Other shoe
03-01-2016, 04:36 PM
A while back I was at break at work and saw a couple shopping for a car. I thought to myself, "I wish I was as happy as them and free of problems." Then I stopped myself from the usual and asked ,"how do I know they're happy?" I used to do this a lot, look at other people in the world and assume they were more joyful than myself. This comes from being so depressed and anxious and down on myself. Those people simply had to be happier than me, nobody else is rotting inside like I was. How wrong I tended to be! That couple I observed, for all I know they were buried in debt and fought every night. Maybe they were meth heads looking for a ride. I don't know, but my mind decided to tell me they were better off than me. The thoughts gave me pause and I reflected on how "unlucky" I was. I have a super successful wife who is truly compassionate and loving. I have a decent home in an area I love. Yes, I am currently unemployed but this is not the first time. Yes I have my mother living with me who suffers from dementia and will often drive me crazy. But overall I am not destitute, I am not dying of disease, and my anxiety is there but not debilitating. At least not most of the time. Either way, to compare myself to a total stranger is nuts, not least because it is counterproductive, but because it merely gives fruit to the anxious demons in my mind. How can anyone compare themselves to another? Money status, I guess. But the true quality of a genuine person is their love of others and themselves. I would love to think that I can walk through life and not worry about "how I stack up" against another human being. I have never met two people exactly the same, thank God!