Hello,

[brfoo]

Hello,

I took me a while to get the courage to write even here. I feel like I just want to write it down. My biggest burden is fear. I fear from everything and I always think the worst is going to happen in every situation. I am always afraid that I am doing things wrong. I just can't relax. I often feel that people judge me, that I have to try extra hard to please them. I have good educational background, but I just can't apply for jobs. Whenever I see an advertisement even for a junior position, I instantly assume that I won't be able to meet the expectations, I am goingt to screw up everything. I try to exercise a lot. I partake in online volunteer work and try to meditate. Still, I can't get through the breaking-point. I am so ashamed that I see my friends solve problems so easily, getting on with their lifes, working hard and I just can't. I just wanted to share my feelings somewhere.

[salvator here]

Hi there!

Sometimes its good to put your feelings into words, and this is a safe place to do so.

I can understand and relate to much of what you wrote here actually. Fear can be a double-edged-sward; because we want to overcome our fears, but fear can also become crippling if we allow it to take hold of us. Expecting the worse case scenario for every situation can become a 'self fulfilled prophecy' and works to keep you in that pessimistic mind frame - Expect the unexpected - its a good thing really.

As far as pleasing other people, I also struggle with this; even though I know that working to please other people only works against you in the end. Must realize this is your life and do things to better your own life, and focus less attention on what other think.

You wrote you have a good educational background. Do you familiarize with all expectations and duties of/for the jobs you are seeking? I say this because I get the feeling the application process alone is overwhelming you. Best to research the jobs you are applying for ahead of time, so there aren't any surprises when you show up for an interview.

But yeah, I also don't fancy seeing my friends enjoying a successful life online when I'm struggling myself - this is largely why I decided to get off FB actually. Not saying keeping your eyes closed is the answer either, but if its only keeping you down, than its not helping your cause.

I hope this helped somewhat and good luck.

[brfoo]

Hi,

Thanks for your answer. It is really nice that you took the time to answer. I am not on FB either. I know about the ' self fulfilled prophecy", and I always decide I am going to be brave and think logically about a situation, but when the actual problem comes I just freeze up. I know I need to work on that. Sometimes I feel the word does not give me the time to work on that. That I need to function as if everything is all right (so I won't stand out) and work on myself, which is draining my energy. Maybe I overanalyze things much. Yes you are right that I got stuck by the application process. The requirement list that goes on for even a junior position is soo much that it just overwhelms me with an " I am completely not good for that" feeling. This is why I took up volunteer work as well, to see I can do things and I can get experience. I am really trying. I try to say to myself that I need to build up my courage. I can do this. If others can make it, it should not stop me. But I feel like there is a long path ahead of me. But I will keep trying. Thank you for your comforting words again! :)