theknowing
03-02-2016, 06:18 PM
Hello all,
I am a 19 year old male who has been suffering form obsessive compulsive disorder, as well as some bouts of generalized anxiety and depression. Throughout my life, my obsessions included ranged from hand-washing, tapping objects or doing other rituals to prevent "bad things" from happening.
Recently, I had entered a relationship with a girl who I believed was my soulmate. A girl who was like no other, and I had honestly loved her with all my heart. I had no anxiety for a good 3 months, until I saw her texting another guy, to which she said "I needed someone to make me feel beautiful, you stopped doing that". This KILLED me. I thought I had always given her my all, with gifts, surprise dates, affection.
Anyways, she also informed me she was doubting her feelings, which made me spend a good week crying myself to sleep, and she would give me cold responses. Eventually, she apologized and came around, saying she regretted it all.
After these incidents, I began having extreme anxiety around her. I OBSESSED whether I really loved her or not 24/7. So much that I had nausea, tension headaches, and everything in between when I was with her or not.
Now, were about 4 months into the relationship, and nothing is improving. I cry to her in the car, expressing my doubts and extreme ROCD- NOTE: I always reminded her this was not my true feelings, simply anxiety and I promised to love her my best throughout it. Well, different anxieties bloomed. I began experiencing HOCD, and an obsession of my past experiences where I experimented with my sexuality, and this only grew worse, and I HAD to confess it all to her.
I spent every day from Thanksgiving until recent (breakup) obsessing over all of these thoughts. The break-up did not help them either because now I feel guilty and terrible as I feel like my anxiety was the cause- to which she told me "your anxiety and all of the stress made me lose feelings for you". I am extremely heartbroken as she was "the one".
Currently, I am in therapy. I have been experiencing different obsessions now. I keep having flashbacks of prior incidents in my life and create an extreme amount of guilt for them.
For instance: In a different relationship where I was cheated on, I had actually been friends with a prior ex, and texted her frequently. I did very much like my girlfriend at that time, but I remember that i flirted, or so i think, with this other girl. My anxiety also is making me feel like I used this girl for sexual favors, and my mind is racing. I feel like a terrible guy. Believe me when I say, I would never EVER cheat. I am genuinely a guy who is true to his girl, who never would flirt, Im not sure if I did but I cannot forget this guilt. I don't have motivation to workout, eat right, or sleep as I used to. I used to be the most lively person about 6 months ago. But every day it just gets harder.
This is my story. I am in so much pain. Please help me
I am a 19 year old male who has been suffering form obsessive compulsive disorder, as well as some bouts of generalized anxiety and depression. Throughout my life, my obsessions included ranged from hand-washing, tapping objects or doing other rituals to prevent "bad things" from happening.
Recently, I had entered a relationship with a girl who I believed was my soulmate. A girl who was like no other, and I had honestly loved her with all my heart. I had no anxiety for a good 3 months, until I saw her texting another guy, to which she said "I needed someone to make me feel beautiful, you stopped doing that". This KILLED me. I thought I had always given her my all, with gifts, surprise dates, affection.
Anyways, she also informed me she was doubting her feelings, which made me spend a good week crying myself to sleep, and she would give me cold responses. Eventually, she apologized and came around, saying she regretted it all.
After these incidents, I began having extreme anxiety around her. I OBSESSED whether I really loved her or not 24/7. So much that I had nausea, tension headaches, and everything in between when I was with her or not.
Now, were about 4 months into the relationship, and nothing is improving. I cry to her in the car, expressing my doubts and extreme ROCD- NOTE: I always reminded her this was not my true feelings, simply anxiety and I promised to love her my best throughout it. Well, different anxieties bloomed. I began experiencing HOCD, and an obsession of my past experiences where I experimented with my sexuality, and this only grew worse, and I HAD to confess it all to her.
I spent every day from Thanksgiving until recent (breakup) obsessing over all of these thoughts. The break-up did not help them either because now I feel guilty and terrible as I feel like my anxiety was the cause- to which she told me "your anxiety and all of the stress made me lose feelings for you". I am extremely heartbroken as she was "the one".
Currently, I am in therapy. I have been experiencing different obsessions now. I keep having flashbacks of prior incidents in my life and create an extreme amount of guilt for them.
For instance: In a different relationship where I was cheated on, I had actually been friends with a prior ex, and texted her frequently. I did very much like my girlfriend at that time, but I remember that i flirted, or so i think, with this other girl. My anxiety also is making me feel like I used this girl for sexual favors, and my mind is racing. I feel like a terrible guy. Believe me when I say, I would never EVER cheat. I am genuinely a guy who is true to his girl, who never would flirt, Im not sure if I did but I cannot forget this guilt. I don't have motivation to workout, eat right, or sleep as I used to. I used to be the most lively person about 6 months ago. But every day it just gets harder.
This is my story. I am in so much pain. Please help me