EnricoPallazzo
02-10-2016, 10:41 AM
The headline probably sounds harsher than I mean it, but I slept 2 and a half hours last night, so I hope folks will understand if I'm not the most eloquent at the moment. I'm not sure if this is a good place for me to go, but I'm at a loss. Here's my story: My girlfriend of 2 and a half years suffers from anxiety, including occasional panic attacks. I've always worked to be a good and supportive partner for her in this regard - did a lot of research, talked to her about what she needs from me in the moments when she's dealing with a spike in anxiety and just day-to-day, done my best to be there for her (or leave her alone, if that's what she needs in any individual moment). I will admit that, in my heart of hearts, it's been a little difficult for me to deal with, sometimes, but not to the point at which it's been too much, and she a) is in therapy and making an effort to cope with her anxiety, and b) is really great as a person and a generally supportive partner.
The problem is, this past November, we moved in together, and since we did, I have found myself more and more affected by her anxiety and stress levels. I've always been a generally positive and low-stress person, but I find myself now experiencing a kind of empathetic picking-up of her emotional state. This is particularly problematic because, a lot of times, it tends to peak at night, right before we're going to bed. Before this January, I could count on one hand the amount of times I'd had trouble falling asleep, but now, it happens all the time, and I feel like it's triggered a lot of times when her anxiety hits her particularly hard right before bed. I feel like I can feel it coming off of her in waves. The trick is that she can be that way for, like, 20-30 minutes, and then fall off to sleep moments later. But once I pick it up, I can't shake it and end up unable to sleep for hours. This has been going on for a couple months, now, and I'm walking around exhausted all the time and miss so desperately the feeling of just being able to lie down and drift off to sleep.
I love my girlfriend. I know she is struggling with this stuff and taking steps to address it. She's not doing any of this deliberately. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't affecting me. Every article I've read online about being romantically involved with someone who suffers from anxiety issues tends toward what I can do to be a good and supportive partner to her, and that is all very important to me, and I do my best to be that person. At the same time, there's an element of self-preservation, here. I feel like, if I try to wall myself off from her, emotionally, at those moments, it both won't work and will be a total jerk move. At the same time, leaving myself open is leading to higher anxiety and a chronic insomnia that is really affecting my day-to-day life.
Help? Any ideas? Anything I can do to both be a supportive partner and preserve my own well-being?
The problem is, this past November, we moved in together, and since we did, I have found myself more and more affected by her anxiety and stress levels. I've always been a generally positive and low-stress person, but I find myself now experiencing a kind of empathetic picking-up of her emotional state. This is particularly problematic because, a lot of times, it tends to peak at night, right before we're going to bed. Before this January, I could count on one hand the amount of times I'd had trouble falling asleep, but now, it happens all the time, and I feel like it's triggered a lot of times when her anxiety hits her particularly hard right before bed. I feel like I can feel it coming off of her in waves. The trick is that she can be that way for, like, 20-30 minutes, and then fall off to sleep moments later. But once I pick it up, I can't shake it and end up unable to sleep for hours. This has been going on for a couple months, now, and I'm walking around exhausted all the time and miss so desperately the feeling of just being able to lie down and drift off to sleep.
I love my girlfriend. I know she is struggling with this stuff and taking steps to address it. She's not doing any of this deliberately. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't affecting me. Every article I've read online about being romantically involved with someone who suffers from anxiety issues tends toward what I can do to be a good and supportive partner to her, and that is all very important to me, and I do my best to be that person. At the same time, there's an element of self-preservation, here. I feel like, if I try to wall myself off from her, emotionally, at those moments, it both won't work and will be a total jerk move. At the same time, leaving myself open is leading to higher anxiety and a chronic insomnia that is really affecting my day-to-day life.
Help? Any ideas? Anything I can do to both be a supportive partner and preserve my own well-being?