What do you do when you feel all alone?

[mint]

I would like some advice please. What do you do when you all of a sudden feel alone? The feeling of loneliness is stronger when it seems like no one can understand me or no one is on my side... Or people who could be close to me are far away and I just can't easily get to them... Like no one can help...
What do you do to make that feeling go away in that very moment?

[salvator here]

I can understand when you would like the company of someone that is far away, but you can't be with them. Frequently, I meet people online that I would love to actually spend time with, but traveling is difficult for me.

I try to just go for a short walk even if only to Dunkin' Donuts.

[The Intolerable Kid]

Smile and enjoy the peace and quiet.

[Other shoe]

Enjoy who you are! Other people are not always good company. Being alone is my best source of inspiration. I take that time and reflect on what is troubling me without other opinions. I agree with The Intolerable Kid, enjoy the peace and quiet.

[Ponder]

I would like some advice please. What do you do when you all of a sudden feel alone? The feeling of loneliness is stronger when it seems like no one can understand me or no one is on my side... Or people who could be close to me are far away and I just can't easily get to them... Like no one can help...
What do you do to make that feeling go away in that very moment?

Whilst I get what the others are saying, I think your hitting on something a little different here. I like my peace and quite like the other guys are saying, but being feeling isolated is somewhat different to finding solace.

Is isolation more your meaning? Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things.

Feeling lonely while alone kind of sucks.

I have to go now ... I will think some more on this and reply when I have time.

Take care.
Dave.

Edit - Yea ... that seems to be isolation and or alienation. I know it well.
Finding space is easy to do, but fitting in and or being understood is something I am looking to work on. I'll return later.

[Ponder]

_____________________

Hi Mint , I spent some time on your questions. There is no short answer, but I don’t mind turning your questions into something that I myself am learning to deal with. I’ll do my best to make the words and format an easy read.

To keep things in line with your own thoughts, I have first extracted the following two questions to make them stand out:


1. What do you do when you all of a sudden feel alone?
2. What do you do to make that feeling go away in that very moment?

I can understand why many people would respond straight away with the analogy “I like to be alone” – I do too, however I think the frame of reference to your questions here requires a little more sensitivity to the context in which you have delivered them.
You state - “The feeling of loneliness is stronger when it seems like no one can understand me or no one is on my side... Or people who could be close to me are far away and I just can't easily get to them... Like no one can help...”

________________________
1. Let’s tackle that “sudden feeling” of loneliness.
There are numerous scenarios which I will forgo attempting to paint – let’s just sit with that feeling you have outlined so well. It’s a very hollow and empty feeling. I find it’s like a deep hunger that can never be satisfied with intense feelings of hopelessness and despair descending on me all at once. The complete opposite of my meditative time outs where being in a state of solace helps to aid such negative / more so “painful” emotions that need clearing out.

The “sudden onset” is another dynamic to factor in. It intensifies the painful emotion by catching me unguarded / “unawares.” [Note* the strikethrough text formatting I am using on words such a negative and unguarded is to point out my change in of mindset as I live through the many different experiences that life has installed with regard to this topic of which we speak.]

My advice is to be more accepting of those things we cannot change, and change those things that we can. Yes I know that sounds cliché, but it’s quite a powerful approach. Developing and cultivating the wisdom to know the difference between those things that we cannot control and those which we can. Typically a long term depressive state that’s only known pain and suffering will resist such a notion to accept what it seeks to cling to. Other factors that reason one is not affected by such experiences will seek to justify rather than reason. The latter is our ego, which often blind us to the reality of others and or that which we perceive. It can get more complex than that. Allow me to just say, that anytime we are suddenly caught unawares, it is during such states that we react less mindfully and more open to less than favorable influences from within ourselves and that of others. The more I have come to understand this fact/process, the more I have been able to practice catching the moment in which such vulnerability takes place.

It has been in that practice that I have slowly become less cynical of such terms as acceptance and more able to see similar terms that allow for more healing options, (has helped me remain open to another context than just what my mind wants be to believe – another topic I wanted to respond to – “believing my mind” – but thought better of it)

Summery to first question – It’s a learning process. I have learned to use a different language with the way I think. I have been fostering wisdom to know the difference between things outside my control and those which are not. Positive and Negative are more terms I play with when unable to accept myself – Pain and suffering or more facts of life that I have come to accept and in doing so I am finding more “peace” which has redefined the common term of happiness which everyone is trying to seek.

I am no guru – I still struggle very much with the thoughts and world that I perceive. I’m just sharing as someone who knows well your questions and their meaning. Some people learn quicker than others – Some have more challenges to go through than others. Those with fewer challengers are often worse off, despite appearing as if they have everything they’ve ever wanted. Once you come to learn some of the things I am trying to explain and really start to live them … then such challenges can be viewed more as blessings. Enduring pain becomes less of a burden and more of a skill – one of which only helps us all the more to connect with others. In this way, learning to deal with loneliness makes us more appealing to others and brings us more peace and acceptance than we could of ever hoped for.

I guess I can quickly use your second question to wrap this all up:
What do you do to make that feeling go away in that very moment?
I accept the feeling that comes for what it is and judge it not. If I give in to my mind without taking time to afford myself in taking the advice above, I am then quick to forgive myself as well as any other whom my ego would dare to imply whatever of. Above all, I attempt not to take the thought processing of myself or others personally. It is in the learning of catching these things as they happen and being OK with being slow at it … that helps us return to the moment, whilst others perhaps have not. Coming to understand that none of us are perfect, and that we are all on our own paths, really helps to dis-identify with unnecessary pain. Owning the pain before it grows is a really great way to disempower invested emotion. Emotion should flow. That’s way acceptance no matter what the circumstances without judgment is so effective.
_________________________________________________

I’m still learning the process – but for me it works really well. Even in those times I am slow to catch myself and have reacted and gone away feeling lonely. I remind myself of all the above and then soon find myself accept myself and others and better able to separate myself from needless pain. I am better able to simply be myself with no pain in that moment.

I am srry if I have made no sense. You have certainly given my something to think about, as well as much to write about with my own dealings of late.


No time to edit ... got to keep moving. Again ... I hope some of this helps. Forgive me If I strayed from the context you have given. Happens to me all the time. :)

Thank you very much for your questions.

[tmex]

just communicate with yourself and find a distraction

[Two One]

I know the feeling. I have some good friends, but, naturally we all have our own lives. Although sometimes I hardly consider mine worth living. Perhaps it is a lack of effort to communicate on my part, but a lot of times I don't feel like bothering my friends with my problems. They care, but they don't truly understand like you said. When I feel lonely I just take some time to myself, maybe get away for a while, and reflect on things. But the biggest thing I do to help myself is I embrace my creativity. I do a lot of songwriting, poetry when I'm feeling lonely. It's a useful coping mechanism for me. Depression often brings out our most creative side, you can try channeling that to distract yourself.

[Booshape]

Sounds a bit weird but I tend to talk to my body/self as if it were another person and try to reassure it. I found if I tell it "I will look after you" (even if it's not true) it can help you feel a bit less lonely. Totally get what you're saying though, it's sad how we feel lonely even when we're surrounded by other people but if you're honest enough to acknowledge your loneliness it's a start at least.

[Zena]

I put on uplifting, pretty music and drift away. I pray...I always feel better after I pray. I dance like no one is watching (because no one ever is). I may or may not talk to myself at times. I've got quite a few creative hobbies. Motivational videos/quotes help me. I look up videos that make me smile and laugh (silly, harmless pranks, stand-up comedy, episodes/clips of old shows I used to enjoy, folks helping each other out, people impersonating celebrities, animals making noises like humans, etc.). I just try to do as much as I can to enjoy my own company. I understand that it can feel bad, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. As long as you have the ability to connect with anyone in any way you are never truly alone. There are many sources of inspiration you can draw from with almost no effort on your part and connections are never really far away. You can connect with someone without ever directly communicating with them. They can inspire you without ever having met you. Every connection counts, including the one you have with yourself. Embrace that.

[Anne1221]

Maybe when you feel good, you can come up with a box and put in it things to do when you feel this way. You can throw in there ideas of things to distract yourself, uplifting quotes, comforting things, etc. Sort of an "emergency kit." But try to do something, even if it is to take a walk, write a letter, work on a puzzle or project, just distraction until the difficult time passes.

[verDominai]

I think deep thoughts and try to make sense of it all. Then I go back to feeling sorry for myself.

[KittenTrans]

I watch kitten videos :)

[gadguy]

_____________________

Hi Mint , I spent some time on your questions. There is no short answer, but I don’t mind turning your questions into something that I myself am learning to deal with. I’ll do my best to make the words and format an easy read.

To keep things in line with your own thoughts, I have first extracted the following two questions to make them stand out:


1. What do you do when you all of a sudden feel alone?
2. What do you do to make that feeling go away in that very moment?

I can understand why many people would respond straight away with the analogy “I like to be alone” – I do too, however I think the frame of reference to your questions here requires a little more sensitivity to the context in which you have delivered them.
You state - “The feeling of loneliness is stronger when it seems like no one can understand me or no one is on my side... Or people who could be close to me are far away and I just can't easily get to them... Like no one can help...”

________________________
1. Let’s tackle that “sudden feeling” of loneliness.
There are numerous scenarios which I will forgo attempting to paint – let’s just sit with that feeling you have outlined so well. It’s a very hollow and empty feeling. I find it’s like a deep hunger that can never be satisfied with intense feelings of hopelessness and despair descending on me all at once. The complete opposite of my meditative time outs where being in a state of solace helps to aid such negative / more so “painful” emotions that need clearing out.

The “sudden onset” is another dynamic to factor in. It intensifies the painful emotion by catching me unguarded / “unawares.” [Note* the strikethrough text formatting I am using on words such a negative and unguarded is to point out my change in of mindset as I live through the many different experiences that life has installed with regard to this topic of which we speak.]

My advice is to be more accepting of those things we cannot change, and change those things that we can. Yes I know that sounds cliché, but it’s quite a powerful approach. Developing and cultivating the wisdom to know the difference between those things that we cannot control and those which we can. Typically a long term depressive state that’s only known pain and suffering will resist such a notion to accept what it seeks to cling to. Other factors that reason one is not affected by such experiences will seek to justify rather than reason. The latter is our ego, which often blind us to the reality of others and or that which we perceive. It can get more complex than that. Allow me to just say, that anytime we are suddenly caught unawares, it is during such states that we react less mindfully and more open to less than favorable influences from within ourselves and that of others. The more I have come to understand this fact/process, the more I have been able to practice catching the moment in which such vulnerability takes place.

It has been in that practice that I have slowly become less cynical of such terms as acceptance and more able to see similar terms that allow for more healing options, (has helped me remain open to another context than just what my mind wants be to believe – another topic I wanted to respond to – “believing my mind” – but thought better of it)

Summery to first question – It’s a learning process. I have learned to use a different language with the way I think. I have been fostering wisdom to know the difference between things outside my control and those which are not. Positive and Negative are more terms I play with when unable to accept myself – Pain and suffering or more facts of life that I have come to accept and in doing so I am finding more “peace” which has redefined the common term of happiness which everyone is trying to seek.

I am no guru – I still struggle very much with the thoughts and world that I perceive. I’m just sharing as someone who knows well your questions and their meaning. Some people learn quicker than others – Some have more challenges to go through than others. Those with fewer challengers are often worse off, despite appearing as if they have everything they’ve ever wanted. Once you come to learn some of the things I am trying to explain and really start to live them … then such challenges can be viewed more as blessings. Enduring pain becomes less of a burden and more of a skill – one of which only helps us all the more to connect with others. In this way, learning to deal with loneliness makes us more appealing to others and brings us more peace and acceptance than we could of ever hoped for.

I guess I can quickly use your second question to wrap this all up:
What do you do to make that feeling go away in that very moment?
I accept the feeling that comes for what it is and judge it not. If I give in to my mind without taking time to afford myself in taking the advice above, I am then quick to forgive myself as well as any other whom my ego would dare to imply whatever of. Above all, I attempt not to take the thought processing of myself or others personally. It is in the learning of catching these things as they happen and being OK with being slow at it … that helps us return to the moment, whilst others perhaps have not. Coming to understand that none of us are perfect, and that we are all on our own paths, really helps to dis-identify with unnecessary pain. Owning the pain before it grows is a really great way to disempower invested emotion. Emotion should flow. That’s way acceptance no matter what the circumstances without judgment is so effective.
_________________________________________________

I’m still learning the process – but for me it works really well. Even in those times I am slow to catch myself and have reacted and gone away feeling lonely. I remind myself of all the above and then soon find myself accept myself and others and better able to separate myself from needless pain. I am better able to simply be myself with no pain in that moment.

I am srry if I have made no sense. You have certainly given my something to think about, as well as much to write about with my own dealings of late.


No time to edit ... got to keep moving. Again ... I hope some of this helps. Forgive me If I strayed from the context you have given. Happens to me all the time. :)

Thank you very much for your questions.


WOW well thought out and spot on...IMO.