVER again and I plan on doing that by cutting off the head of this thing, the head being how it ALWAYS starts, a panic-attack. I plan on taking these things head on and literally not caring anymore because they are what cause all of the other needless suffering. Anyway, I hope someone can relate to this and I hope it comforts someone out there. Thanks in advance for responses.
One last note. I started a YouTube channel during this cycle to help as many people as I could based on my personal experience. So far, it has received AMAZING feedback and would ya know it? People watch my videos, lol. 240+ subs so far, sweeeet! Feel free to check it out yourself and any subscribers would be awesome, it might just help you like it has helped others. Thank you. http://www.youtube.com/wonderbro