What if....

[Carla]

Hi again... :)
I know I shouldnt be saying What If, but it is an important What If that bothers me ...What If my anxiety goes away altogether, then what is the chance that it will return again at some point in my life? Has anyone been through this, where the anxiety goes only to return again later on. This is the first time I have experienced anxiety and I have been really unwell with it for the past 6 months although I am now getting better. I am not taking medication as I cant bring myself to take medication. Maybe I would have recovered sooner if I had taken what my gp prescribed. If the anxiety were to return in the future would it be as bad as this time or not so bad. I would be interested to hear from others who have had repeated bouts of anxiety throughout their life or off others who just had it the one time. I know I am making a lot of progress but it has been so awful and at times I couldnt move hardly for how bad I felt. I really dont want to go through that again. I know I am worrying and that is the wrong thing to do but I have been so exhausted, so ill, and lost so much weight through being sick constantly and not eating due to the anxiety, that I cant go through it all again. I had no reason for my anxiety at all. It just happened and there is not one thing that I can think of that caused it. Do you think it is possible for anxiety not to reoccur ever again? :unsure: [/b]

[cameron]

Good Evening Carla,

I just joined this forum for the first time tonight. My name is Cameron and I am 27 years old. I have had Anxiety since I was 25. Two years ago when anxiety hit for the first time I had no idea what was going on. I read your post tonight and it reminded me so much of my situation that I was almost brought to tears. The fact that I was reading someone elses experiences that were almost identical to mine made me feel so normal for the first time in a long long time. When I was first hit with anxiety I had no idea what it was. All of a sudden my life, which used to be so fun and carefree, was turned into a constant daily hell of fear, and heart wrenching panic. I was sick to my stomach for days on end. I lost so much weight from being sick and not being able to hold down any food at all. This weight lost and constant sickness just added fuel to my anxiety. What if I get so skinny I just wither away? What if I need to go and live at the hospital and I will not be able to work or pay my bills anymore? Will my partner leave me because I am so crazy all of a sudden? It just didnt seem fair. I was such a carefree and fun loving person before. Why was I given this horrible thing called anxiety? For weeks my days and night were a constant battle of trying to hold down enough food to survive. Trying to keep myself from losing control completley. I know exactly what you are going through. I was anxiety free for almost a year. I did it without drugs. I began treatment at our local University and after awhile my anxiety got less and less. But unfortunatly its back again. And that is why I am up at 3:00 am. And why I joined this forum. This last week anxiety just came back hard. I am experienceing the symptoms all over again with some new ones. But I refuse to let anxiety control me again. We have to be stronger then anxiety because we deserve to be happy carefree people again. Reading your post really helped me to understand that I am not alone, and neither are you. I am not sure how this site works yet, but I hope you get this letter. If you every get a chance to write me back I would love to hear some ways that you are trying to get your life back. I hope to hear from you soon.

Cameron,

[Carla]

Hi Cameron!
Thank you for your post! I really appreciate it! I am glad that in some way my post helped you. Your post has helped me too, as do a lot of the posts on this forum. I only joined in September and it has really helped me. I think as with a lot of other illnesses that the only people who can truly understand are those who have been through it themselves.
You have done so well in overcoming anxiety for a year and therefore if you can do it for a year you can overcome it again, only better armed this time, as you know what you will be up against.What are the new sypmtoms that you are experiencing this time around? You sound like a strong person and I am sure you will be able to deal with anxiety a second time around.
Like you, before I had anxiety, I was the most bubbliest, carefree, optimistic person. Out of nowhere I got anxiety. One moment I was fine and the next anxiety struck. Like you as well, I was sick constantly, lost lots of weight, I could not keep food down, and generally I spent every minute of every day just trying to survive. My mouth was full of blisters from being sick so much. My stomach lining was causing me problems due to be being so sick too. I thought I would die from it because I was so ill, I could not see how anyone could keep going physically thro so much. People were concerned for me but trying to let them know how I truly felt was very difficult. I felt so alone even tho I had people around me. I now have kidney problems (nothing too serious tho) and one of the doctors I saw thinks that possibly how I was feeling aggravated it. From the moment I woke to the end of the day seemed never ending. I have never experienced anything like it in my whole life. Maybe I had a nervous breakdown I dont know? I am not sure what happens during a breakdown? I was prescribed valium but it made me depressed lol So I came off Valium and I felt so much better. I dont take any prescribed medication and just use natural supplements. Maybe I shld have took prescribed meds as maybe that way I wld not have suffered so much. It was pure hell and my heart goes out to any person who goes through anxiety. I would say I am slowly recovering and I can laugh again and I now have a better quality of life then I did back then. It was so scary and sometimes I cry at how awful it all was. I feel like a better person now. I know that may sound cheesy but I feel like somehow the whole illness made me a nicer person. I dont take life for granted. I seem to have slowed right down and I appreciate even the smallest of things. I feel like I have had a second chance. Sorry if this sounds cheesy. So maybe if something good and positive has come out of that horrific time of my life than that can only be a good thing. If you read any of my other posts you will see that I wrote about the biggest help being changing my diet and lifestyle. Researching anxiety helped me to understand what was going on and as I mentioned previously, this forum has been a massive help. It helps knowing that I am not alone in all of this and there is a place I can turn to where others can relate to how I am feeling.
Several months on and my anxiety is fading but it is still bubbling away because I can be fine and having a great day and then out of nowhere the panic and anxiety strike. I had CBT and that really helped, so I use a lot of the techniques that I learned to help me with those moments and it really works, for me anyway. I replace negative thoughts with positive. I am not afraid any longer of anxiety whereas once I was petrified of it. I talk logically to myself when I feel anxious and then the anxiety fades away again. I did this to overcome all the awful parts of anxiety like panic attacks, depersonalisation and derealisation. Those parts were a nightmare. I dont get any of that anymore thankfully. I feel better able to deal with anxiety now whereas when I first got it, I did not have a clue what was happening and refused to admit it. I am now getting my appetite back and I only ever eat unprocessed unrefined natural foods. I dont touch alcohol or cigarettes as alcohol for me anyway makes my anxiety go thro the roof. I do worry lol that the anxiety will come back with a vengeance, but at least now I have some techniques to help deal with it. I find keeping myself busy really helps rather than lying in bed thinking the end of the world is here, which I did when my anxiety was at its worst. I would say that my mental state now is very fragile and I avoid stress if I can at all costs. I feel that I am getting stronger because I look back and can see a huge improvement. The old me is slowly coming back. Its terrifying tho isnt it? Did you have a trigger for your anxiety? Do you have support there for you? Keep posting. Let us know how you are. You will find so much help and support here. You are not alone in this.
Have a good day. Carla

[cameron]

Good Evening Carla

I just wanted to express my deepest thanks for the post you sent me this morning. After a restless night I really needed to hear those kind and encouraging words. I checked my email while getting ready for work this morning and i must tell you that your post really gave me the drive to get up and get out and start my day. I felt a great rush of courage and relief after receiving your letter and I cant thank you enough for taking the time to write me back. Today I noticed that you have taken the time to write many people back who are on this forum. your posts are all full of great encouragement, hope, and insightful information. I wish for you to find the same support and hope that you have given to others. I will take all of your advice and continue to post. I already feel better. Today when anxiety was up to its usual tricks I was able to think about all the other people on this forum who are going through the same hard times. I didnt feel alone or crazy at all.

As you asked early, I discovered my trigger was becoming ill or being sick in public. This overwhelming fear soon became a reality because the stress of my trigger actually forced me to be sick in many situations. For months I lived with daily nausea that never went away. Any smell or taste, and even sound would set it off. I think that was why it was so hard for me to beat the first time. Most people are afraid of things that may never actually happen. I new that throwing up in public was a very real fear and that it could happen at anytime. This time around my anxiety has managed to adapt itself to my new form of thinking. I no longer fear being sick in public, but just recently while on the bus I experienced the very scary sensation of derealization (I believe its called). The whole experience was terrifying. It was like being drunk or high. I had no idea why I was so extremely out of it. In my mind I thought maybe I somehow accidentally swallowed medicine or inhaled a poisionous gas. Although these thoughts are so bizarre they seem very believable at the time. It was like dreaming. I had no idea if reality even did exist. I was so scared and thought i had surely gone completley nuts. And all of this came on after a full year of absolutley nothing. Another new symptom was as I am getting ready for bed my mind starts to go into a dreamy stage right away. I had never experienced this before and felt like I was losing all control of my mind. That is why last night I went on line in hope of finding some answers. I do have a great support at home. I just wish I could be a stronger person for my partner and myself.

Well thank you again Carla. I really look forward to exploring this forum more and from hearing from you again. I wish you all the best!

Take Care,

[Rhymes]

Elo Lady and Gent,

This is what i just don't understand either. I've been perfectly normal now for years but for some reason the other day i got to work and all of a sudden my stomach was really upset, nausea was next up and then the heavy chest pains started followed by shortness of breath. Once this happened i knew my anxiety was back and i actually cried alittle in the bathroom because i worked so hard to control it. They tried me on meds awhile ago but i stopped after a few weeks because i felt worse on them and some didn't even do anything especially those little green pills that you put under your tongue. From then on i swore i would fight this with everything i could. So i got a job and i threw myself into it 100% and after work i would find constructive things to do like join a forum? or maybe try and learn web design, or teach myself Buddhism? So many things to keep my mind occupied and my body working. But now i feel crippled once again because all of those support beams i put up in my head seem to have caved in and now I'm just left to worry about anything and everything. For me, anxiety is a ferocious fear about your whole collective lifestyle and when you get a bout of it it highlights all the negative and nothing positive. Even right now my chest feels like someone is sitting on it and the shortness of breath is constant. I knew in my subconscious that i am depressed but i was so good at blocking it out that i never took the time to realize that that is exactly what i am and should do something about it. What I've come to think about anxiety is that it is a warning sign that your life is stressed, severely broken or missing something vital like for me I'm missing friends and someone to love. What kills me the most is that anxiety comes back so easily but it takes a long time to get rid of but in the end you will be a stronger person for it. Just remember to keep up the work that you do to get better so that you will be ready and able to take care of business if/when anxiety comes knocking on your door again. I'm all about the natural ways rather than meds. For me, i turned to Buddhism and have learned to meditate to strengthen my mind as well as reading the history because the Buddha is a grand story (for a lack of a better word) and i found it to be very inspiring and uplifting. What i will say is my first time with anxiety was the worst but with my relapse its not as severe because my thinking is completely different than 6 years ago when i had my first panic attack and was actually hospitalized because i fainted. This time I've lost alot of weight because my appetite has decreased hugely, the chest pains and shortness of breath are 24hrs daily, i can't stop thinking negatively and my stomach isn't up to par. Sigh...the trouble with having so much go wrong at once, is where start fixing things and to actually start.