New to this. Just need to vent

[Jay1030]

Ok so I'll start out by saying I'm 19yo, graduated a couple months ago. To other people my life probably doesn't seem that bad.. But that's outside looking in. I think my life is complete shit. I mean I know people are like dying around the world but damn anxiety might just be the death of me lol. But anyway, It's like as soon as I walk out of my house, anxiety just hits me. It's so crazy I'm going through this because I remember like my freshman and sophomore years I was completely confident! Now I can't even walk around the corner without thinking I'm being talked about or something crazy is gonna happen. My mind is just everywhere all the time. I constantly worry about my future and how I'm gonna end up because how am I ever gonna be able to be successful if I'm paranoid to walk into Walmart or just any place. I can't talk to my family cause all their gonna say is it's ok or some other not caring shit. The only time I really feel like things are gonna be ok is when I hang and talk with my friends.. But they also have their own problems so I can't expect them to always be there. I'm just so lost in life right now it's crazy. Everyday I'm noticing how my mind is my worst enemy. My body tenses up every time I leave my house and it's driving me insane. I wanted to make this to see if anyone can relate I guess. Or maybe even help me help you. So please reach out!

[cloudy black]

hello Jay1030 Blast I did a post and the bl**dy thing disappeared! Not been on the forum for a while as I have many things going on at the mo. i will post you tomorrow as losing that post has done my head in!

take care for now yes thankyou i will be your friend. just a quick post for now reading a book called transforming anxiety by Doc Childcare & Deborah Rozman. i have found it very helpful ... talk later

[Other shoe]

Jay1030, I feel your pain. You can't put a finger on what scares you and I have been there too many times. This is free floating anxiety and it is difficult because there is no certain thing which causes fear. You mentioned how confident you were in the past. This confidence still lives within you. The anxiety is just your mind getting in the way. One thing I do is to just stop, stop worrying about what is going to happen and walk out the door. The more I wait to do this the worse my anxiety gets. I find that every time I venture out and do what I have to do my fear is proven false and I become relieved and more confident. You are not walking around with a billboard on your head that says you are crazy. All those people walking around you have worries just like you, believe me. You said your mind is your own worst enemy and that is important! Sometimes the mind likes to do that and you have to step in. You have made that important step, now chat with whoever you can and realize you are no different than anyone. A little worried, that's all.

[Jay1030]

Jay1030, I feel your pain. You can't put a finger on what scares you and I have been there too many times. This is free floating anxiety and it is difficult because there is no certain thing which causes fear. You mentioned how confident you were in the past. This confidence still lives within you. The anxiety is just your mind getting in the way. One thing I do is to just stop, stop worrying about what is going to happen and walk out the door. The more I wait to do this the worse my anxiety gets. I find that every time I venture out and do what I have to do my fear is proven false and I become relieved and more confident. You are not walking around with a billboard on your head that says you are crazy. All those people walking around you have worries just like you, believe me. You said your mind is your own worst enemy and that is important! Sometimes the mind likes to do that and you have to step in. You have made that important step, now chat with whoever you can and realize you are no different than anyone. A little worried, that's all.

Appreciate you reaching out man, that was real encouraging! I'm trying to get better.

[cloudy black]

I'm going through this because I remember like my freshman and sophomore years I was completely confident! Now I can't even walk around the corner without thinking I'm being talked about or something crazy is gonna happen

How come your confidence has taken a battering?
Have you managed to get the qualifications you needed at the end of it?

Also moving back in with the parents is tricky as you will have changed quite a lot if you lived away.

What I would say regarding the anxiety is do your utmost not to focus on it. Don’t have it be who you are. You are not your anxiety. you are much more than this. And right now you are going through a tough time. Having not long left college/uni. You maybe have lost a routine. And now if you are not careful you could start drifting aimlessly.

To me it sounds like you need to get away. Have you thought about doing some voluntary work in an area that interests you ? I found going away on a booked week or more helped me no end when I was at the end of my patience with it all. See this as an opportunity to look and find stuff regarding voluntary work on the web.

I only mention voluntary work because it doesn’t cost much. How it works is, in return for you doing some work you have bed and food. I found it so helpful and very interesting. I met people from all walks of life and a mixed age range.Otherwise There are more than likely some local based day time voluntary opportunities near you (have a look in the local paper each week and see. As sometimes they are advertised) if you don’t fancy getting away at the mo.

You still need to explore new things and find out more about yourself. Please don’t think that you have to have the answers as to what you are going to do for the rest of your life. Don’t let society put its blinkered view that you have to be totally sorted by the time you are 19!

It’s good that you have your friends to talk with. However like you say they also have their problems. So why not give it a go and take a risk and go away and do some voluntary work. Plus when you get back you will have something positive to talk about and you might even get some of your friends to join you maybe …..

Your family have their own problems I guess. That is one area that I never did find any understanding. For my own sanity I went elsewhere for help and support.

Other shoe you sound very wise and caring

[Fahrenheit]

Hey Jay. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult mental space right now. It is rough when anxiety permeates you experience of everything, it makes the simple things so take such a herculean effort to face. I think that first, you should give yourself credit for just getting through the day/s with anxiety on your back. When my anxiety was bad, I looked at everyone around me and what they were able to accomplish and felt so much less than. But having recovered a bit, I have allowed myself to give myself credit where credit is due. Dealing with the kind of anxiety we have and just getting through a day take so much strength.

Second, I really want to reiterate what both other shoe and cloudy have said: remember, you are NOT your anxiety. How you feel right now is NOT who you are. Yes, it is part of who you are. This, too, is part of your life experience. But that confident person you remember is still there. Don't let this define you. I am being insistent about this, because I know how hard it is - for me, one of the worst, most devastating parts of anxiety is it seems to rob you of so much. So many of the basic aspects of who you were that you never appreciated, are just taken away. It feels like the best of you is gone, and you are left with this monstrous being that is just fear, fear, fear. For me, it is really hard to feel love and or loved when my anxiety is at it's worst, and it is feeling abandoned by that capacity for joy and connection and meaning that is more devastating than anything. But it is all still there, I promise. And if all those human things that used to come so naturally before seem to have left you cold and alone and desperate, try not to despair. It may not be natural to be that person anymore, but believe that person is there, be kind to yourself, appreciate yourself, and try as much as you can to act like your non-anxious self. And I am not saying you should pretend you are not anxious - you are. But approach your anxiety with compassion, and reach out for support from those friends who have already been able to help you, and remember - your non-anxious self is still inside you.

Haha, sorry it that is a bit dramatic, and I hope it makes sense. I am saying this as much to myself as you, since these past couple of days I have felt a bit more anxious than usual, and have been afraid of falling back into that dark place.

You are not alone. You have people here, and you have your 'IRL' friends.

Wishing you some peace, self-love, and compassion. I know 'self-love' and 'self-compassion' sound like very light, happy, airy fairy things, but when you are in the trenches on anxiety, trying to survive, you know that they are serious, and they are not easy. But you will find you need them. And it doesn't just come, it takes practice and it takes commitment. Like anything, it is a skill you build. Reach out to people, but also try to be their for yourself in the way you would want to be their for a friend if THEY were feeling the way you are right now. How would you treat them? What attitude would you take toward them?

Hope things ease up a bit for you. Keep us in the loop.