tobyjones
02-25-2016, 02:31 PM
Hey everybody, my name is Lydia, I'm 21 and have a daughter who is 10 months old. I recently started seeing a psychiatrist for the first time about 6 months ago. He has explained to me what I have been suffering from my whole life. I never knew how to put it into words or admit I had a problem, but now it is effecting me as an adult and I needed to get help.
When I was in 5th grade I was diagnosed with ADHD and started taking medication. It made me feel terrible, it helped me focus but would give me terrible headaches. I stopped taking it once i got to 9th grade, thats when i started "acting out" in class and not paying attention blah blah. Well, I fell behind until I couldn't catch up. I graduated high school but it wasn't because I deserved to, I didn't know any of the material, I passed because I was a senior and none of my teachers wanted to fail me.
I also suffer from OCD, it's hereditary in my family and the older I get the more prominent it is becoming. I use to keep things like my tooth brush, tooth paste, hair brush and all other toiletries in my room and away from everyone elses. I would have to use one drinking glass all day, or wash my hands after every time I'd go outside or touch certain things around the house. My room was a mess, but that was the best for me. I liked having everything where I could see it. I had to wash my clothes separate from everyone else in my family. I always thought I was just particular, but turns out its not normal to have to clean your house before you can go anywhere even if it makes you late, or have to buy plastic cups because your glasses just aren't clean, or have to wipe down the counters everytime you step into the kitchen.
I've always kept a tight circle of friends who are like family to me! I can always open up to them and be myself. Some times though I get to comfortable and my ADD takes a hold and I end of embarrassing myself by being to loud or blurting out nonsense. When I go out to wal-mart or something I feel like everyone is watching my every move. If I mess up and forget something down and row I tend to verbally justify myself which just makes the situation worse because now I feel people thing I'm crazy talking to myself. Not to mention the constant fear of running into someone I know and having to make small talk.
My life has never been to hard, I was never bullied everyone knew I had to do stuff a certain way or not do them at all. most of the time people accommodated to me or did things for me. but now that I am married, out of the house, and have a child there are alot of things I HAVE to do. No more asking people to make phone calls for me, or refusing to go into stores, or hiding my things. I feel like my life is out of control sometimes which causes me to have small panic attacks for no real reason. I don't have a trigger that I notice, I just randomly start having racing thought and a heavy feeling on my chest causing me to breathe heavier. I have to plan everything. I need to be in control of situations, if I can't be, my husband or my mother have to be, I feel like they can do a better job then me. I plan unrealistic/realistic scenarios in my head. My doctor calls it catastrophizing. It tends to be things like what would I do if someone got into a car accident, or if this bridge falls down, or a tornado hits. But it can also be things like what if a meteor hit the earth, or the planet flooded, or if everyone but me and my family disappeared. I am distacted by these thoughts and my actions, I hope seeing a doctor and writing it all down will help me be able to live my life, instead of staying closed up in my head all the time.
When I was in 5th grade I was diagnosed with ADHD and started taking medication. It made me feel terrible, it helped me focus but would give me terrible headaches. I stopped taking it once i got to 9th grade, thats when i started "acting out" in class and not paying attention blah blah. Well, I fell behind until I couldn't catch up. I graduated high school but it wasn't because I deserved to, I didn't know any of the material, I passed because I was a senior and none of my teachers wanted to fail me.
I also suffer from OCD, it's hereditary in my family and the older I get the more prominent it is becoming. I use to keep things like my tooth brush, tooth paste, hair brush and all other toiletries in my room and away from everyone elses. I would have to use one drinking glass all day, or wash my hands after every time I'd go outside or touch certain things around the house. My room was a mess, but that was the best for me. I liked having everything where I could see it. I had to wash my clothes separate from everyone else in my family. I always thought I was just particular, but turns out its not normal to have to clean your house before you can go anywhere even if it makes you late, or have to buy plastic cups because your glasses just aren't clean, or have to wipe down the counters everytime you step into the kitchen.
I've always kept a tight circle of friends who are like family to me! I can always open up to them and be myself. Some times though I get to comfortable and my ADD takes a hold and I end of embarrassing myself by being to loud or blurting out nonsense. When I go out to wal-mart or something I feel like everyone is watching my every move. If I mess up and forget something down and row I tend to verbally justify myself which just makes the situation worse because now I feel people thing I'm crazy talking to myself. Not to mention the constant fear of running into someone I know and having to make small talk.
My life has never been to hard, I was never bullied everyone knew I had to do stuff a certain way or not do them at all. most of the time people accommodated to me or did things for me. but now that I am married, out of the house, and have a child there are alot of things I HAVE to do. No more asking people to make phone calls for me, or refusing to go into stores, or hiding my things. I feel like my life is out of control sometimes which causes me to have small panic attacks for no real reason. I don't have a trigger that I notice, I just randomly start having racing thought and a heavy feeling on my chest causing me to breathe heavier. I have to plan everything. I need to be in control of situations, if I can't be, my husband or my mother have to be, I feel like they can do a better job then me. I plan unrealistic/realistic scenarios in my head. My doctor calls it catastrophizing. It tends to be things like what would I do if someone got into a car accident, or if this bridge falls down, or a tornado hits. But it can also be things like what if a meteor hit the earth, or the planet flooded, or if everyone but me and my family disappeared. I am distacted by these thoughts and my actions, I hope seeing a doctor and writing it all down will help me be able to live my life, instead of staying closed up in my head all the time.