Help - It's getting harder to support my fiance's anxiety

[Cody92]

Hi,

My fiance and I have been together for seven years. We've been through just about everything together, and that includes me helping her get through her panic attacks (she has generalized anxiety disorder). While the causes are always different, she usually gets worried that I'll stop loving her because of these attacks, and that they will be the reason our relationship eventually ends. While this isn't true in the slightest, it is getting harder for me to always be there for her. We both work and go to school, we also just moved into our first place together, so we have a lot to deal with. If we argue (which hardly ever happens), she usually has a panic attack, and I have to support her/calm her down. She ends up feeling better, but I'm left still angry/hurt from the argument with no closure. I know helping someone through anxiety is not an easy task, but I feel like it's weighing on me more so than before. What can I do? I don't have people to talk to, as my family doesn't understand mental health issues. My fiance and I have the same friends, and her family is extremely small.

Anyone else going through a similar situation? What can I do to help with this drained feeling?
Thanks!

[Nowuccas]

Hey Cody92,

Does she know, and use any anti panic attack breathing methods, and anti-anxiety techniques, such as Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or EFT/Meridian Tapping Technique?

If not, they may be found below, which you could print for her, or show to her:

ANXIETY or PANIC ATTACKS: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33197-Do-I-have-anxiety-disorder-or-something-worse&p=220006#post220006

GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33964-New-to-the-site-and-looking-for-help&p=223989#post223989

HERBAL ANXIOLYTICS: (anti-anxiety herbal remedies) are shown in my post at: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34269-5-Powerful-Tools-You-Probably-Haven-t-Tried-Yet&p=225415#post225415

I suggest that you approach her at an opportune time, begin by reassuring her that you love her and are fully committed to the relationship, but people have disagreements occasionally, and would benefit from having effective ways of resolving them, which may include introducing the subject, making an initial statement of views, then they could agree to differ, (if not a major point) or to sleep on it (neither of you should go to sleep angry with the other) or postpone it until you have had time to consider it further, when emotional states aren't so heavily charged.

You could give relaxation techniques a good tryout, to see if they suit you:

Practise a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as:
http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate or Yoga Nidra, (a series of easy mental exercises only; no flexibility required) at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34171-Questions-relating-to-troubles-with-meditation&p=224951#post224951

They will enable you to emotionally centre yourself, when practiced regularly, and are valuable methods of helping you through life's bad patches. Learn them at least a few hours apart, and preferably on different days, in the morning, or early afternoon. Use the one you find most effective. A minimum of 10 mns is recommended; 15 is better, and 20 is ideally preferred, but more is also fine.

The Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT could also help you, and is definitely worth trying.

[brfoo]

Hello,

I was just thinking about you writing her an honest letter where you describe how you love her even when you are arguing as it is a natural part of life. And in case she has a panic attack or just feels unconfortable, she can read this letter again to calm herself down :) This can also be a "link" to the "sane" (panic-free) world, preventing falling deep into the anxiety and pulling her back halfway.