Peaches36
03-16-2016, 07:25 PM
So I have really bad Health Anxiety. I'm sure there is a correct term for it but that's what I like to call it. If I get a headache or anything I instantly think cancer or death. I don't know how to not think like that. Recently, I felt a small hard spot in my lower right abdomen and it felt tender to the touch. This was 16 days ago. That night my whole body tingled and I felt sick to my stomach wanting to pass out because my instant thought was...a tumor. I went on google and have constantly pushed on the area since. It has come and gone and come back again. I couldn't sleep and I felt like it started to control my everyday. Like I wasn't myself and it was tapping me on my shoulder to look on Google. Google is the worst thing ever for that and I know that. Everytime I've had something and thought the worst it was never anything bad. So I went to the doctor today and she has no idea what it is. They took labs for liver, gallbladder, red and white blood cells plus a urinalysis. I'll find everything out tomorrow...on my birthday! Hopefully all is okay. I also have an abdominal utrasound and an internal one on Tuesday. So after that I thought I would feel better. I don't. Now I'm like is it ovarian cancer? I wish I could not think like this. I have 2 small kids and am a stay at home mom. My husband works 2 jobs. I have no siblings or parents to break up my day. No one calls or comes by and I get so lonely that my mind wanders. I'm so afraid if something happened to me what would happen to my kids? I also have been seeing a social worker for 4 years and it has helped a lot. I was put on Zoloft December 2012-May 2014 for depression and anxiety. I gained 35lbs and felt as if I had no emotion whatsoever or sex drive. I hated feeling like that and do not want to go back on it. I did like that I stopped thinking the worst though. I thought about trying a homeopathic medicine called Saldia but I don't even know if that would work. I hate feeling like this. My mom lives far away and when I try to talk to her about it she is so disconnected from our conversation that I just give up. My husband is amazing but he's never home because he works so much. Is there anyone out there that feels the way I do? I feel like I'm the only one and my mind is driving me crazy. I wish I could just shut it off! I used to be such a fun happy person. Now I feel sad, scared, anxious, nervous and I hate that it just one day slapped me in the face and I can't fix it. :(