Freaked out and really not sure what to do?

[dipandfordy]

To start, I'm not formally diagnosed with either anxiety or depression; I just know that I have panic attacks in most social situations and find it near impossible to deal with my own life sometimes. I'm also at high risk for ASD.

I haven't been able to function lately. I had a terrible two-or-so week stint a week ago, thought I was better for a week, but going to bed Monday night I knew I was gonna wake up with a giant pit in my stomach. And I did, and I didn't want to get out of bed or go to school and I felt like I was gonna throw up. I still do, but worse, and I've been having ongoing thoughts of death and suicide and I don't know what to do and I'm supposed to see a doctor towards the end of the month but I don't know if I can make it that far without having a breakdown or having to check myself into a mental ward so I don't throw myself off a cliff.

[salvator here]

Hi there!

I'm not sure anything I can say would help you much, but I did want to reply to say something.

You might do well to get officially diagnosed by a professional; especially if you suspect you fall on the line of ASD. There are a lot of bad self tests out there (especially on the net) that give people the conflicting results. Even if you could just see your guidance counselor, or school social worker, that might be a good start. I don't know your situation as far as your parents views or if they are supportive to you, or even know fully what you are going through, so only you know what is best. But if you are feeling suicidal, they I'd reach out for help everywhere.

I also have days where I'm barely functional myself, and I know that feeling of going to bed knowing things won't go too well when I wake up. More often than not though, things aren't as bad as I thought they'd be, or as the days progresses, things improve somewhat.

But try to keep yourself safe until your upcoming appointment and just take things one day at a time - we're almost at the end of the month.

[ajaysutton]

I would echo many of Salvator's thoughts. If you feel like you can't wait two weeks for your doc's appointment, please reach out in another way. As part of the on line community here we can listen, and encourage, but there's really nothing like professional help when you feel like you're at the end of your rope, and I do hope you'll stay safe. You remain in my prayers....

[Orion H.]

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. While I don't deal with depression on a regular basis, I have experienced it and know the difficulties it brings and that it real and know it can seem hopeless. There is hope. Try talking to family and friends, especially since the doctor visit seems so far away. If you are looking to get outside advice beyond your family I would recommend giving the national suicide hotline a call if such thoughts persist; 1 (800) 273-8255. Don't put it off, find something that will work for you. You are worth it! sometimes the most difficult part of getting better is asking for help, there are plenty of people who are willing to help you.