I just accepting the fact that I might have anxiety

[SunOfApril]

Hi everyone,

Here I am, dealing with situation where I just kinda-found out that might-have anxiety problem.
I'm a 25 y.o female, in LDR, the youngest in family-8th to be exact, currently unemployed.

Probably the best way to describe everything is by write everything down. Please bear it with me :)

I'm the youngest one from a mid class family, but since we have a lot of family member we can't get more than enough-yet I never think this is a problem.
Since I'm born, my parents facing a problem, they never been so romantic before-I assumed. But it gotten worse since my dad decided to cheat on my mom.
He had an affair with a widower who has 3 kids I guess. So easily the financial portion of my family goes to them, I know it also because I silently checked on my dad's phone when I was in Junior High and saw the kids asked for money transfer.
Long-short, I was never feel the "love" from a dad like other kids or my older sibling. I saw photos of my family had a big family trip before I was born, but almost never after I'm born. Only fights between my dad and my mom.
(sorry for the grammar, English is not my mother tongue)

Because of that I'm always enjoy the affection from man, so when I have a boyfriend I becoming so attached to them. Probably more clingy.
I tried my best to give them affection in hope they will give the same, but I met some jerks. And yet I still can't change the way I act to the man I love.
Even now I'm in LDR, I'm so looking forward to every contact with my BF but he's so busy, since he just starting a new company.

As for my connection with my family. My dad is passed away 5 years ago. And I live only with my mom, since all my siblings is married and moved out.
We can not express feelings, it's so awkward most of the time. Esp with me & my mom lately. I can not really talk about any kind of topic, other than general thing or a really important issue.

And for my unemployed status. This one take quite a big role in my anxiety problem.
Resigned like 2 months ago because someone betrayed me and I prefer to walk away and start my own business-still on progress.

And there is it, mixed combination of everything can suddenly make me cry so hard and slap my face.
I also facing a lot of stomach problem like the feeling of always want to throw up.
It's so hard to think clearly, and even to get out of the bed.
Unable to stop my mind from overthinking.
The scared of failure, and being ignored is so hard.
And I know it's more than a frightened feeling.
So I guess I'm on it, anxiety.

I would like to know is there anyone else who share almost the same condition with me?
Or simply want to share some positivit for me, I would really appreciate it. :)

XX

[RyanMeehan837]

The good news is that you will not always feel this way. There are plenty of us in these forum who are going through the same feelings and emotions, so you are among peers who care about you very much and are here to help.

If there is a way to distract yourself from your anxiety by working on your new business venture, you can be super productive while taking steps to cure your anxiety all at once!

Being scared of failure is natural...it's in our biology to want to be successful, so there is no way that we will ever desire the act of failing at anything. You said that you have a fear of being ignored...is this something which occurs in the digital realm or in physical space? For example, when someone whom you are close to doesn't text you back, do you get anxious about whether or not they will? If so, remember that it doesn't always mean they are ignoring you. They could be busy doing something else.

Hope this helps and remember, we are here for you!

[SunOfApril]

True, it's "only" an occasional feelings most of the time, yet when it comes it hits quite hard :p But, I have no intention to loose in the battle.

Working on my business is indeed such a help, but then again when the anxiety comes it feels like I lost track and only panicking the whole time. But no worries, today I feel a bit lighter and I'm taking this chance to push myself and boost it even more for the next days. Keep my shoulder light. :)

As for the fear of being ignored, I guess it has something to do with my "trauma" with my dad. It never looks that harsh, but it affected me unconsciously.
With the texting matter, i explained the condition to my partner and ask for a little support on this one. Just to make it easier, while I'm learning to be less over thinking. And it works :)

Anyway, I'm really thankful for your support!
Have a good day!

[James Waide]

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