i don't know what to do.. advice please?

[jamingout]

thank you for reading my post and considering your advice. i'm sorry it's long, like a novel lol. i don't know where to start, even thinking about this is beginning to make my heart pump and my stomach churn, and i feel like it should be NO BIG DEAL! a little history might be able to help you understand before i go on.

i was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about 5 years ago, but it's been affecting me my whole life. sometimes to the point where i can't seem to leave my house anymore. it's really debilitating, frustrating, and scary. then for a period of 6 months or so, i'm totally okay.

a little over a year ago i got to the point where i was sick of staying in my home for over a year (at 18 years old, there's so much to explore!) so i up and moved. when i moved to the new town, i thrived. yes my anxiety and depression would set in, but i couldn't let it. then i moved from one apartment to another, totally freaked out with anxiety again, couldn't
function, so i quit my job and moved home.

now that i'm home, i found a job but freaked and quit. found another, stayed there for a day, freaked and quit. i can't seem to get a hold of my anxiety enough to even go out of the house where i'm living.

my most recent adventure looking for a call center to work left me throwing up and crying. it makes me sick to my stomach and i'd rather avoid it all together. i dread looking for a job now.

i don't know what to do anymore. i want to ask my parents to help me get an apartment, because once i have one i'll have no choice but to look for a job instead of avoiding it at a place where i have an enabler. i'm scared, because what if this is a life pattern for me? how can i get my anxiety under control enough to want to leave the house to look for a job? i feel like this anxiety is debilitating again, only this time i don't have insurance to go see a doctor, and i can't get one until i get a job, but i can't get a job until i somehow get my anxiety under control. what should i do? please, suggestions are extremely helpful.

thank you for reading this long post. lol

[punkgod94]

Hey there, welcome to the boards!! No need to get upset at long posts...we all do it. It's more beneficial for you to tell us every detail you can so we can help you. Believe me, having anxiety for over 2 years and seeing about a dozen doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists you start to have trouble finding a "starting point" for what's wrong with you.

You may want to post this in the agoraphobia (fear of leaving your home) forum as well. I find it odd that you can be fine for 6 months and then not for another 6 months. You may have Seasonal affect disorder. Does it usually occur around the fall/winter time or spring/summer time routinely?

It sounds like you're on the right path with trying to get a job, but having trouble ridding the anxiety to get through the interview. My suggestion is to dress nice, make sure you look professional, carry 2 pens and paper with you and take notes. Ask questions about the job description, potential to move up in your position and anything else you may have (but dont ask about the salary or benefits until you're offered the job). Do some research and find out a little about the company first, but definitely make sure you ask at least a handful of questions (I'd say 3 questions minimum, but have 5 questions to choose from in case they clearly answered some of them already during the interview) that weren't answered. And more importantly, job interviews are stressful for everyone - you're not alone!!! Relax and show them your best side...even with anxiety or depression everyone has a great hardworking side to them. You just have to prove (without trying too hard) that you're the right person for the job. Try to be personable and make jokes where appropriate, smile, laugh. Make them think you're not just a drone robot lol. If you're offered the job fulltime then you can relax a little bit more and be yourself.

If you're offered the job, THEN ask questions about salary and benefits. And also be sure to bring a bottle or two of water in addition to your pens and paper for the interview to help your nerves when it comes to dry mouth. If you're prescribed anti-anxiety medicine like Klonopin (Clonazepam), Ativan (Lorazepam), Valium (Diazepam), and Xanax (forget the real name) and it doesn't knock you out, I suggest taking one or a half of one about a half an hour before the interview - but make sure it doesn't debilitate you so you bumble like an idiot in the interview. You want to have a sharp mind so you can answer any questions they have of you.

Interviews are definitely intimidating but everyone has to do them and lots of people are nervous. Just have a little faith in yourself and look professional as well as fun-loving and I'm sure you'll do just fine!!! Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[jamingout]

thank you so much for your response, punkgod, only i do great in interviews. it's something about the 'spur-of-the-moment' and 'think-on-your-toes' that gets me through it, because there is no time for thinking irationatlly. it's the getting to the interview part that i'm having troubles doing, even so much as walking up to a building to attempt to apply makes me feel like i can't breathe. :(

[Carla]

Hello
It sounds like the anxiety is causing agaraphobia symptoms. I would try and get these addressed before trying to get another job. This is what is holding you back. You are at your parents. Do they know exactly how you feel? Would they be able to support you whilst you get help for how you are feeling. Here in the uk people can apply for Incapacity Benefit whilst unable to work due to physical/mental health problems. Is there any help you can get? I do realise the health system is different in USA though.
I think you need to get help to deal with how you are feeling before you take on employment. It wont do you any good to keep putting yourself through all the this stress without tackling the underlying issues.