I Need Advice

[allie2230]

Hi Everyone,

So for the past week or so my boyfriend has been experiencing severe anxiety and it is starting to really interfere with his life and our relationship. He has been out of a job for months and he can't seem to find employment anywhere. He is the type of person who has always needed things to do and a sense of structure in his life and without a job and with all this time on his hands he can't seem to calm himself. On top of that, he feels like he is under a great deal of pressure from his parents as well as his own expectations of himself and he just can't enjoy anything in his life until he has a job. He seems trapped in this cycle and it is getting worse and worse. He has always had mild anxiety here and there, but this is something I haven't seen him deal with before and he is showing signs of panic attacks. I myself used to battle severe anxiety and depression so I know how hard it is to get yourself out of that mindset, but I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for ways I can help him.

Thank you so much, any response is greatly appreciated

Allie

[brfoo]

Hello,

I have been in a similar situation like your boyfriend (partly still I am, I am soo afraid of job interviews I have scheduled for me it is ridiculous...) Even before starting a new job he needs to restore his routine. I started to write a diary about my days. I set goals to myself that i have to do every day or week. These goals included working out, so i can tell I did something to get in shape, helping out with the chores, finding at least 5 postions every week that I might apply for if I had the courage, try to apply for one on Friday (always Friday, so I can somehow process it in the weekend and not be afraid of them calling me right away-sounds silly, but I am too nervous if i can't prepare). I found an online volunteer opportunity (in my case it is translation) and I tried to work every day on it so i had a sense of accompishment. There are a lot of online opportunities out there for volunteers and it looks good on the CV, gives experience and almost no interaction is needed. For example, even if he can't speak foreign languages well, he can help out by subtitling videos of free universty lectures for those who are deaf or for foreign students whose English is not soo good and need it for better uderstanding, he can even choose videos that would suit his interests/studies. There are a few online courses offered for free (with a honor code) on certain online educational platforms that he could take that would benefit him and would boost his confidence and sense of achievement. Also for me it is very important to spend some time outsde, in nature, without noisy people and their suggestions of what should I do. This gives a sense of calmness, it can clear your mind and help focus on the next step.

And maybe he should also write a list about what he loves about himself and add an item to this list every day. For me it is really hard to accept myself, and I figured, maybe I don't like myself enough and I blame myself way too hard for everything. This list could help him feel better about himself. Maybe you can also add a good thing about him here and there so he sees that you support him.

I failed a lot of times. I still have an issue of being too afraid of everything and I always worry about the future instead of focusing on the NOW. But I am working on it. :)

I hope he will get better!

[Nowuccas]

Hey allie2230,

The suggestion from brfoo has merit. A previous post on volunteering follows:

VOLUNTEER: "Spend some time working for the worthwhile cause or charity of your choice, since it has multiple effects. It helps them, and, at the very least, it will keep you from focusing on yourself and your problems. It also provides a solid basis in reality for the following daily affirmation: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ... ... ..." (fill in the blank space).

VOLUNTEER FROM HOME: Go to www.wendy.com/deeds.html Edit one page of an Ebook daily, at: www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page Did you know that you can help us produce ebooks by proof-reading just one page a day? Go to: Distributed Proofreaders or http://www.seti.org

Write letters in support of prisoners of conscience, for Amnesty International. Many innocent people, whose only reason for incarceration was that they were a thorn in the side of a repressive government, have had their release secured as a result of a flood of letters, from all over the world. Also see www.supportpath.com/ and www.neoteen.org/

VOLUNTEERING ELSEWHERE: Help for 2 hours per fortnight, at Meals on Wheels. Other suggestions are: As a literacy volunteer, animal shelter, Red cross/crescent, soup kitchen, Greenpeace, nursing home/hospital, Habitat for Humanity, United Way, or as a Big Sister, or Big Brother.

Volunteering will put you in touch with a range of good people, and many lifelong friendships begin this way. You can also obtain references for employment purposes".

Google: "volunteer from home; options; list" & "volunteer; (your location)"

--------------------------------------------
Other relevant posts are:

ANXIETY or PANIC ATTACKS: See http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33197-Do-I-have-anxiety-disorder-or-something-worse&p=220006#post220006

GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33964-New-to-the-site-and-looking-for-help&p=223989#post223989

[The Intolerable Kid]

Sorry for your troubles. In case he hasn't tried these, there are a couple website suggestions -

Indeed.com

Glassdoor.com

These have been helpful to me during job hunting times. Good luck to you both, I hope he finds a job soon.

[RoderickLariviere]

Its a hard time for him, he need a emotional support and proper guidance. Try to build up his confidence and prepared for interviews. Getting first job is not so easy, also its not that difficult. Meditation and proper treatment will help controlling his anxiety issues and depression.