I suffer from SA and oh suffers from anxiety are we making each other worse?

[louise88]

Hi, I'm new here, I have social anxiety this is caused by being badly bullied at school, I always thought I was just 'shy' but only heard of social anxiety a couple years ago (I'm now 27) my anxiety all made sense after finding out about SA however I haven't been to the doctors about it as at the time I was getting better due to having a really good group of friends who really boosted my confidence and made me feel liked and wanted (although I still needed alcohol to get talking properly in convo's and would wake up anxious in case id made a fool of myself). 5 years ago I started working with a man who is now my oh it was only when I fell pregnant and moved in with him that I discovered his 'anger' hes a very angry person and its only been the last 6 months that hes come out and told me about his anxiety attacks. We now have 2 children and he gets angry a lot especially if I don't do something 'right' or if I fail to keep the house tidy (which is pretty hard with 2 kids) I'm told I;m an embarrassment and a scruff if this happens which really knocks me down, recently I've really felt my anxiety coming back I'm feeling very anxious and awkward around him, I actually have panic attacks and anxiety attacks when he has one for example he had a really bad attack the other day and he was screaming out for a hug and my support but I was so anxious and feeling so awkward about the whole situation that I couldn't bring myself to go near him instead I lay hyperventilating in a corner. I'm also finding myself getting very stressed, anxious and sometimes cry if I know hes due in from work and the kids have been a handful and I will often shout at them and be mean to them because them being a handful means me getting shouted at and feeling like a failure and a loser.

Today I did some research about the effects anxiety has on children and I always wanted my children to grow up to be confident well rounded people and its really got me thinking whether all me and oh just make each other worse, I make him anxious and angry when I done get things perfect and he makes me anxious if I don't get things done. I love him and I want to support him however I love my kids more and I need to put them first. My anxiety is controlled (to an extent) when hes at work.

[louise88]

sorry I just realized I should have posted this in the general discussion area.

[Ponder]

I really got to start doing my post in word. Lost a long one that could of been of help.

No problem with your post being where it is.

That sounds pretty toxic and yes ... it's no good for the kids.

Research also - "The Cycle of Abuse" Domestic and Emotional. Be sure to weigh up the negatives with "I love him"

I just "yet again" did a 10 hour return trip in my car to pick up my youngest daughter who is now suffering with intrusive thoughts.
The long term effect of living under such instability can result in some serious mental health issues - not just your average heart palpitation that GPs rapidly respond with handing out scripts.

I know what I am talking about. My family has a LONNNNG history with regard to the cycle of abuse. Touch wood, my youngest daughter in now ready for therapy and seeking to move back in with family that can give the support she so desperately needs. [that saga has been going on for quite some time]

My oldest boy is still smoking crack and due to have his first taste of being incarcerated in an adult prison.

So please ... research "The Cycle of Abuse" and think of your kids. Weigh up the negative outcomes Vs "I love him"
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Popping pills is only a very very small part of the equation and is not for everybody, but whatever path you take ... be sure to get some therapy that actually helps. Start by seeing someone outside of the toxic circle - seek out a councillor. I am sure they will be able to give you some guidance which will as least give you a sense of control.

My heart goes out to you and wish you all the best.

[Breez]

Oh god, I'm so sorry to hear of your experience. I'd love to share an article on this matter with you but since I'm new I can't post links here. You can look up an article at confilearn.com called "What is Social Anxiety & Where Does It Originate?" It talks about how anxiety is formed and how children can be affected. The website also has an audio book review on SA that might be helpful for you too.

I'm also 27 and have also been suffering from SA. But I think it's much better now since I took steps to work on it a little everyday. I think both you and your husband could use some help with audio books and doctor visits. Being anxious all the time hurts everybody including yourself. I know it's not a fun place to be and it's not good for the kids either. Really wishing you the best and keep sharing here if you have any difficulty.