Rejected

[Bcrans]

So this just happened to me tonight. I'm sorry to bring the whole relationship topic here, but it has really distressed me, and I have been taking anxiety medication for about a month and a half now. I have a crush on a girl whom I know from my college classes. We are both around each other every single day in class and out of class. I have transferred schools a couple times now, because I've never really felt a connection at anywhere I went. When I arrived at the school I am at currently, all the pieces seemed to fall into place. I'm finally more social than I have been before. Then I met this girl. I only went out with her once, but I don't think she considered it a true "date". Keep in mind that this time I went out with her was clear back in August. We talk all the time, and we seem to have a great time when we around one another. Today, out of the blue, she sends me a long message on facebook explaining her reasons for not wanting a relationship. She says she values me as a person and a friend, etc, etc. Why do I feel mad? Should I? I feel like I did something wrong! I was never a complete a-hole or toolbag around her. Here I am, feeling like I am the one who f'd up. I really don't know how to feel right now...I mean, I would think that college seems like a perfect place to start dating; everyone is more mature and grown up, and, I think, people aren't looking superficially at what they want out of a partner. I want something that lasts, I'm not interested in living my friends' lives; hopping from one party to the other, etc. I've grown in my maturity far before them. One of my biggest fears is that I will go my whole life alone (I really don't want that), and I realize the whole "There's more than one fish in the sea" argument applies here, but she was perfect. We have the same exact mannerisms, we like the same exact things....I'm rambling. Maybe this all comes back to my anxiety, which I don't think it is, because of the medication I take. It just seems like, the minute I step out of my comfort zone, I am always having my hopes and dreams squashed like a cockroach.

[Moonstone]

Well hello there. Rejection, stepping out of the comfort zone and take a risk, trying something new all to be left feeling like a cockroach. I know that kind of feeling. Not exactly how you feel, but perhaps close. As part of the human experience, we are vulnerable to rejection. It hurts, it sucks, makes me second guess every word I have said.....in the last few weeks to months lol. Well no lol....it is not funny. And its too bad that she did this on FB. I once learned of a person who was close to me, that they died A FEW MONTHS BACK cause they thought I would learn it on FB. Why would anyone wish to learn of such a thing from a computer screen. I missed the funeral cause I didn't find out in time. It was 5 years ago on March 25th. I didn'[t know if I was angry or sad. Or how should I feel, I remember feeling thinking. Feelings are all valid. Hey, my husband shut me down when I was telling him by my body language that we should go upstairs and get up close and personal, naked. It had been awhile since......so he texted me when he went to bed early, by himself, writing me that he was sorry that he didn't respond very well to my advances, that he is messed up in the head and he needs to work on this abit......ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am not a person comfortable asking for sex, but I did, and got shot down, rejected....I wore that cockroach uniform.....Didn't feel good at all. I am going thru something huge so my soul feels that it got sucker punched.

For me I have to keep reminding myself that it really wasn't about me. Its not me, it IS him and his stuff. And as an adult, if it was something about me, he needs to let me know what it is about me, what I did wrong or say wrong and whenever I did it.

So maybe she is dealing or not dealing with something. We who have anxiety can too easily blame ourselves for too much. Handling rejection in a healthy mature way, is advanced human skills I think. And you were not rambling! Writing about your experience, I think, is a healing healthy and mature way of dealing. Going out from party to party to party isn't going to serve you well at all. So good for you. You don't know what great things are just around the corner for you. Keep your courage, and don't let anyone take it from you. Well only you can give permission for someone to steal it from you. Keep trudging down the happy road to your destiny my friend. ((((Hugs))))
***Moonstone*******

[Bcrans]

Thank you, that means a lot. Just as a side note, it's been two days since this conversation, and I just saw today that she put "In a relationship" on facebook. Now I feel more confused and agitated than to start. How could she do this? I feel like I'm looking more inward now than outward. I want to know what was so wrong with me that she decided to go to some other piece of crap.

[gadguy]

So this just happened to me tonight. I'm sorry to bring the whole relationship topic here, but it has really distressed me, and I have been taking anxiety medication for about a month and a half now. I have a crush on a girl whom I know from my college classes. We are both around each other every single day in class and out of class. I have transferred schools a couple times now, because I've never really felt a connection at anywhere I went. When I arrived at the school I am at currently, all the pieces seemed to fall into place. I'm finally more social than I have been before. Then I met this girl. I only went out with her once, but I don't think she considered it a true "date". Keep in mind that this time I went out with her was clear back in August. We talk all the time, and we seem to have a great time when we around one another. Today, out of the blue, she sends me a long message on facebook explaining her reasons for not wanting a relationship. She says she values me as a person and a friend, etc, etc. Why do I feel mad? Should I? I feel like I did something wrong! I was never a complete a-hole or toolbag around her. Here I am, feeling like I am the one who f'd up. I really don't know how to feel right now...I mean, I would think that college seems like a perfect place to start dating; everyone is more mature and grown up, and, I think, people aren't looking superficially at what they want out of a partner. I want something that lasts, I'm not interested in living my friends' lives; hopping from one party to the other, etc. I've grown in my maturity far before them. One of my biggest fears is that I will go my whole life alone (I really don't want that), and I realize the whole "There's more than one fish in the sea" argument applies here, but she was perfect. We have the same exact mannerisms, we like the same exact things....I'm rambling. Maybe this all comes back to my anxiety, which I don't think it is, because of the medication I take. It just seems like, the minute I step out of my comfort zone, I am always having my hopes and dreams squashed like a cockroach.

Congratulations dude you are a man now....LOL. But seriously, everyone experiences let downs, disappointments, its part of life. How we react to it is what sets us apart(anxiety sufferers) form the general public. We overact "I am always having my hopes and dreams squashed like a cockroach." Sure you are upset, dissapointed etc. But it is what it is..everyone deals with this, chances are this will not be your last rejection. I am 50 years old and still in the dating game, I have felt as you have many times and finally for my own sanity had to come to the conclusion when rejected 'know one died, I survived"

I do realize that so many years of anxiety have damaged my dating skills and I am somewhat socially awkward, and I also realize I need to work on my skills. Hang in there and keep trying...remember the perfect woman will think t=you are perfect warts and all.