danieljford
04-07-2016, 10:46 PM
I've been feeling these emotions for ten years im not sure its healthy..
Story 1
his is Daniel i feel so numb from the medication i'm taking, the creativity limited to the dark alleys back in my mind, locked off taped up cant access that passion anymore.
But where would I be without these magic pills that deflects the fire of pain to strip me from my legs to stand on?
Feeling i'm in limbo frozen in the middle of those demons but creative place. can i rip those ties and enter? or will my soul be crushed to shreads when i step fourth to the future me?
If i could see my younger self right now who would be the stronger man? sure i'm more educated in fear, what to worry about, smarter in detecting negetivity. My younger self would say thats just perspective and i'm my own demon i'm the one destroying us both.
I'm not going to tell a lie i've always been an obsessive person, this struggle has been through my lifetime like a spear shot deep in my history.
When I was younger these obsessions took a more creative enraviling obsessed about making videos, playing games, writing poems to express my inner rage.
Now, these obsessions have there talons Wrapped around me and no matter how i try i cant escape trying to escape only causes a tighter grip, i wish i could inherit the power i use to have for a second to destroy this demon.
But people tell me fighting it is a waste of time, the more you fight it the tighter the grip.
I keep talkin about the power I had as a younger me, my first thought would be? "BUT daniel what power you're nothing?" that low self esteem hitting again its a virus eating my core.
I try to fight, scream, attack. But then the depression kicks in... whats the point? I fight but you will always been slammed shut in this closet of darkness and you will have to fight again. So why bother? the dark alley with my power is so far away its not even apart of me anymore, so i close the ties cover the blankets steep in the depression.
Someone is calling me though - its my conusness you cant stay in this closet of sorrow. The pain of aniexty kicks in I get up and my heart is pounding feared of when this darkness will surround me. Am I strong enough to fight off the demon this week? will it infiltrate many different weaknesses i have? of course it does.
The Cycle continues week after week and I can't break out of it.
Story 2
This pain torments me again, I was in bliss in my dream only to be taken away from that world. Check - that pain still deep inside have to write this to release it.
Listerning to tupac to give me strength to say "fuck you aniexty" why me? fuck that why business i'm the problem i wont let my deformed self make me do this again.
I'm awake now time to get on with the day its friday so i feel in the mood for battle my aniexty better watch out if it causes any shit im blasting this chronic music against it till it shuts up
This demon is a scared little pup, only comes out when im in my weak state. Still fucking niggles at my weaknesses, haha im not letting it, nope, not today. Its Friday the only day i feel empowerd. Why?? probely cause i can drink beer and chill out forget about my worrys but that just causes deeper problems in the future. Who the fuck cares? at this point i dont care a day free of aniexty and happiness in blisss.
Happiness is probely the incorrect term - Happily angry i would say. This is the day i drink coffee till i go mental music blasting in m y eas to eelvate my spirit, fuck it feels so good to go from 0 percent to a 100 in a space of a day.
People cant judge me in this mood they look at me trying to dictate me trying to drill there hooks into me trying to get me to follow them because of all the holes of desperation I reek.
Not today - today is my day i dont care if I destroy ties with anyone its my time to shine in the glorious light of tranquility and destruction combination that cant decide what to do.
Its exilirating to go from pure peace to total chaous. what will i feel next? haha i dont care im just enjoying this ride.
Story 1
his is Daniel i feel so numb from the medication i'm taking, the creativity limited to the dark alleys back in my mind, locked off taped up cant access that passion anymore.
But where would I be without these magic pills that deflects the fire of pain to strip me from my legs to stand on?
Feeling i'm in limbo frozen in the middle of those demons but creative place. can i rip those ties and enter? or will my soul be crushed to shreads when i step fourth to the future me?
If i could see my younger self right now who would be the stronger man? sure i'm more educated in fear, what to worry about, smarter in detecting negetivity. My younger self would say thats just perspective and i'm my own demon i'm the one destroying us both.
I'm not going to tell a lie i've always been an obsessive person, this struggle has been through my lifetime like a spear shot deep in my history.
When I was younger these obsessions took a more creative enraviling obsessed about making videos, playing games, writing poems to express my inner rage.
Now, these obsessions have there talons Wrapped around me and no matter how i try i cant escape trying to escape only causes a tighter grip, i wish i could inherit the power i use to have for a second to destroy this demon.
But people tell me fighting it is a waste of time, the more you fight it the tighter the grip.
I keep talkin about the power I had as a younger me, my first thought would be? "BUT daniel what power you're nothing?" that low self esteem hitting again its a virus eating my core.
I try to fight, scream, attack. But then the depression kicks in... whats the point? I fight but you will always been slammed shut in this closet of darkness and you will have to fight again. So why bother? the dark alley with my power is so far away its not even apart of me anymore, so i close the ties cover the blankets steep in the depression.
Someone is calling me though - its my conusness you cant stay in this closet of sorrow. The pain of aniexty kicks in I get up and my heart is pounding feared of when this darkness will surround me. Am I strong enough to fight off the demon this week? will it infiltrate many different weaknesses i have? of course it does.
The Cycle continues week after week and I can't break out of it.
Story 2
This pain torments me again, I was in bliss in my dream only to be taken away from that world. Check - that pain still deep inside have to write this to release it.
Listerning to tupac to give me strength to say "fuck you aniexty" why me? fuck that why business i'm the problem i wont let my deformed self make me do this again.
I'm awake now time to get on with the day its friday so i feel in the mood for battle my aniexty better watch out if it causes any shit im blasting this chronic music against it till it shuts up
This demon is a scared little pup, only comes out when im in my weak state. Still fucking niggles at my weaknesses, haha im not letting it, nope, not today. Its Friday the only day i feel empowerd. Why?? probely cause i can drink beer and chill out forget about my worrys but that just causes deeper problems in the future. Who the fuck cares? at this point i dont care a day free of aniexty and happiness in blisss.
Happiness is probely the incorrect term - Happily angry i would say. This is the day i drink coffee till i go mental music blasting in m y eas to eelvate my spirit, fuck it feels so good to go from 0 percent to a 100 in a space of a day.
People cant judge me in this mood they look at me trying to dictate me trying to drill there hooks into me trying to get me to follow them because of all the holes of desperation I reek.
Not today - today is my day i dont care if I destroy ties with anyone its my time to shine in the glorious light of tranquility and destruction combination that cant decide what to do.
Its exilirating to go from pure peace to total chaous. what will i feel next? haha i dont care im just enjoying this ride.